CB, the craziness is mind-blowing. Hang in there bud.
You made it clear how the wife is upset. But how does she feel about this "love of my life" nonsense ? Does she consider that feeling to be real, or is completely gone? Posted via Mobile Device
CB, the craziness is mind-blowing. Hang in there bud.
You made it clear how the wife is upset. But how does she feel about this "love of my life" nonsense ? Does she consider that feeling to be real, or is completely gone? Posted via Mobile Device
At some point the MC pointed out that was wife who broke off her relationship with Mr. Wonderful while they were dating and that no matter how she feels about those years of dating, what was going on between them on the EA was a "fantasy", wife's reply was "I don't know what I was thinking". MC also pointed out that this "forever love" crap people in affairs are so willing to risk everything for is not real.
I agree that it sounds like you have a very good counselor.
Stick with the apppointments. I am troubled to read that you already missed a couple of them that your W set up. Why? Was it because of work? Because you not taking any time off of work, not taking your W out to dinner in years, etc, was part of the problem in your marriage. Don't let that slip back or you might have to go through all of this yet again.
I agree that it sounds like you have a very good counselor.
Stick with the apppointments. I am troubled to read that you already missed a couple of them that your W set up. Why? Was it because of work? Because you not taking any time off of work, not taking your W out to dinner in years, etc, was part of the problem in your marriage. Don't let that slip back or you might have to go through all of this yet again.
I took the time off of work and still have 12 days left. The excuses to not go to the two IC appointments were lame excuses based on the fact I was not feeling that well. I set a new appointment to next tuesday and will stick with it. I have always had issues in the past with the IC, I think I have a hard time facing my part of the blame for all this ****, I also have a hard time talking about myself, I'm not an emotional person and have trouble talking about feelings and emotions, I'm also not an affectionate person at all and this has been part of the problem that I'm sure played a roll in this crap.
Man I should be a councelor! I was dead on thanks for listening clairebear like I said before it is ahrd but you have to seperate the two incidents between her actions and what he is doing. Don;t let her wife alone too much what she needs from you also is reassurence that your fighting for the marriage as well. You two when you ready need to talk things out how you feel and where you stand and work on this together.
I also have a hard time talking about myself, I'm not an emotional person and have trouble talking about feelings and emotions, I'm also not an affectionate person at all and this has been part of the problem that I'm sure played a roll in this crap.
I have no doubt if you were not affectionate/emotional toward her, that prob emphasized those traits in the OM if he was affectionate/emotional toward her. I speak from experience.
He is crazy. I wouldn't compare him to a kid. I would compare him to The One Who Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
Not working with a full deck at all. It's scary to think CB's wife invited someone like that into their lives. He is not mentally sound and kinda reminds me of that psycho guy who followed the family on their vacation in "Cape Fear."
Krismimo, It has been really hard, I know I have been focusing to much on the POSOM and his actions, probably more than I have in trying to heal my marriage. MC advised me that unless POSOM does violate the cease and desist (and then I immediately seek a RO) I should try not to focus on getting back a him (through the whole ring thing) that I should put all my time and effort on myself, wife and working in our marriage. The in laws will have the kids until monday morning and I hope to have a nice weekend with the wife, the MC called it "try to be good to each other" I will try to do just that. Some of you here and my brother in law still in the dating scene gave me some great ideas for dates, I will take wife out over the weekend and do something fun. I want her to know I do love her very much and want to work this out, I want to make the marriage better than ever was, I hope I will find the right way to express it.
JB and Gabriel you are right. MC asked many questions to wife about the time she and POSOM were dating and about his personality in general. He was extremely affectionate, very emotional kind of guy, likes to cuddle, hold hands, sleep hugged to each other etc etc, my wife is the same way and I always had a trouble with it, for most part I found it annoying and would just blow her off, for years there were no physical touch unless we were having sex, I recognize now this is/was a big problem. This last few weeks I have been more understanding about her need for touch but is hard it's not something I feel comfortable with or that I even know how to react to. Wife has also mention how we been making love instead of just have sex. It's a serious problem that I hope I will be able to make better.
You know, the more you talk about your relationship with your wife, the more it sounds to me like you went out and found a mother for your kids. It doesn't sound like you and she have any connection at all other than you support her and she raises your kids and keeps your house. You've said how great she is with your kids and how much she loves them, she's great with money and keeps the house nice....but I don't think you've ever said anything like she's beautiful or amazing and special or any of those things you'd say about someone you're in love with.
Your reactions seem a lot more like you're mad that someone would try to take what's yours than you might lose someone important to you. And if I felt like someone felt that way about me, I'd cry for any past romance too.
Hopefully your wife doesn't feel the way I see it. But if she does--you've got to seriously work on you and her instead of just going through the motions or this pattern is going to just keep going and going.....
You know, the more you talk about your relationship with your wife, the more it sounds to me like you went out and found a mother for your kids. It doesn't sound like you and she have any connection at all other than you support her and she raises your kids and keeps your house. You've said how great she is with your kids and how much she loves them, she's great with money and keeps the house nice....but I don't think you've ever said anything like she's beautiful or amazing and special or any of those things you'd say about someone you're in love with.
Your reactions seem a lot more like you're mad that someone would try to take what's yours than you might lose someone important to you. And if I felt like someone felt that way about me, I'd cry for any past romance too.
Hopefully your wife doesn't feel the way I see it. But if she does--you've got to seriously work on you and her instead of just going through the motions or this pattern is going to just keep going and going.....
Well I just mentioned a few of her qualities, she is indeed very beautiful, although she is on her mid 30's she looks years younger, she is an amazing pianist, a talented ballet dancer, danced for more than 20 years, cooks every single recipe from scratch, is very compassionate, caring and sensitive and the list goes on...have I always been able to tell her this or expressed it? Probably not. I'm not perfect and I'm working on it!
Yes, of course I'm mad! There's a POS trying to destroy my family so yes I'm pissed of beyond words, I think it's a very normal reaction!
I hope she doesn't because I love her more than anything and do want to make this work, I do have my own issues maybe from the disaster than was my first marriage I don't know, I'm just committed to make it better and do the best I can.
Ok guys just looking for some quick advice here, I just talked with BIL who told me he just saw POSOM downtown meaning he is still here. My question is should I call the police and report it? Can I do this? I mean can the police do something?
It is not illegal for him to be in your town. Do you have an RO? Did not see that posted. Even with one it has proximity defined.
I think calling the police under these circumstances is pre-mature and makes you look like the aggressor.
Not sure how far downtown is from you. I am also assuming your wife is home with you.
I know you probably right, I'm just wondering if there's something I can do, just the fact he is still in town I wonder if is enough to say that he violated the cease and desist and use that to seek the emergency RO.
It's about 30/35 minutes. Yes wife is home with me.
1Likes
Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF 
