Hello all – Just interested in finding out what type of woman men cheat on or vice versa. With my situation my boyfriend was married and treated his wife like gold. She is very confident, a positive person and sometimes can just be a plain old *****. His squeeze on the side is also very confident and a *****.
Me on the other hand. Can be confident but have always had trust issues. More so with him but I am insecure, paranoid, not always positive, a bit of a pessimist and not trusting (the trusting is for good reason though with him).
My question is this. Did I force him into the arms of another woman? If I were more positive and secure/confident would he be less likely to stray? Or is this just engraved in him?
I want to add that I have been VERY good to him. I’m attractive, I cook, clean, help with his children, am a blast to be with so not sure why he would stray other than the fact that I’m not a total *****.
Is there a reason that men leave for *****es? I’m thinking that maybe if I step up my game and show more confidence and respect myself more that he’d stop cheating, etc.
This is a guy that when we first started dating I pretty much had him in the palm of my hand. He would cry if I were ten minutes late from work. Now the tables are turned and he’s totally different. I’m just a confused gal as my name reflects.
There is a indian legend, That tells a story of a boy on a mountain...
A Indian boy started to go up to the top of a mountain in search of his vision. And as he climbed up the mountain, the air got cooler and cooler. And he came upon a snake laying in the path. The snake was shivering, and said to the boy. "Please help me. I can't move, I am so cold that I can no longer make it any further down the mountain."
The boy said to the snake "No way! You're a snake, if I pick you up, you'll bite me!" The snake replied. "No, no I won't, I promise I won't bite you if you'll only pick me up and help get me down the mountain."
So the young boy picked up the snake, put him in his shirt, and continued climbing to the top of the mountain in search of his vision. When he got back down to the bottom of the mountain, he reached in, took out the snake, and the snake bit the young boy.
The boy replied to the snake "Hey! You bit me, you said that if I'd help you out, that you wouldn't bite me!"
The snake replied "But you knew what I was when you picked me up!"
There is another thread on TAM here called "What kind of Women get cheated on" you can look to for more info.
Re: "did I force him into the arms of another woman?" Unless you pushed him into her arms and made him cheat, then no. I doubt you did that.
You say you have insecurity issues. I can tell you that is a major turn off for men and women alike. If you have no confidence, it's not attractive. Now, if your insecurities ttemmed from him being unfaithful and lying to you, that is one thing. If you however were insecure before and constantly accusing/questioning him, then yes--it's likely that made him thing you were a cling-on and not emotionally healthy. Nobody wants to be in a relationship like that. It's exhausting.
Question: did he cheat on his first wife with you? Were you the "other woman" in his first marriage?
All of the affair is on him. However that comment about him eating out of your hand could have been what you hanged him. I know my wife controlled me for years and manipulated me taking advantage of my kindness and love. I got tired of that crap, only took twelve years, and she does not mistake my kindness for weakness. She always tells me she gets it now and she wont take advantage if I am overly nice again. She misses those times and sees how she got greedy and screwed up. Too late for that. I never cheated but the resentment was incredible. Posted via Mobile Device
I had trust issues with him from the get go because he told me that he cheated on all of his ex girlfriends with the exception of his wife. Then noticed he called an ex behind my back and had her lie to me. That's where my insecurity with him stemmed from. I've always had trust issues with men but with him it was the worst.
He did not cheat on his wife. He was not with her so no I was not the other woman in his marriage.
If he is turned off by my insecurity then he is most likely cheating.
I will say it is strange that he cheated on all the exes, but the ex wife, and then did it again. Onlybecause it seems mor elogical he'd not have cheated on his first relationship and then cheated in subsequen t onces. Make sense?
Anyway, it's not you dear. it's him. Sounds like out of all the relationships he's had, there was only one he didn't cheat in. And that one still ended in divorce. Did he say why they split??
You can't "turn" anything around -- that's up to him. I can tell you that the Doormat Approach does not work in any circumstance ever.
Jellybeans - they ended in divorce because she cheated on him and he got physical with her. She had an affair and wound up leaving him for the other guy.
Now I must say that I know her and we talk. She is very in love and secure with herself. I wonder if he did cheat on her as well but she just didn't notice/pay attention or was not on the look out like I am?
So a 180 approach will not help? I'm just thinking of all options before I crush myself and have to walk away. I want to make sure I'm not making a mistake.
It is possible h3e cheated on her but didn't tell you, like Shaggy said, Either way, no matter.
He is actively cheating on you. What is the status of your relationship? Have either of you filed separation/divorce?
You cannot do anything that will "make" him give up the sidepiece. Don't forget that. He has to want to on his own. Sounds like he is the perfect candidate for the Peter Pan syndrome.
Remember, the 180 is for you, NEVER for the spouse.
Check it out--if he's cheating on you & won't end it, you deserve better. Why do you want to cling to someone who is so blatantly disrespecting you?
Jellybeans - It's SO hard for me to walk from him. I've never been so in love with someone. He's everything I ever wanted besides the suspicious activities. He has so much control over me. I am not going to lie. I'm over consumed with this relationship. It's all I think about. I can't focus. I'm so afraid he will leave me for someone else.
I know this is all so irrational but it's truly the way I feel. I'm in a panic because he's acting distant and now the perfume smell, etc. I guess I have so much pride as well. It would KILL me if he left me for someone else.
I would start questioning why? Is it because she's secure and confident and/or a *****? Or what? Like I mentioned before. I'm very attractive, fun loving, have a great job and am wonderful to him and his family/children, am a great lover, etc. so I just don't get it.
I'm having anxiety and panic over it all. It's just not fair. I need a miracle to get strength.