"45 Years" - Devastating Movie - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
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post #91 of 94 (permalink) Old 03-01-2016, 09:06 AM
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Re: "45 Years" - Devastating Movie

I am surprised at the harshness with which so many people view him.

As the movie shows, he is in grief. The fact that her body is intact after fast freezing, adds a twist to his grief that also weighs on him.

For another thing, the circumstances of the disappearance of the girlfriend were not revealed. I can think of a number of scenarios in which the woman fell into a crevasse that would scar him for life.

Did she willingly jump after an argument?

Did he make a mistake resulting in her death?

Did he purposely "encouraged" her to jump?

Was she saving him and lost her footing in the process?


The wife, is "all about herself" and does not show a lot of empathy. She does not seem to try to understand the delayed grief her husband is experiencing.

An interesting puzzle that made an interesting movie.

The acting from Rampling and Courteney was superb. Loved his accent!

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post #92 of 94 (permalink) Old 03-01-2016, 12:20 PM
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Re: "45 Years" - Devastating Movie

@2asdf2 The ice princess fell into a crevasse while they were hiking. He didn't show much empathy for his wife for 45 years. He knew that he did not love her nor would he ever love her. He used her for his domestic comfort while he worshipped at the alter of the dead. He admitted he did not tell her about how much the dead girl meant to him and that he lied about it at first when she asked. His wife was denied the choice of being plan B for this man or plan A to someone else.

This touches on an important themes in the movie, how secrets effect intimate relationships and how unconscionable it is to use people as this character did. An example IRL - the woman who marries an unwitting man for the convenience of having a salary and children. Should he be empathetic when she pines for the man she really loved? He has been stripped raw emotionally for decades now he has to drag up sympathy for his deceiver?

It's not harsh when people suffer the consequences of horrible acts of deception. The deceived is doing what they never had a chance to do in the first place, make a choice. Sometimes it's to jettison the deceiver from domestic bliss in one way or another. To bad for them.

My magic wand would remove shame from sexuality for all! Anon Pink
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post #93 of 94 (permalink) Old 03-01-2016, 12:49 PM
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Re: "45 Years" - Devastating Movie

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Originally Posted by Nomorebeans View Post
I've never pitied my ex-husband in all of this - not for for an instant - until reading your words just now. He left me for the 20% he was sure he wasn't gettng, only to give up the 80% he already was.

That used to make me angry, but now it just makes me sad.
It is sad for them Beanie. Part of your anger was probably due to thinking that your ex had the ability to judge what you gave. In so doing, you may have assumed that what you gave to the relationship had as much value as he placed on it.

No, there is an inherent value to being loving, a companion and a good friend that has nothing to do with the value the recipient assigns.

It's common human stupidity. Like scores of people who invested millions with Madoff. They already had millions of dollars securely held that most people would never have. Yet they let it out of their hands in an attempt to get what no ever gets, something for nothing.

I don't know your story but I would guess that your ex is on a fools journey.

My magic wand would remove shame from sexuality for all! Anon Pink
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post #94 of 94 (permalink) Old 03-01-2016, 02:26 PM
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Re: "45 Years" - Devastating Movie

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@2asdf2 The ice princess fell into a crevasse while they were hiking.
We don't know that. There was no scene depicting how it happened. We only have narrative from Husband that may or may not reflect truth
He didn't show much empathy for his wife for 45 years. He knew that he did not love her nor would he ever love her. He used her for his domestic comfort while he worshipped at the alter of the dead. I don't know what you base this assertion onHe admitted he did not tell her about how much the dead girl meant to him and that he lied about it at first when she asked.He was not ready to discuss his first tragic love with a new girlfriend. Not at all rare His wife was denied the choice of being plan B for this man or plan A to someone else. She was noones plan B. Wife was plan A as girlfriend had been dead for some time

This touches on an important themes in the movie, how secrets effect intimate relationships and how unconscionable it is to use people as this character did. Husband first love was dead. He remarried. Did not use anybody. Would you say that about anyone who remarries?An example IRL - the woman who marries an unwitting man for the convenience of having a salary and children. Should he be empathetic when she pines for the man she really loved? He has been stripped raw emotionally for decades now he has to drag up sympathy for his deceiver?

It's not harsh when people suffer the consequences of horrible acts of deception.The only deception in the movie is that Husband did not share the inensity of his love for a woman who did before he ever met Wife The deceived is doing what they never had a chance to do in the first place, make a choice. Sometimes it's to jettison the deceiver from domestic bliss in one way or another. To bad for them.
The strength of the movie is precisely the ambiguity of the details and the wide interpretations that it leaves open.

Obviously you enjoyed it as much as I did.
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