Thanks for the responses - all of them (including brief and vey straight ones are helpful). I'm likely not going to be able to respond to each of them individually, however some common points at the moment look like this:
The lawyer I want is booked till mid of March so I have an appointment with an alternative on Monday. I googled the divorce laws over here and it looks like they suck. I'm not going however to stay with her if (or I'd rather say when) we are separating - since I can't legally kick her out as it seems to be the case - I'll leave myself. I'm also trying to force myself to realise that this is a real possibility and not some bad dream so I won’t be dragging my feet for too long.
I would like to clarify the divorce discussion. I have not engaged her in a final civilized adults "that is what we do next" discussion about the divorce yet. However I brought this up multiple times since discovery as a natural reaction of a man whose wife told him she is not happy in the marriage and seems to be moving on by sleeping with another man. I did get a variety of reactions - silent tears, "I'm not sure", "If that is what you want, I understand", "I don't know what to do", which I averaged into "I don't know if I want to divorce you or not". I may be getting paranoid but I think there is a hint of relieve when I bring this up as "based on what I learned and heard from you [Wife] I think we need to start divorcing". Does it make any sense?
By stating that the decision has been taken from me I mean that I could have considered a reconciliation (I think, not sure) if there was a pure remorse, regret and commitment to save the family as it was the case in the stories I have checked so far, but I'm not going to be engaged on one-sided attempts to save the marriage if the other party is unsure. So perhaps a more appropriate definition is that all options but divorce have been taken from me.
, thanks for the great post and some definitions and insights that I'm going to memorise. I don't have to be convinced to follow an advice (or at least take it into an account) - since I came here for one.
, all I know that he is some sort of executive salesman in a services company. I don't think there is a history (e.g. former boyfriend). Not the most artistic and enigmatic bunch if you ask me. At the moment I don't feel like I really need to know more and press her for more information as she's reluctant to give it (would be a different story if we are to reconcile). But this may change.
- no I'm not Asian. My username does not reflect my ethnicity. I'm working on 4 and 7 (thanks to alte Dame who posted a link to 180), considering 6. When it comes to 5 - I moved into the guest bedroom 1 on my own on the same day when I got that voice mail. She was (acting?) surprised by the move, but once again I can't stop myself from thinking I have noticed some relieve she doesn't have to share the bed. She also stated she does not want to be in "our" bedroom alone and moved to guest bedroom 2 next night.
. Not going to happen (I refer to your 1st paragraph post #16). And you seem to be correct (post #23)
. G'day mate! No I have not expressed to her I want to work through things. She does not act like she wants it, so I'm not going solo on this journey (of reconciliation). Thanks for the MC reference. The Shire is perhaps bit too far for me but I'd go for a good MC with emphasis on the word "marriage". At the moment I feel I need to know if I have a marriage to salvage in the 1st place. So many thanks and I'll PM you when or if the time comes.
- please see my summary above, hope it answers that.
- he is not an artist, apparently he is in sales. I don't think (going through the list of people I know who may fit the description) I know him. Time will tell.
Thanks to everyone else even if I wasn't able to respond individually.