I don't know what would be the right title - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

 3849Likes
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #61 of 1810 (permalink) Old 02-24-2016, 11:54 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,100
Re: I don't know what would be the right title

There are nice loving women out there guys...its the few shvt ones that tarnish the rest

Matey you used the word confronted..yeaaa....last resort...but can be very effective

G.J. is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #62 of 1810 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 12:02 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 245
Re: I don't know what would be the right title

Quote:
Originally Posted by G.J. View Post
There are nice loving women out there guys...its the few shvt ones that tarnish the rest

Matey you used the word confronted..yeaaa....last resort...but can be very effective
I don't doubt that there are great women. I have me mum. Its the marriage laws made up by the tossers up top that I find disgusting.
weltschmerz is offline  
post #63 of 1810 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 12:05 AM
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,100
Re: I don't know what would be the right title

Come the revolution brother
G.J. is offline  
 
post #64 of 1810 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 12:06 AM
ing
Member
 
ing's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,309
Re: I don't know what would be the right title

Quote:
Originally Posted by CTPlay View Post
Hantei,

Canada has somewhat similar laws but don't let that intimidate you. It did intimidate me but looking at it through a clear lens the one year wait period means nothing.

Contact your lawyer or lawyers and tell them you want to initiate the separation process. Start gathering your financial information and pay to have the separation agreement prepared on your end. You want to have control over this.
Contact a real estate agent and sell your house. Notify your lawyer of course before you do this.
Sell the house, move out separated. Start healing.

When I had heard the above. It was impossible for me to comprehend. IMPOSSIBLE. I also had preschool children in the mix.

But I did it. It was the hardest thing in my life but I did it.

To add: I'm nothing special. I didn't have massive help. I was and is just as everyone else. It can be done.

Godspeed. You can do this but the first step is file that separation agreement right away and get counselling.

I'm so sorry. I know what this sounds like. I really do.
Dude.. nice to see you
ing is offline  
post #65 of 1810 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 12:13 AM
ing
Member
 
ing's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,309
Re: I don't know what would be the right title

oh.. we do understand the enormous pain you are in. We totally get the feeling. Try to remember to eat and something I forgot before.
DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE

It can actually be a pivot point.

" If you want to continue this affair I think it is only fair that you move out to do it"
ing is offline  
post #66 of 1810 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 01:04 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Tampa area
Posts: 2,288
Re: I don't know what would be the right title

You mentioned the two of you hav identical phones. Do you get one bill ? Can you get access to the bill that number will show up on?

Standard Evidence Post. Review this link.


Do not let your WW's action define you. Let your response define you.

Last edited by JohnA; 02-25-2016 at 08:56 AM.
JohnA is offline  
post #67 of 1810 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 02:32 AM
Moderator
 
MattMatt's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: England
Posts: 18,335
Re: I don't know what would be the right title

OM may be a Knight In Shining Armour saving the poor damsel In distress from the evil ogre. Which would be you in the drama she has written.
Posted via Mobile Device

http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk
http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
MattMatt is online now  
post #68 of 1810 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 04:53 AM
Forum Supporter
 
arbitrator's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Texas/Brazos Valley
Posts: 10,896
Re: I don't know what would be the right title

@Hantei ~ Sorry to see you here, but you were coveniently and covertly around as her "Plan A," and now that her affair has escalated to where it is, are in her dispensable category!

Immediately "180" her and move on! She has more than exhibited her true colors!

Expose her, and get yourself tested for the presence of STD's! Then see a lawyer ASAP to assess your legal rights!

Posted via Mobile Device

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
arbitrator is online now  
post #69 of 1810 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 05:02 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 579
Re: I don't know what would be the right title

Maybe shame of the consequences/exposure is the only thing stopping her from leaving you..One way to find out.

Exposure as in telling her family and yours.

She had the nerve to tell you that she wants "someone who is enigmatic, artistic and enlightens people around him."

Enlighten the people around you and her. That is what she wants. Be artistic in how you do it and make her heart race once again, but just not the way she expects.

And once you file for divorce, become enigmatic. The punchlines are almost writing themselves.
sparrow555 is offline  
post #70 of 1810 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 05:09 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 579
Re: I don't know what would be the right title

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hantei View Post
Thanks for the responses - all of them (including brief and vey straight ones are helpful). I'm likely not going to be able to respond to each of them individually, however some common points at the moment look like this:

The lawyer I want is booked till mid of March so I have an appointment with an alternative on Monday. I googled the divorce laws over here and it looks like they suck. I'm not going however to stay with her if (or I'd rather say when) we are separating - since I can't legally kick her out as it seems to be the case - I'll leave myself. I'm also trying to force myself to realise that this is a real possibility and not some bad dream so I won’t be dragging my feet for too long.

I would like to clarify the divorce discussion. I have not engaged her in a final civilized adults "that is what we do next" discussion about the divorce yet. However I brought this up multiple times since discovery as a natural reaction of a man whose wife told him she is not happy in the marriage and seems to be moving on by sleeping with another man. I did get a variety of reactions - silent tears, "I'm not sure", "If that is what you want, I understand", "I don't know what to do", which I averaged into "I don't know if I want to divorce you or not". I may be getting paranoid but I think there is a hint of relieve when I bring this up as "based on what I learned and heard from you [Wife] I think we need to start divorcing". Does it make any sense?

By stating that the decision has been taken from me I mean that I could have considered a reconciliation (I think, not sure) if there was a pure remorse, regret and commitment to save the family as it was the case in the stories I have checked so far, but I'm not going to be engaged on one-sided attempts to save the marriage if the other party is unsure. So perhaps a more appropriate definition is that all options but divorce have been taken from me.

@BlueWoman, thanks for the great post and some definitions and insights that I'm going to memorise. I don't have to be convinced to follow an advice (or at least take it into an account) - since I came here for one.

@Borntohang, all I know that he is some sort of executive salesman in a services company. I don't think there is a history (e.g. former boyfriend). Not the most artistic and enigmatic bunch if you ask me. At the moment I don't feel like I really need to know more and press her for more information as she's reluctant to give it (would be a different story if we are to reconcile). But this may change.

@aine - no I'm not Asian. My username does not reflect my ethnicity. I'm working on 4 and 7 (thanks to alte Dame who posted a link to 180), considering 6. When it comes to 5 - I moved into the guest bedroom 1 on my own on the same day when I got that voice mail. She was (acting?) surprised by the move, but once again I can't stop myself from thinking I have noticed some relieve she doesn't have to share the bed. She also stated she does not want to be in "our" bedroom alone and moved to guest bedroom 2 next night.

@Bandit. Not going to happen (I refer to your 1st paragraph post #16). And you seem to be correct (post #23)

@QuietSoul. G'day mate! No I have not expressed to her I want to work through things. She does not act like she wants it, so I'm not going solo on this journey (of reconciliation). Thanks for the MC reference. The Shire is perhaps bit too far for me but I'd go for a good MC with emphasis on the word "marriage". At the moment I feel I need to know if I have a marriage to salvage in the 1st place. So many thanks and I'll PM you when or if the time comes.

@jorgegene - please see my summary above, hope it answers that.

@MattMatt - he is not an artist, apparently he is in sales. I don't think (going through the list of people I know who may fit the description) I know him. Time will tell.

Thanks to everyone else even if I wasn't able to respond individually.

Fear, self doubt, fear, hesitation.


Quote:
in her speech that reinforced her point about my lack of enigma
A cheater will tell you anything to justify her sh!tty actions. It does not matter if it is truth or not, whether it humiliates you or anything. It is put her mind in a justified state. If she actually said that, she must have been unnerved by your lack of response ? I mean, what did she expect ? Falling on her feet begging that you will be creative and artistic ?


Last edited by sparrow555; 02-25-2016 at 05:13 AM.
sparrow555 is offline  
post #71 of 1810 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 06:43 AM
Member
 
eric1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 753
Re: I don't know what would be the right title

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hantei View Post
OR perhaps - and the more I think about it more it feels like a very possible outcome - she'll be with her new boyfriend living happily everafter.



At least her behavior doesn't feel like her life is blown. .. and I can't be sure she's not seeing him right now.



I need to start getting used to it for the next couple of months. Will probably wait to my son gets back and them move out.



Should I try do find out more - like if she's still cheating or not my problem anymore?

She is still seeing him right now.

Cheaters don't change without consequences and until then, it's still active. It may be underground for a bit, but it's active.

The truth is all on her mobile device if you can get your hands on it.

----
eric1 is online now  
post #72 of 1810 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 06:45 AM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Manila
Posts: 2
Re: I don't know what would be the right title

She left you hanging and you are the one confused whether you were cheated or not. It's ok because that is normally the feeling when you doesn't expect that the one you love will cheat on you.

Gather your thoughts and senses. Balance everything and see if she's worth your forgiveness or not.

Be strong you can surpass it.
edwardpresto is offline  
post #73 of 1810 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 08:56 AM
Member
 
aine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Away and beyond in a hot place
Posts: 2,444
Re: I don't know what would be the right title

This is classic. In fact I’ve developed a profile or list of risk factors.
1. Around 40
2. Empty or about to be empty nest
3. New job or went back to school
4. Reconnected with old boyfriend or runs with a younger crowd
5. Married young. Limited or no sexual experience with other men
6. Lost weight. Has a trainer

i fit 5 out of 6 of these but have no intention of cheating. it is normal when your kids grow up that you turn attention to yourself as the H is usually still engrossed in whatever took his time before, i.e. work, golf, hobbies etc. So unless you make all women whose kids have left stay locked up in the house as housewives it is almost certain they will do something such as go back to school, work, lose weight etc as they have time to focus on themselves. I think you should add another factor

7. a husband who has for the most part been neglectful and preoccupied with other matters for most of the marriage (unless when he wants to be fed or have sex)
aine is online now  
post #74 of 1810 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 10:18 AM
Member
 
BetrayedDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,859
Re: I don't know what would be the right title

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hantei View Post
I don't know how much more of that she wants short of being a party girl again.
A wise man once said, "You can't turn a ho into a housewife..."

Some women are very much into settling down into a committed relationship, raising a family and being a mother / wife. Your wife is the other kind of girl. Immature, insecure, needs constant attention and validation of others, wants to be "cool", etc.

These are your pump and dump bimbos. You married a dud my friend. Let me guess, she never wanted kids, insists on living in an urban area, is full of drama with other people, wants to travel constantly, dresses younger than she is, etc.

That was the bad news. The good news is so far I think you are handling this VERY well. You're doing all the right things. You gotta follow through with getting rid of her unfortunately. She's just not marriage material. Period. She will betray you again even if this OM dumps her.

Eventually she will "tire" of her new lifestyle of slooting around. She will "want" her life back. She will never want you though. Just the security you provide. DON'T be plan B. When she comes crawling back have your new hot girlfriend tell her to fvck off.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou

Last edited by BetrayedDad; 02-25-2016 at 02:00 PM.
BetrayedDad is offline  
post #75 of 1810 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 10:20 AM
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,100
Re: I don't know what would be the right title

Quote:
Originally Posted by aine View Post
This is classic. In fact I’ve developed a profile or list of risk factors.
1. Around 40
2. Empty or about to be empty nest
3. New job or went back to school
4. Reconnected with old boyfriend or runs with a younger crowd
5. Married young. Limited or no sexual experience with other men
6. Lost weight. Has a trainer

i fit 5 out of 6 of these but have no intention of cheating. it is normal when your kids grow up that you turn attention to yourself as the H is usually still engrossed in whatever took his time before, i.e. work, golf, hobbies etc. So unless you make all women whose kids have left stay locked up in the house as housewives it is almost certain they will do something such as go back to school, work, lose weight etc as they have time to focus on themselves. I think you should add another factor

7. a husband who has for the most part been neglectful and preoccupied with other matters for most of the marriage (unless when he wants to be fed or have sex)
Your stickers in the post then

'when reaching age 40 or there about's handle with caution

If goods are shaken may explode with messy fallout'
G.J. is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Title tranfer before divorce Gloomy Going Through Divorce or Separation 10 02-02-2016 01:28 AM
Wife has asked me to sign house over to her Andy101 Going Through Divorce or Separation 73 01-18-2016 05:45 PM
Both names on cars, bank accounts, etc? Chris42 Financial Problems in Marriage 26 01-13-2016 08:58 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome