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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 10-04-2011, 08:26 PM   #511 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

Put him in the "naughty corner".
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Old 10-05-2011, 07:15 PM   #512 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

Well POSOM was served with the cease and desist. My lawyer also gave a contact of a lawyer whose main area is domestic violence and stalking, he suggested I get an appointment and talk to him. I will do that.

We had our first MC session today and I think it was ok, wife seemed very committed to help me heal and work on our marriage, the MC was also much stronger about all this than the previous MC's we saw that to some extent made excuses to wife's behavior, wife said she no longer feels about POSOM the "same way as before" "doesn't want be with him" but "still has some feelings for him" so yea not what I wanted to hear.

I'm just trying to take one day at the time. Again thanks guys for all your help, you have made a huge difference in helping me deal with all this ****.
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Old 10-05-2011, 08:15 PM   #513 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

Come on, you could have heard her say she loved OM and only wants you for your penis or money. She wants you period and you have a long way to go before your start to hear what you want to hear from her.

She's not telling you what you want to hear, she telling you whats on her mind. That something brother, and it aint worth dismissing. So acknowledge her feelings and show her the reason why she wants you by being the confident man that can beat this sh1t and be the better man that can take his W and make her feel good.

Again, go and show her why she picked you by taking her to that place that she wants to be with you.
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Old 10-05-2011, 09:04 PM   #514 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

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Come on, you could have heard her say she loved OM and only wants you for your penis or money. She wants you period and you have a long way to go before your start to hear what you want to hear from her.

She's not telling you what you want to hear, she telling you whats on her mind. That something brother, and it aint worth dismissing. So acknowledge her feelings and show her the reason why she wants you by being the confident man that can beat this sh1t and be the better man that can take his W and make her feel good.

Again, go and show her why she picked you by taking her to that place that she wants to be with you.
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Old 10-05-2011, 09:39 PM   #515 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

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Come on, you could have heard her say she loved OM and only wants you for your penis or money. She wants you period and you have a long way to go before your start to hear what you want to hear from her.

She's not telling you what you want to hear, she telling you whats on her mind. That something brother, and it aint worth dismissing. So acknowledge her feelings and show her the reason why she wants you by being the confident man that can beat this sh1t and be the better man that can take his W and make her feel good.

Again, go and show her why she picked you by taking her to that place that she wants to be with you.

Thanks man, I need to get myself together and show her I can be that man, your right. I just had a very tough day, been through a roller coaster of emotions lately, need to get a better hold of myself and be here for her. I need to beat this **** and make my marriage better than ever was.
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Old 10-05-2011, 10:37 PM   #516 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

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Thanks man, I need to get myself together and show her I can be that man, your right. I just had a very tough day, been through a roller coaster of emotions lately, need to get a better hold of myself and be here for her. I need to beat this **** and make my marriage better than ever was.
You were tough on her when you needed to be tough. Now is the time to earn all of her love back from the POSOM. You cannot demand love. You must earn it.
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Old 10-06-2011, 06:53 AM   #517 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

CB do know that it appears your wife has passed many tests so far, tougher than what most DSes have to pass. If she wanted him, she would've been long gone by now. I know you want her to just hate him, but it doesn't always happen like a switch. Just be patient and continue to listen, acknowledge and respond without being defensive.
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Old 10-06-2011, 01:00 PM   #518 (permalink)
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Is that fool still hanging outside your house? Wht happened after the cease & desist?
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Old 10-06-2011, 01:04 PM   #519 (permalink)
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Is that fool still hanging outside your house? Wht happened after the cease & desist?
If he is this is what you do. Lay down a couple wheelbarrows full of gravel in the lawn beside his car. Then.....mow over it. Bagger off and discharge facing his way.
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Old 10-06-2011, 01:07 PM   #520 (permalink)
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If he is this is what you do. Lay down a couple wheelbarrows full of gravel in the lawn beside his car. Then.....mow over it. Bagger off and discharge facing his way.

use money and ring to buy new mower
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Old 10-06-2011, 03:21 PM   #521 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

Neither FIL or I have been at my home so I'm not sure if POSOM has been around, he did indeed checked out of the hotel this morning as his reservation stated he would.

I set an appointment with the lawyer my lawyer recommend, also talked with him a little about the case over the phone, he advised me to send another server processor to serve POS at his home address, if he is not there he can be served by proxy through his parents and this way POSOM's parents will also be informed what is going on. For legal reasons the lawyer said is good if he is also served at his official home address so he cannot use this fact in any sort of loophole in case we end up in court.

If POSOM violates the cease and desist the lawyer thinks the next step will be to try to get a RO, what he thinks won't be easy but we have a shot.

I have been thinking in calling a repo company
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Old 10-06-2011, 03:33 PM   #522 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

clairebear once the OM is out of the picture , and he will be , you will find yourself going through different emotional states, you are still to experience the range of them and your wife will be the target.

Forewarn your wife , be ready and take time out for yourself, if you are angry let her know and go for a walk or go to the gym. Give yourself time to clear your mind , let the thoughts pass, if you analyze to much you will not have the answers you are seeking and this will irritate you.

Spend a good 15 to 20 hours a week alone time with your wife. Date her, court her, go to a football match together (if she wishes to) . Do something she enjoys as well, dancing or such like. This is husband and wife time.

For some pointers read the book "his needs her needs" by Harley , its about $11 from Amazon .

Last edited by Eli-Zor; 10-06-2011 at 04:08 PM.
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Old 10-11-2011, 03:02 PM   #523 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

Updates?
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Old 10-11-2011, 03:53 PM   #524 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

Clairbear how ar things going so far?
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Old 10-11-2011, 11:54 PM   #525 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

Thanks Eli-Zor, Entropy and Krismimo for the advice and checking on me.

Last couple of days I been dealing with the anger issue, it comes out of no where and I feel I could just explode at my wife for no apparent reason, I have controlled myself around her so far.

The in laws have been great and we agreed that every month they will take the kids two weekends and during the week at least once . I'm also looking into activities we can do together, my wife did ballet for more than 20 years, she was a professional ballerina and has always asked me to join a couple's dance class with her I been thinking I will surprise her with that. The football is also a great idea, she used to go with my brother in law before we were married but since then I have never took her to any games.

We are both reading "His Needs Her Needs" it has been an eye opener!

As far as the POSOM goes I sent the server processor to serve him at his home address as well, as my lawyer suggested, POS was not there and the cease and the desist was given to his parents. It is not clear to me if he returned home or not. After this my lawyer received a BS call from a lawyer who claims to be their "family lawyer" meaning POSOM's parents are paying for it, who says POSOM wants to make a "deal" basically that POS meets with my wife in my lawyer's office so they can "talk" and after this POS will leave us alone. Lawyer claims that "his client" only wants to speak with his "friend" and that I through brainwashing I'm preventing this and with a "talk" this could all be "solved". The lawyer also claimed a bunch of BS to justify all the insane behavior POS has engaged into and that I'm the one preventing my wife to talk to him, even when she called the police on POS it was my "fault".

Lawyer also wants the ring back that he claims is a "family heirloom" if not they will sue us for it!!! Tomorrow I have an appointment with the new lawyer and will see how we will respond to all this BS!!!!

I will certain not agree to any meeting between POSOM and my wife and as far as the ring goes I don't want give them anything!!!!
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