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post #31 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-24-2016, 03:52 PM
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

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180, expose, 180, file, 180, divorce, 180.
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Is this the Polinski 720?

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post #32 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-24-2016, 03:54 PM
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

I know Hantei will understand this one.

Hantei's wife has found an artist. He is a p**s artist.

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post #33 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-24-2016, 04:31 PM
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

She is still lying to you my friend.

This was not a "one time thing" like she said. She was telling you she needed this and wanted to keep both of you,so your answer to this is "Long Time Affair".

She didnt even tell you his name. I am sticking with my opinion that he is a co-worker so she will keep seeing him day after day.

What is even worse it could be one of your best friends. You really need to think about this. If you dont know details about Affair then your marriage is going to fall even lower and you are going to get hurt worse.

Talk with lawyer and see your custody rights.
Expose this-trust me she is going to blame you and talk bad things about you

She showed you once more that she is not willing to work on your marriage.

If she was truly sorry then she would give you all answers then find herself a good therapist.

Stay strong.
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post #34 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-24-2016, 04:43 PM
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

Hi from another Aussie


balh blah. enlightment, balh blah need to find myself. blah blah.. love you.. blah. blah.. fcking blah

Here is what I WISH i had said and if this ever goes down again will be said.

Ok. Bye.
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post #35 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-24-2016, 04:47 PM
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

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Originally Posted by ing View Post
Hi from another Aussie


balh blah. enlightment, balh blah need to find myself. blah blah.. love you.. blah. blah.. fcking blah

Here is what I WISH i had said and if this ever goes down again will be said.

Ok. Bye.
Strewth!



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post #36 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-24-2016, 04:55 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

Thanks for the responses - all of them (including brief and vey straight ones are helpful). I'm likely not going to be able to respond to each of them individually, however some common points at the moment look like this:

The lawyer I want is booked till mid of March so I have an appointment with an alternative on Monday. I googled the divorce laws over here and it looks like they suck. I'm not going however to stay with her if (or I'd rather say when) we are separating - since I can't legally kick her out as it seems to be the case - I'll leave myself. I'm also trying to force myself to realise that this is a real possibility and not some bad dream so I won’t be dragging my feet for too long.

I would like to clarify the divorce discussion. I have not engaged her in a final civilized adults "that is what we do next" discussion about the divorce yet. However I brought this up multiple times since discovery as a natural reaction of a man whose wife told him she is not happy in the marriage and seems to be moving on by sleeping with another man. I did get a variety of reactions - silent tears, "I'm not sure", "If that is what you want, I understand", "I don't know what to do", which I averaged into "I don't know if I want to divorce you or not". I may be getting paranoid but I think there is a hint of relieve when I bring this up as "based on what I learned and heard from you [Wife] I think we need to start divorcing". Does it make any sense?

By stating that the decision has been taken from me I mean that I could have considered a reconciliation (I think, not sure) if there was a pure remorse, regret and commitment to save the family as it was the case in the stories I have checked so far, but I'm not going to be engaged on one-sided attempts to save the marriage if the other party is unsure. So perhaps a more appropriate definition is that all options but divorce have been taken from me.

@BlueWoman, thanks for the great post and some definitions and insights that I'm going to memorise. I don't have to be convinced to follow an advice (or at least take it into an account) - since I came here for one.

@Borntohang, all I know that he is some sort of executive salesman in a services company. I don't think there is a history (e.g. former boyfriend). Not the most artistic and enigmatic bunch if you ask me. At the moment I don't feel like I really need to know more and press her for more information as she's reluctant to give it (would be a different story if we are to reconcile). But this may change.

@aine - no I'm not Asian. My username does not reflect my ethnicity. I'm working on 4 and 7 (thanks to alte Dame who posted a link to 180), considering 6. When it comes to 5 - I moved into the guest bedroom 1 on my own on the same day when I got that voice mail. She was (acting?) surprised by the move, but once again I can't stop myself from thinking I have noticed some relieve she doesn't have to share the bed. She also stated she does not want to be in "our" bedroom alone and moved to guest bedroom 2 next night.

@Bandit. Not going to happen (I refer to your 1st paragraph post #16). And you seem to be correct (post #23)

@QuietSoul. G'day mate! No I have not expressed to her I want to work through things. She does not act like she wants it, so I'm not going solo on this journey (of reconciliation). Thanks for the MC reference. The Shire is perhaps bit too far for me but I'd go for a good MC with emphasis on the word "marriage". At the moment I feel I need to know if I have a marriage to salvage in the 1st place. So many thanks and I'll PM you when or if the time comes.

@jorgegene - please see my summary above, hope it answers that.

@MattMatt - he is not an artist, apparently he is in sales. I don't think (going through the list of people I know who may fit the description) I know him. Time will tell.

Thanks to everyone else even if I wasn't able to respond individually.
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post #37 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-24-2016, 05:05 PM
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

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I would like to clarify the divorce discussion. I have not engaged her in a final civilized adults "that is what we do next" discussion about the divorce yet. However I brought this up multiple times since discovery as a natural reaction of a man whose wife told him she is not happy in the marriage and seems to be moving on by sleeping with another man. I did get a variety of reactions - silent tears, "I'm not sure", "If that is what you want, I understand", "I don't know what to do", which I averaged into "I don't know if I want to divorce you or not". I may be getting paranoid but I think there is a hint of relieve when I bring this up as "based on what I learned and heard from you [Wife] I think we need to start divorcing". Does it make any sense?
Yes that makes perfect sense.
By saying "I don't know" she is really saying "How much will you put up with"

It will take 12-18 months anyway from your separation and that feels like forever.

Open a new bank account and split the money. This can count as a separation point.
Don't get lawyers involved unless you have to. The divorce can be done on line in Australia, when the time comes, and is very easy and cheap even if you do have to go to court

Just split everything in half and walk away. It will work out best for both of you

Do you have kids?

Last edited by ing; 02-24-2016 at 05:11 PM. Reason: 12-18 not 21-18
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post #38 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-24-2016, 05:09 PM
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

It sucks but in the long run its best for you

You don't want a women like this in another 10 years that will be doing the same

Once trust is gone and she starts looking and feeling for another guy what other avenue is there

She may come running hard to you shortly........ if you take her back that's on you...it will be harder then
and seem not as clear cut BUT I know where I would rather be in a years time in your situation
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post #39 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-24-2016, 05:53 PM
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

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Originally Posted by ing View Post
Hi from another Aussie


balh blah. enlightment, balh blah need to find myself. blah blah.. love you.. blah. blah.. fcking blah

Here is what I WISH i had said and if this ever goes down again will be said.

Ok. Bye.
I don't know if it's possible to like this post more.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #40 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-24-2016, 06:45 PM
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

You did nice my friend but the problem is still there. You are trying to repair your life,marriage and even asked her direct questions about your marriage but she is not willing to work with you.

She is still seeing,texting this other man and now she is doing it with your knowledge.

Dont beg her anymore. You did try and it didnt work. Now you look after yourself.

You know what is going to happen next my friend ?

You will start your talks with lawyer and server her with Divorce papers. When she got them she will change her story and she will want to stay with you. Also she will start blaming you,because you work to long hours,you are never there for her and the other man was so caring and willing to listen to her.
All of this while she was sleeping with him and "Finding herself".

It is simple. No more mister Nice Guy.

Take care my friend and best wishes to you.

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post #41 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-24-2016, 07:12 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

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Yes that makes perfect sense.
By saying "I don't know" she is really saying "How much will you put up with"

It will take 12-18 months anyway from your separation and that feels like forever.

Open a new bank account and split the money. This can count as a separation point.
Don't get lawyers involved unless you have to. The divorce can be done on line in Australia, when the time comes, and is very easy and cheap even if you do have to go to court

Just split everything in half and walk away. It will work out best for both of you

Do you have kids?
Looks like you do know what you're talking about. I assume you've had a questionable pleasure of going thorough the process here your self. I'll do just that only I'll get an advice from a lawyer 1st but will try to avoid a messy and adversary divorce.

Yes I have a son and I'm not looking forward to the day I'll have to tell him. Not sure what custody frameworks are in place here.

Sh**t
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post #42 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-24-2016, 07:20 PM
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

@Hantei She wanted someone "artistic" but was he an artist? No.

What does she really want? She wants the moon on a stick and a lovely carriage pulled by two pink unicorns.

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post #43 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-24-2016, 07:24 PM
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Post Re: I don't know what would be the right title

Yes I did go through it and I can tell you that in the court room ( yes I had to go to court) there were 26 people. 25 of them were betrayed spouses.
It is sh1t but she wants what she wants.


You will need a separation agreement.

While your wife is in the new relationship fog she will be happy to give away custody of the kids. You do NOT have to involve the courts and in fact it is discouraged in Australia

This details who pays for what, when and how. This can be done by email. You can in fact Divorce by email too..
This is a good site

Write a separation agreement detailing the things mentioned in the site. It does not have to be a novel. Make is 3 month review and do it again then. Things will change in the next 3 months

It sucks but she is telling you it is over. All you can do is remove as much pain and suffering as you can.

Your son probably already knows something is wrong. Do not wait too long
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post #44 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-24-2016, 07:25 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

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You did nice my friend but the problem is still there. You are trying to repair your life,marriage and even asked her direct questions about your marriage but she is not willing to work with you.

She is still seeing,texting this other man and now she is doing it with your knowledge.

Dont beg her anymore. You did try and it didnt work. Now you look after yourself.

You know what is going to happen next my friend ?

You will start your talks with lawyer and server her with Divorce papers. When she got them she will change her story and she will want to stay with you. Also she will start blaming you,because you work to long hours,you are never there for her and the other man was so caring and willing to listen to her.
All of this while she was sleeping with him and "Finding herself".

It is simple. No more mister Nice Guy.

Take care my friend and best wishes to you.
Correct, I have not begged for anything (in fact she told me she is surprised by the apparent lack of emotions and in her speech that reinforced her point about my lack of enigma) but I'm not sure how would I have reacted if she asked for reconciliation. So if I'll follow what seems to be the most common advice here (divorce and move on) it is not because I'm so mentally strong bit because that seems to be the best and only way forward.

As for the rest (long hours, attention) - did you plant a listening device in my home?
This plus an apparent according to her lack of active social life is the most confusing part for me as I have been always encouraging this and she was more like let's spend the evening together.

You know her being my best friend and my best mate and the person I do prefer to spend time with is not a metaphor, but we did have a bright and active social life. I don't know how much more of that she wants short of being a party girl again.
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post #45 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-24-2016, 07:36 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

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@Hantei She wanted someone "artistic" but was he an artist? No.

What does she really want? She wants the moon on a stick and a lovely carriage pulled by two pink unicorns.
My whole situation doesn't make any sense to me. It's all upside down.

She didn't want an artist as such as far as I can gather but some sort of a ... celebrity I guess?
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