While I have divorced my H due to several EA's and one admitted PA (ons), with the possibility of more PA's, I have a question. Sadly we are forced through financial situations to be living in the same house, and while it is hard, sometimes it is even harder. I find he is a constant reminder for all the hurt and lies in our marriage. We have on several occasions talked about his ONS, however, he kept changing details, from I was too drunk to stop, to I was so ashamed I ran out after and drove home. When i point out the idiosyncrasies in his story i.e. too drunk to say no, but sober enough to drive home, he gets angry and frustrated. However, regardless of the details, my question is, would a WS "forget" most of the details of a ONS after three years? Or would it be such a profound event that it would be etched in their memory?
I know it really shouldn't matter to me, but I have never felt he has told me the truth, I guess I'm just looking for someone to validate my belief that he was never honest with me. He makes me think I'm the one not thinking straight...
My WW has had so many they have just become one big plur. That and the amount of drinking she was doing combined with the evils she has tried to block out has effected her recall memeory.
She has put some of them together and discussed the details but for the most part her effort to block out, black out and the large amout in a short time has cause her to be very vage when we discuss her past behaviors/unhealthy life style.
I'm going to generalize and for the most part waywards seem to block out the evil, ughly, humiliating, ambarassing, and shame full reality of a ONS so they can sleep at night.
In my opinion, they dont forget, they dont really. they just have to try to in order to live with themselves. I guarantee you they remember all what happened, all that they did. They say they dont with the faint hope that they someday will not remember.....but they do. Dont buy it.
True, Hoosier, but will we ever get the whole story, even if they do remember every gory detail they will never reviel the evil they did in order to "not hurt us".
IMHO thats just how cheaters are wired.
I think they try to convince them self that there was an excuse for why they did what they did..and by feeding you lies..they are eating them up them self..and trying to convince them self its what really happened. But thats just me.
I can relate to everything you guys are saying. I too think he remembers more, but is very selective in what he wants to recall, either out of self-preservation or some sick form of protecting me.
@RBW I am very sorry you found yourself in such a painful situation with your W. I too am giving up on getting the truth out of him. I guess I just needed some affirmation that I'm giving up on him telling the truth and not just accepting what he says.
I wish my ex had repented, instead he pushed his flirting deeper underground and kept lying about it. I only wish I had found this site a year ago, maybe things could have been different.
I really don't understand how these people can be so duplicit in their lives. My Exh had a friend who kept having affairs on his wife, and he was always telling me how wrong he was for hurting everyone. Meanwhile he is talking to his Exgf of 20+ years on FB and they are talking about how he will leave me when they are 50, although he says it was here doing all the talking and he never encouraged the conversation. Yeah right..
My Ex has issues with SAD in the past and ongoing bouts of depression and a previous suicide attempt. So I guess it is possible that he is blocking it out to deal with he pain. I only wish I could do the same.