Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this - Page 10 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

 88Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #136 of 203 (permalink) Old 03-07-2013, 12:43 PM
Member
 
Hope1964's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Alberta
Posts: 8,650
Re: Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this

bump!!


People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

Our R
Hope1964 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #137 of 203 (permalink) Old 03-08-2013, 10:21 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 4
Re: Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this

thanks for the info on the abbvs. i was a little lost when trying to figure out what some one was saying ,,, now i know what they were saying.
josepe is offline  
post #138 of 203 (permalink) Old 03-11-2013, 08:23 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: From the West, Traveling East
Posts: 2,242
Re: Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this

Who doin dat bump?
SomedayDig is offline  
 
post #139 of 203 (permalink) Old 04-05-2013, 08:41 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,585
Re: Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this

Bump
Posted via Mobile Device
Eli-Zor is offline  
post #140 of 203 (permalink) Old 04-12-2013, 01:18 PM
Member
 
MrQuatto's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 334
MrQuatto is offline  
post #141 of 203 (permalink) Old 04-13-2013, 03:50 PM
Member
 
MrQuatto's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 334
MrQuatto is offline  
post #142 of 203 (permalink) Old 04-27-2013, 03:04 PM
Member
 
mablenc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Danvers State Insane Asylum
Posts: 9,963
Re: Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this

Bumping and adding,

Just an FYI

if you are in the US and going through the awful anxiety and depression, please see your doctor and ask if they can excuse you from work. If you have worked for a company of 50 or more employes and have been working for over a year you can apply for FMLA which protects you from being fired for absences due to medical reasons for up to 12 weeks. If you have short term disbabity apply for that too, this will continue your pay

Sever depression and anxiety is very common with BS. It is not uncommon to lose lots of weight and not be able o sleep in days. Most people can't function like this let alone work. This qualifies as a medical/mental condition and should be handled privately by your employer.

Also, please check with your employer if they have an employee assistance program. You can get free counseling, attorney services at a discount and many more things.

Blessed are the peacemakers.
mablenc is offline  
post #143 of 203 (permalink) Old 05-12-2013, 03:10 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,585
Re: Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this

Bump
Posted via Mobile Device
Eli-Zor is offline  
post #144 of 203 (permalink) Old 05-29-2013, 04:05 PM
Member
 
lordmayhem's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: USA All The Way
Posts: 5,178
lordmayhem is offline  
post #145 of 203 (permalink) Old 05-29-2013, 04:07 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: From the West, Traveling East
Posts: 2,242
Re: Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this

Re-bump to add....

If you've been screwed over and would enjoy a little bit of evening up the score - go learn about Cheaterville . com

SomedayDig is offline  
post #146 of 203 (permalink) Old 06-12-2013, 09:36 PM
Member
 
Maricha75's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 7,273
Re: Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this

There ya go, Dig. Since lordmayhem suggested it, I did it for you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SomedayDig View Post
So, you got cheated on. Doesn't that f'ng suck moose balls? Seriously. This crap hurts to the core and no one who's never experienced it will understand what you're feeling right now. It's not to say they can't offer you a shoulder to cry on or words of comfort, but they just don't know how badly you really hurt.

Well, you're here now aren't ya? So, while you're here why don't ya grab a soda or wine or bourbon (that's my personal fave) and read for a minute.

First ~ you are gonna be pissed!! Yeah, man. Pissed. As in what in the hell is going on and why did my spouse/partner do this? I've given so much and they took everything I gave for granted and sh-t all over it. If I were less civilized I would lash out with a fist to their face! Yeah...even as the man I honestly thought about punching my wife in the f'ng face once. I didn't though, because violence ain't cool. It won't solve a damn thing. Even if you're the woman and you wanna slap him so damn hard...it ain't worth it in the end. Even if you decide to divorce, it ain't worth it. Spend that energy on yourself and get into the gym or go walk/jog/run a few miles. I promise you'll feel oodles better.

Next ~ what do ya do with ALL of this agony?! Good God you don't know where your brain and heart are cuz they seem to be miles apart in one tiny, barely functioning body. Well my brothers and sisters...again, you ain't alone. What you do with the agony is totally up to you. I can tell you what I did with mine and other people will tell you what they did with theirs. Mine...I spent $75 on a 100 pound heavy bag and another $20 on a good pair of gel knuckled gloves like they use in MMA. I beat the ever living sh-t outta that bag every day. Sometimes multiple times a day. Something had to take my agony in a positive way. It wore me out. I screamed, cried and even kicked at the f'ng thing. I elbowed it and made it my goal to break it and watch the sand pour out onto my garage floor. It never happened, but I sure enjoyed trying. It was constructive.

Mind movies. The very first post I ever made on a forum was over at Loveshack about mind movies. Yeah, don't go there. They ban betrayed spouses too quickly for the pain they're in. They cater more to the wayward spouses. Anywho, mind movies suck ass. Seriously. I would be driving in my car or riding on my motorcycle and all of a sudden a vision of my wife and the xOM would flip on in my grey matter and they are doing all kinds of crazy sh-t. How I never got into a wreck is beyond me. So, what can ya do about the mind movies. Well, ya can't really do anything about them. What you do when they happen...ohhh, yeah ~ you CAN control that. I did two things. First, I had a rubber band around my wrist that I would snap...kinda like when trying to quit tobacco. I'd get a mind movie and SNAP. I'd do it hard, too. No pansy or candy ass effort here. Make it hurt. Snap yourself back cuz your imagination is probably a whole helluva lot worse than the reality. The other thing I would do, is simply let the movie play out. It wasn't a feature flick or an Lord of the Rings trilogy epic. It would last maybe 10 seconds. Then, I'd take a deep breath and center myself. Yeah...Zen sh-t. It works. I'd talk myself down from there and move on with my life whatever I was doing.

Divorce. Yep. Sometimes that is the ONLY way that you are going to free yourself from the pain and agony of infidelity. It's just that simple. If an affair is a deal breaker for you, then that is that. Feel free to file and move on with improving your life from someone's selfish ego feed! Just remember, in everything that you do, don't ever make a rash decision on a life changing deal.

Reconciliation. Sometimes people want to reconcile. They want to try to repair the marriage. If that is you, just know one thing: It is harder than you f'ng think. If you rug sweep this sh-t, you will only come back to TAM inside of a year and post how you were in false reconciliation. The wayward spouse has EVERYTHING on their shoulders at this point. I'm not saying you get to treat them like a sack of sh-t. What I'm saying is that they need to understand the gift that has been given to them and act accordingly. Trust me. When it comes to an affair, and I don't care if it's an EA, PA, ONS, LTA or whatever cool initials there are - you WILL know if reconciliation is gonna work within a day or two...maybe even an hour or two! You will sense it. Use your gut. It is almost NEVER wrong.

Above all...post your story here in ONE thread. Don't create multiple threads cuz that just dilutes your story. READ everyone's comments and don't get scared or pissed off if you don't agree 100% with a poster. A lot of newbs here claim that betrayed spouses are bitter toward them and throw out their anger in projection. It happens. But it happens a lot less than is believed. If you see it, use the REPORT button if it's that bad. Otherwise, just ignore the comment and move on. Flame wars are always a lose/lose situation.

Whether you choose to Divorce or Reconcile, understand that you will probably need at least 2 years to heal. Yeah, that's right - even with divorce and cutting the tumor from your life, you will endure the pain of betrayal. Don't kid yourself. You will still hurt and if you get into a relationship too quickly, you're only gonna sabotage it. Same with reconciliation. Don't think cuz you're hyper-bonding and banging like bunnies that everything is a-okay. Triggers will hit you whether you're alone, with your spouse or having sex with your spouse. That brings me to my final point...

Communication. You didn't have it before or during the affair otherwise your sorry butt wouldn't be here reading this thread. BOTH of you need to have 100% OPEN & HONEST communication. That means you talk about everything. EVER-Y-THING in an adult, open way. Divorce or Reconciliation it doesn't matter. You need to be honest with each other. You will never heal without it.

Again, it sucks that you're here. I'm sorry you're here. I'm sorry I'M here. I hate this place. It gives me comfort.

You can use the 2x4 without adding nails to it.
Maricha75 is offline  
post #147 of 203 (permalink) Old 06-18-2013, 10:43 AM
Member
 
lordmayhem's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: USA All The Way
Posts: 5,178
lordmayhem is offline  
post #148 of 203 (permalink) Old 06-21-2013, 06:18 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: From the West, Traveling East
Posts: 2,242
Re: Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this

Bazinga!
Posted via Mobile Device
SomedayDig is offline  
post #149 of 203 (permalink) Old 06-26-2013, 09:57 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: From the West, Traveling East
Posts: 2,242
Re: Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this

Hai
Posted via Mobile Device
SomedayDig is offline  
post #150 of 203 (permalink) Old 06-26-2013, 10:31 AM
Member
 
Hope1964's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Alberta
Posts: 8,650
Re: Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this

Quote:
Originally Posted by SomedayDig View Post
Hai
Posted via Mobile Device
ku

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

Our R
Hope1964 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies) staystrong Coping with Infidelity 151 03-01-2014 07:06 AM
For the Newbies: The crazy things the cheating spouse does AppleDucklings Coping with Infidelity 24 02-12-2013 06:36 PM
newbies learn from my fail- wifes e/a with coworker strugglinghusband Coping with Infidelity 40 12-24-2011 10:51 AM
Newbies, be aware of bad advice AppleDucklings Coping with Infidelity 22 12-14-2011 08:33 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome