I found the email address for the OM...should I email?
So I found the email address the the OM and was wondering If I should email him? Let him know how I feel from my perspective? DS and I are getting separated so what is the worse that will happen? She'll get mad? Or should I leave it alone and seek closure and move on?
Does anyone have any positive or negative experiences with this?
Re: I found the email address for the OM...should I email?
Quote:
Originally Posted by PBear
What would the purpose of the email be? Without understanding what you intend to accomplish, an email is useless.
C Posted via Mobile Device
My thoughts are to provide my thoughts on the EA and how it has helped to destroy our marriage. I want him to know from my perspective how damaging this has been and continues to be.
Re: I found the email address for the OM...should I email?
The OM could care a less, I'm sure wife has but a spin on your marriage in such a way that he may feel like is not doing any thing wrong.
So with that said if you are going to email OM, you should make it more informative then a perspective on how *he* is damaging the marriage.
I would suggest you indroduce your self and inform OM that you have every intention of working on the marriage, even now that it has taken this path. [a statement that tells OM you will still be around]
On a side note I wish you would have keep everything on one thread so I could offer up a better perspective with mere history of you sitch. any way I would confront, but remember its not about the OM its about your wife.
Inform him that (if this is the case) that you plan on exposing the affiar. [ a statement telling OM the drama may not be worth his time].
Keep the email short in that you will continue to work for R and that, what ever your W has told him about the marriage, that there has been a good marriage until resent, you are working on your self, and you still love her. Then finish up with the fact that you have nothing to loose and will continue to fight for the marriage.
Do not make any threats to him directly or accuse him for the bad marriage, but in an indirect way let him know that you will continue to make the affair as uncomfortable and as inconvienent as possible with the intent of get a NC and R in mind.
Wording is everything so get to the point and make it short. You want OM to second guess what your W has been telling him and the fact of exposure is not worth the relationship.
Getting the point across that you are the good guy and not some mad jealose, controlling husband will suit you better then blaming him for your marriage problems. Again getting him to rethink his involvement with a married women. If you can word it in such away by adding some of the good points you have as a husband may get him to put the shoe on the other foot , if you know what I mean.
Just be prepared OM may never ever give a dam, but I think its important to inform him that it is not at all what your wife is making it out to be, that alone my change his thinking.
Re: I found the email address for the OM...should I email?
Quote:
Originally Posted by the guy
The OM could care a less, I'm sure wife has but a spin on your marriage in such a way that he may feel like is not doing any thing wrong.
So with that said if you are going to email OM, you should make it more informative then a perspective on how *he* is damaging the marriage.
I would suggest you indroduce your self and inform OM that you have every intention of working on the marriage, even now that it has taken this path. [a statement that tells OM you will still be around]
On a side note I wish you would have keep everything on one thread so I could offer up a better perspective with mere history of you sitch. any way I would confront, but remember its not about the OM its about your wife.
Inform him that (if this is the case) that you plan on exposing the affiar. [ a statement telling OM the drama may not be worth his time].
Keep the email short in that you will continue to work for R and that, what ever your W has told him about the marriage, that there has been a good marriage until resent, you are working on your self, and you still love her. Then finish up with the fact that you have nothing to loose and will continue to fight for the marriage.
Do not make any threats to him directly or accuse him for the bad marriage, but in an indirect way let him know that you will continue to make the affair as uncomfortable and as inconvienent as possible with the intent of get a NC and R in mind.
Wording is everything so get to the point and make it short. You want OM to second guess what your W has been telling him and the fact of exposure is not worth the relationship.
Getting the point across that you are the good guy and not some mad jealose, controlling husband will suit you better then blaming him for your marriage problems. Again getting him to rethink his involvement with a married women. If you can word it in such away by adding some of the good points you have as a husband may get him to put the shoe on the other foot , if you know what I mean.
Just be prepared OM may never ever give a dam, but I think its important to inform him that it is not at all what your wife is making it out to be, that alone my change his thinking.
I think emailing anyone but the OM's wife/gf/family/work/friends is a waste of time. Emailing the OM will only tip your hand and give him warning to set up damage control measures to counter the exposure.
To hell with him and his life. He is the the one (along with your disloyal wife) that have done this to your marriage. To hell with them and their affair.
You should be at war! Not at war with your wife, at war with the OM and the affair. TO HELL WITH HIM.
EXPOSE EXPOSE EXPOSE. NO WARNING WHATSOEVER TO ANYONE, INCLUDING YOUR DW.
Re: I found the email address for the OM...should I email?
Good point, that makes sense, with out any more info. does 9500 even know if his wife still wants the marriage?
In fighting an affair there are steps and to be up front I didn't confront OM. The NC letter was written and commited to, so in my case there was not much of a fight in ending my WW affair.
The only point is if 9500 is not heading for a R and his WW is in the fog it is an avenue to make the affiar as inconvienent and as uncomfortable as possibly.
Just like exposeure, I may have gotten my steps mixed up, so yes if Mrs. 9500 wants to continue her affair then exposure and then confronting OM in preventing his WW rewriting history.
Yes the issue is with his WW, and the OM *may* thinks that the marriage is done or 9500 hits her or some other BS that makes them both sleep at night to avoid the quilt. The point is setting the record straight, if that makes sense? Hell even if he confronts OM and informs him that 9500 and his wife still sleep together, is this a stress on the affair, and that can't be bad?
Thats the thing with all this cheating crap, there are so many variables, I don't know were his W stands. I wish folks would stay on the same thread instead of starting a new one every time a different issue comes up.
I guess according to the script she is blame shifting and gaslighting and still in the fog. Some may say the marriage is done, but what do I know, his wife may be remorseful or she may not.
I'm still in the crowd in that confronting OM is not only empowering but effective in fighting the affiar. Even if its done after exposure.
I do agree with the "hell with OM" but again it may be another avenue in fighting the affair if the WW wants to continue or is on the fence.
Re: I found the email address for the OM...should I email?
I did. But I didn't know then what I know now. I figured it was safe since he's in another country. It was in the aftermath after DDay when I finally got into her secret facebook account, and there it was, his email address. Hadn't been to any infidelity support sites yet and I was still a mess. I threatened him, told him it would be no problem kicking the sh!t out of him.
It was all bravado of course, because if it came down to it, I wouldn't be getting arrested because of some POS. I freely admit it was stupid. But it did make me feel better, especially when the coward didn't have the courage to reply.
Re: I found the email address for the OM...should I email?
Lord, you are not the only one, after a year of being here at TAM I have heard how empowering it can be.
I'm just the guy with a perspective, I hope 9500 finds the right path to take, there are many here that still haven't piped in.
As far as advise goes, wait and read, the answer will come, there is alot to be said on both sides of this coin so read and figure out the best path that will work for your marriage.
Lord, you are not the only one, after a year of being here at TAM I have heard how empowering it can be.
I'm just the guy with a perspective, I hope 9500 finds the right path to take, there are many here that still haven't piped in.
As far as advise goes, wait and read, the answer will come, there is alot to be said on both sides of this coin so read and figure out the best path that will work for your marriage.
First...my error for starting too many threads. As far as DS she shows no interest in R and is deep in the fog. She continues her gaslighting and rewrite history campaigns and is starting to get angry....I think she is feeling cornered and the price for her decisions. For me I have gone back to the 180 and working on staying calm. The ES and I'M are my triggers so I need to stop being obsessed in order to help the anger. I thought of emailing OM when I had an angry point today....I have calmed since then. Thanks everyone for your feedback and support. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: I found the email address for the OM...should I email?
What is funny is that this is somewhat exposed already. Her parents and sisters know but only what DS gas role them. I talked with her parents too and they surprisingly downplayed the role of the EA. Only my parents understand how much it hurts. We have kids so I will go dark as I can and hit the 180 hard. Posted via Mobile Device
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I found the email address for the OM...should I email? 
