She said she loves me Ė well, let me just say Iím slightly sceptical now. What Iím saying that Iím not sure how I would have reacted if she was really remorseful and willing to undo the damage, but as this option is clearly not on the table, who am I to stay in the way of ďrealĒ her? Perhaps I donít really know who is she really? So I donít feel like I have a choice now, and honestly not sure if I really need and alternative. I love her Ė Iíll let her go.
I think this one of the hardest things about discovering the person you loved so much could betray you in such a way. This person who you thought you knew like no other...and it turns out that this person doesn't exist. You've got some really great advice here, and as much as it doesn't feel right...I promise you, a year from now you will not regret following the advice, but you will probably regret it if you don't follow the advice.
So here's the thing, and this sucks, that woman you loved? She doesn't exist any more. She is completely gone. And it doesn't really matter when it happened, for you it happened the moment you found out she was having an affair.
This new woman, you don't actually know. I know she looks like the woman you love, and she smells like the woman you love. But she's not the woman you love.
As for why you post here...I don't think I really ever understood how amazingly painful it was to be betrayed like that until it happened to me. And to be honest, very few people in my life understand the level of hurt and anger I felt. Coming here with my grief was a relief, because there were other people who got it. At least here, I wasn't so alone.
You are on a new path, and it is going to suck for a very long time. It won't suck forever, it will just feel like it will.
Hang in there and I am sorry it happened.
(Also don't "let her go." Kick her out!)