elizabeth123

My husband and I met in the military. We have been married for a little over two years now. About this time last year we had a lot of added stress in our relationship. My friend and her family moved into our tiny apartment with us for a few months and I had just recently ended my active service and started going to school, over extending myself with 20 units and involvement in clubs. I have a 3 year old now from a previous relationship, but she calls my husband daddy because her father isn't really in the picture. Needless to say he started feeling neglected, even though I tried to give him the free time I had. I do admit that his life probably wasn't fulfilling, going into work that he hated and coming home to pick up the slack. However, that doesn't mean that what he did after that to be right.

He started talking to his x-girlfriend around Thanksgiving time and ended up leaving his Facebook up by accident... He told her some things that really hurt still 10 months from now. He continued to talk to her and eventually planning to meet her, but I found out and told him I was leaving when we were visiting his family. He asked me not to leave and said he would stop talking to her. He talked to her one more time to end it and hasn't talked to her since.

Not the end of the world, he didn't physically cheat on me, although he was planning on it, but I decided to move past this with him. February rolls around and he starts school at night to become an EMT. After a few weeks he starts to get really close with a girl that is in class with him. Long story short, one day he comes home and says he doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want to be with me. I found out he was cheating on me for about a month. We fight constantly for about a month about leaving and ending our marriage and sticking it out. Until one day I was just over it.... He lied to me again and I was done. I told him straight faced I'm finished. He broke down and said he didn't want our marriage to end. I said you have to stop talking to her completely. He called her up and ended it on speaker phone in front of me.

The only problem was he still had to see her in night class 2 times a week. In May after he was released from active duty, we moved back to my home town. Everything felt good, we were starting fresh and none of the past to follow, so I thought. After noticing him writing an email right in front of me and quickly closing out, I put a spywear on his computer that records key strokes. Needless to say he had continued his relationship with her this whole time and they only used a secret email to contact each other. She also said she was pregnant with his kid, which I have no idea if it is true or not, but we caught her in a lot of lies, but we know she isn't now if she ever was. After about two weeks of him living out of his vehicle, I finally decided I wanted to try.

After him answering some questions, I had my suspicions about someone else. I tricked him into admitting that he had sex with our 16 year old babysitter. We are only in our younger 20's, but still it is illegal. The only reason I didn't report him is because the babysitter is a complete ****, I knew her mom, and she only babysat for us because I was friends with her. Her boyfriend who is 20 or 21 at the time, mother is okay with that, was deployed to Afghanistan, she got a little lonely I guess and invited my husband over to have sex when she was alone. I knew I could never trust her around men because she always flirted with all of them, but I trusted my husband enough to not do something like that.... silly me.

What pisses me off is had I found all of this out in March when I found out the first time, I would have dropped his butt sooo fast, but I put in all of this work each time. I started to fall back in love with him just to get devastated again. He came clean with a lot of things.... He doesn't talk to any woman anymore other than in passing by, we went to counseling for awhile, and I can tell he really loves me. I just don't love him like that anymore.

I used to look at him and be so proud to be married to him, now half the time I think about how I can do better. I wanted to have kids with him. Now I don't know. He put me through 6 months of hell and and a miscarriage for what he did.

When we go out it is still like he is the only person in the world, but when we aren't connecting like that, sometimes I don't even know why I am with him. I really don't know what to do anymore. A big part of me sticking it out was because he is a good father to my daughter, and she already had her father abandon her when she was young, which he regrets but does nothing about it.

I would love some advice.... I feel like I have been put through a Jerry Springer show... oh and not to mention he also has an addiction to porn. He looks at it almost everyday if not multiple times a day..... What a winner right? (I do promise you he does have a lot of good attributes I still love, but now I don't know if it is enough.)

fool for love

I feel for you Elizabeth. We have similar situations except my husband didn't have a PA that I know of. I have an 11 year relationship and december would be 10 years of marriage and we have 4 kids. I thought we were moving past the EA with the X love of his life from last year via Facebook/Email/Text. Well, I found Sunday morning (because of my instinct) that something was wrong and found he had purchased a prepaid cell phone. That was a sign of things going wrong or going to go wrong. Well, once confronted Sunday, yesterday he tells me he isn't happy and doesn't want to be married anymore. With the 2 past EA's I worked SOOO hard and making it work, falling in love again to just be devastated and destroyed.

If you have lost feelings for him (I wish I felt the same) you need to follow how you feel. Your last comment about porn and all the good attributes, well that is my husband exactly.

This is fresh for me so my opinion is a bit harsh, but looks like you have gone through 3 A's that you know of (1 EA/2 PA) and if he is anything like my husband and not getting treatment there is a good chance he will do it again. Again, just my opinion.

Don't stay in the relationship because of your daughter, that is not going to help anyone. Stay because you want to fall back in love with him, stay because you know he will be committed and faithful, stay because you want your family to succeed.

I wish you the best of luck! Right now I have so many prayers for my personal dilemma, I will include you in mine as well.