He was extremely affectionate, very emotional kind of guy, likes to cuddle, hold hands, sleep hugged to each other etc etc, my wife is the same way and I always had a trouble with it, for most part I found it annoying and would just blow her off, for years there were no physical touch unless we were having sex, I recognize now this is/was a big problem.
In the midst of this craziness, your marital problems still exist. With reflection, you can see how some of your behaviors have led to a rocky relationship between the two of you - realistic needs that were being ignored.
Not an excuse for cheating - which she seems to grasp now, and hopefully to your benefit. Once things settle (hopefully soon!) yo have the opportunity to work on things.
My sister recently was told by her H he wanted a divorce - months of arguing and bitterness have culminated in it. The biggest problem: she improved herself, while he did not. She wanted him to change, tried to make him change, but failed. Because HE didn't want to try.
You have made a huge first step by recognizing where you didn't meet her needs (shi**y way to be reminded of it, though). you already stated you want to improve yourself to be a better husband -I hope you continue to build on that. In the meantime, hang in there with this craziness.
And please, unless this guy assaults you or breaks into your home, do not get violent! Its easy to say through a keyboard, but we all know its a different feeling when this guy is present..Stay strong CB!