I don't know what would be the right title - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #91 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-28-2016, 05:23 PM
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

She is protecting him and his own family my friend because they made a deal about it. Only one person is hurting right now and that is YOU.

This makes me sad,because she thinks so low about you after you spend years with her.

Maybe this will sound boring to you,but she told you with her actions and lies what she thinks about you and your marriage.

You dont fight for it,she have to. If she was really sorry she would give you all information about him,quit/change her job,talk with MC and beg you for forgivnes.

You really need to Expose this to family and close friends.

Stay strong my friend and take care.

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post #92 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-28-2016, 05:34 PM
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

Also what state and suburb do you reside in?
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post #93 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-28-2016, 05:56 PM
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

Even if she does drop him, she might not want to continue in the marriage, so do keep up the preparations to expel her from your life.

http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk
http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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post #94 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-28-2016, 07:53 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

@Sports Fan, I'm in NSW. Metro, let's keep it at that. Thanks for all the info, brazing up to see the lawyer soon. With the total income I don't think I've been getting any child rebates and haven't been in touch with centrelink since I started working.

@MattMatt it definitely seems to be the case so I'm moving forward with no plan B.



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Even if she does drop him, she might not want to continue in the marriage, so do keep up the preparations to expel her from your life.
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post #95 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-28-2016, 08:39 PM
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

How can i say this nicely.. Nope. There is no nice way.

DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE

In a few weeks/months you will see that this makes sense. It is incredibly painful and if she decides to stay she will make your life uncomfortable. You are going to have to learn to ignore her in that case.
I suspect she will leave if you say that you will not leave.
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post #96 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-28-2016, 10:55 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

The lawyer told me something very similar. Will have to try to keep it civilized and non adversary if I can, I assume she'd want it that way as well so she can start building a "better life". He didn't put as much emphasis on not leaving the house ; however I was not going to anyway - at least for now. I expect her - admittedly this is based on my knowledge of her character which is not fooll proof as I can see now - she won't want to keep seeing him with me around and will move to her parents place. They won't stop her from seeing him I'm certain.

It's odd but I think she suspects I'm up to something. Before that disaster we used to exchange at least 2-3 phone calls and numerous messages per day. After discovery it dropped to almost zero, today she's calling and messaging me for no reason at all. WTF?

Last edited by Hantei; 02-28-2016 at 11:28 PM.
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post #97 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-28-2016, 11:15 PM
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

Good move on not leaving the house. It really will minimise her plans on claiming Centrelink assistance. I think your wife is in panick mode. The frequent phone calls you are now experiencing are for self preservation. She knows your up to something but wants to find out.

Personally now would be a good time to drive down to Office Works and purchase yourself two very good Voice Activated Recorders. Hide one under her car seat strapped with velcro and another in the house in the room you most suspect she will most likely talk on the phone.

The VARS will gather great intel for you on what she is up to and whether or not she is still seeing the other man.

Have you exposed this to other mans wife yet?
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post #98 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-28-2016, 11:17 PM
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

Cheating has consequences. She will or has rewritten your marital history with you as the bad guy.

Full exposure will help with that. If she sincs her phone you can recover her deleted text messages or you can get them out of her phone if you have access. If for some reason she wants to attempt reconciliation at some point you do need the full truth.

Exposure will get you some closure as well. I would make sure his wife knows. He's probably done this many times before. As far as your son he needs the truth.

She's probably taken it underground as most do.

I wish you the best whichever way this goes.

Good luck
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post #99 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-28-2016, 11:22 PM
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

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Originally Posted by Hantei View Post
The lawyer told me something very similar. Will have to try to keep it civilized and non adversary if I can, I assume she'd want it that way as well so she can start building a "better life". I expect her - admittedly this is based on my knowledge of her character which is not full proof as I can see now - she won't want to keep seeing him with me around
I wouldn't give a damn what she wanted. You handle this how you want.

The affair is probably still ongoing. You never thought she'd cheat either did you???
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post #100 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-28-2016, 11:40 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

@Marc, no never thought she would. That's what I refer to by stating my knowledge wsan't fool proof.

@All. No I don't have a contact for his wife/partner yet. I'm not even sure if they're is one ATM, all I have is photos from social media of a women and children. As much as I'd like to, can't move faster than I can. 1st timer you know.

I'm not sure if I ever seen a VAR at Office Works (local office and electronic chain) but I can get them anyway. ATM I'm honestly not sure if I should play a detective as I'm dying to know yet at the same time doubt will I actually gain anything by going down that path. I know she has cheated, isn't this enough?

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post #101 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-28-2016, 11:53 PM
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

Some have advise (especially in the case of video) not to listen at first. Insead have a trusted friend or an IC listen and tell you what was said. Keep the tapes for future reference if necessary.
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post #102 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-29-2016, 01:53 AM
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

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I'm not sure if I ever seen a VAR at Office Works (local office and electronic chain) but I can get them anyway. ATM I'm honestly not sure if I should play a detective as I'm dying to know yet at the same time doubt will I actually gain anything by going down that path. I know she has cheated, isn't this enough?
If you're going to divorce no but if you try and reconcile this and most do you had better know the full truth up front or it'll be a waste of time.

Cheaters always lie.
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post #103 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-29-2016, 02:06 AM
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

OP, you've already have been given the BEST advice you'll ever get. The decisions have NOT been taken from you. If that's how you are thinking then you're toast.

Just DO NOT PLEAD, BEG, TRY AND CONVINCE, NOTHING. Full 180. Expose the hell out of it for sure for whoever the affair guy is.

From your words as I read them, this affair will be the end of the marriage.

File for divorce. It will hurt, but the hurt of staying will be far worse.
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post #104 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-29-2016, 04:59 AM
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

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@Marc, no never thought she would. That's what I refer to by stating my knowledge wsan't fool proof.

@All. No I don't have a contact for his wife/partner yet. I'm not even sure if they're is one ATM, all I have is photos from social media of a women and children. As much as I'd like to, can't move faster than I can. 1st timer you know.

I'm not sure if I ever seen a VAR at Office Works (local office and electronic chain) but I can get them anyway. ATM I'm honestly not sure if I should play a detective as I'm dying to know yet at the same time doubt will I actually gain anything by going down that path. I know she has cheated, isn't this enough?
You will get a lot of advice much fast that you can actually do it. Don't worry, just keep plugging away. Pretty much all of us were first timers.

I would not bother with the VAR. It will just cause you pain for no reason. As you say, there is not much to gain and Australia is a no fault Divorce so no advantage to proving cheating.

It is a good idea to journal though. When she tell you something, write it down that day , date and time.
This is for you because you are in a mess at the moment and this period will get scrambled in your mind. She will do everything to help with that scrambling...
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post #105 of 1809 (permalink) Old 02-29-2016, 06:09 AM
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Re: I don't know what would be the right title

Hantei, who have you told about the affair? Your wife has invented justifications to allow herself to cheat on you. She sees herself as a good woman and since good women don't cheat she's had to completely make up reasons for her actions. Don't buy it for a second. If you want to try to break her out of her fog then expose her affair far and wide. Tell family, tell friends, tell anyone who would see her actions as destructive to your marriage and to herself. At the same time you must show her that you are going to move on with your life, without her if necessary. Start separating finances, print out divorce paraphernalia (anything that shows you are moving toward divorce.) Let her see you actively looking to move on. When the discussion comes up (let her approach you) tell her divorce is not what you want but in the absence of a commitment from her to work on the marriage you have no alternative. Disengage from her as much as you can. Do not give her any attention (positive or negative.) Generally women tend to hate being ignored and left out of the loop. She needs to see you as something she not only doesn't want to lose but as something she WILL lose if she doesn't get her head out of her azz. Most of all understand that she is just a woman, she's not your soulmate, she's not the only woman in the world for you. If she doesn't value you there are literally thousands of others that are just begging for the chance to show you how much they do.

"You will not cry, or whine, or laugh, or giggle, or sneeze or burp or fart!"
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