Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF - Page 43 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #631 of 849 (permalink) Old 10-15-2011, 12:30 AM
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Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

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Ok guys just looking for some quick advice here, I just talked with BIL who told me he just saw POSOM downtown meaning he is still here. My question is should I call the police and report it? Can I do this? I mean can the police do something?
You already went thru this with your lawyer, did you not? You have no active RO/PO against him.
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post #632 of 849 (permalink) Old 10-15-2011, 12:32 AM
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Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

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I know you probably right, I'm just wondering if there's something I can do, just the fact he is still in town I wonder if is enough to say that he violated the cease and desist and use that to seek the emergency RO.

It's about 30/35 minutes. Yes wife is home with me.
Even an RO is only going to talk about contacting you. So I doubt you can do anyhting about this, but since I am not a lawyer I will monitor other posts.

My assumption is that he has moved to your town and will be there for a long while, even if an RO is granted.

This may seem overkill but you could install some small cameras around your home so that if you hear anything weird in the night you can check a monitor and see if he is outside. I know that seems creepy, but if it helps you relax then good. Plus if you record the activities then maybe you can use that as evidence that he is stalking. If you do not have a security system in your home you really should get one. That is a good idea for most families anyway. Some of those can include the camera stuff.
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post #633 of 849 (permalink) Old 10-15-2011, 12:36 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

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You already went thru this with your lawyer, did you not? You have no active RO/PO against him.
You right I did. I just wonder if I somehow could use this as a violation of the cease and desist to apply to a RO. I know the fact he is on my town is not illegal I'm just to frustrated at this point and wish I could do something to get rid of this human trash.
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post #634 of 849 (permalink) Old 10-15-2011, 12:41 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

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Even an RO is only going to talk about contacting you. So I doubt you can do anyhting about this, but since I am not a lawyer I will monitor other posts.

My assumption is that he has moved to your town and will be there for a long while, even if an RO is granted.

This may seem overkill but you could install some small cameras around your home so that if you hear anything weird in the night you can check a monitor and see if he is outside. I know that seems creepy, but if it helps you relax then good. Plus if you record the activities then maybe you can use that as evidence that he is stalking. If you do not have a security system in your home you really should get one. That is a good idea for most families anyway. Some of those can include the camera stuff.

I just not sure how he will live here with no job plus as far as I know he has always lived his parents basement is hard to me believe or I'm just in denial that he will leave the basement and move out whether here or anywhere else.

We do have a very good security system with camera.
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post #635 of 849 (permalink) Old 10-15-2011, 12:49 AM
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Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

If he is driven he will find a way. He may explode and go nuts trying to do it, but if he is determined he may find a job, a room mate and get a cheap apartment. If this is a stretch then time is on your side.
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post #636 of 849 (permalink) Old 10-15-2011, 12:56 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

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If he is driven he will find a way. He may explode and go nuts trying to do it, but if he is determined he may find a job, a room mate and get a cheap apartment. If this is a stretch then time is on your side.
I feel more and more tempted to solve this my way...
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post #637 of 849 (permalink) Old 10-15-2011, 12:58 AM
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Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

IF you have the means to do so, you can hire a PI again for a couple of days to find out where he's staying, tail him for a couple of days and try to find out his intentions.
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post #638 of 849 (permalink) Old 10-15-2011, 01:00 AM
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Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

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IF you have the means to do so, you can hire a PI again for a couple of days to find out where he's staying, tail him for a couple of days and try to find out his intentions.
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post #639 of 849 (permalink) Old 10-15-2011, 01:06 AM
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Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

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I feel more and more tempted to solve this my way...
I suggest you hang in there and let him make the move. At some point he will get desparate and make a mistake.

If that mistake is him breaking into your home then deal with that.

If it is him coming up to you and your wife while you are out then you are on pretty safe ground to defend yourself and your loved ones.

Anything else I would not advise at this point. If he was a typical predator male then sure go confront him. But this guy is crazy.
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post #640 of 849 (permalink) Old 10-15-2011, 01:11 AM
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Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

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I feel more and more tempted to solve this my way...
Careful with those thoughts for they may lead to actions which you may later regret. POSOM and his cohorts are not worth you losing your wife and family. Don't let your ego get the best of you.

Trust is like a knife. It can be used to protect you or kill you.

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post #641 of 849 (permalink) Old 10-15-2011, 02:20 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

Thank you guys, I really appreciate your help and advice, I'm not thinking to clear, I need to control this urge to do something stupid, I just feel so frustrated and consumed by anger.

I will follow your advice and hire the PI for a few days to try to find out what POS is doing/where is he staying/his intentions...

I will keep my guard up, I not sure if I should tell wife about this or not, her emotional state has not been the best and I'm afraid if she knows this she will freak out and just not let me leave the house at all, as it is she already calls me every 15 minutes if I'm not here just to check on me.
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post #642 of 849 (permalink) Old 10-15-2011, 06:30 AM
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Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

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He was extremely affectionate, very emotional kind of guy, likes to cuddle, hold hands, sleep hugged to each other etc etc, my wife is the same way and I always had a trouble with it, for most part I found it annoying and would just blow her off, for years there were no physical touch unless we were having sex, I recognize now this is/was a big problem.
In the midst of this craziness, your marital problems still exist. With reflection, you can see how some of your behaviors have led to a rocky relationship between the two of you - realistic needs that were being ignored.

Not an excuse for cheating - which she seems to grasp now, and hopefully to your benefit. Once things settle (hopefully soon!) yo have the opportunity to work on things.

My sister recently was told by her H he wanted a divorce - months of arguing and bitterness have culminated in it. The biggest problem: she improved herself, while he did not. She wanted him to change, tried to make him change, but failed. Because HE didn't want to try.

You have made a huge first step by recognizing where you didn't meet her needs (shi**y way to be reminded of it, though). you already stated you want to improve yourself to be a better husband -I hope you continue to build on that. In the meantime, hang in there with this craziness.

And please, unless this guy assaults you or breaks into your home, do not get violent! Its easy to say through a keyboard, but we all know its a different feeling when this guy is present..Stay strong CB!
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post #643 of 849 (permalink) Old 10-15-2011, 07:13 AM
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Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

Have you two been reading the "Love Busters" book? If so, do you think it has helped?

Any body else?

Last edited by Chaparral; 10-15-2011 at 07:18 AM.
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post #644 of 849 (permalink) Old 10-15-2011, 07:39 AM
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Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

PLEASE tell your wife he's still in town. First, you should both be coming from a place of complete honesty to build communication and repair your marriage. More importantly, your wife has expressed fear that OM may try to do something rash to get her attention. She needs to be on high alert to protect herself and her children. If something happened and she found out you knew OM was around, she may feel like you failed to protect her.
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post #645 of 849 (permalink) Old 10-15-2011, 08:39 AM
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Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

The POSOM might say to you or her, (IF I CAN NOT HAVE HER, NO ONE WILL). My friend who is female, said that her old nuts in the head boyfriend, said that above. She was not thinking that he was dangerous. She was wrong, he had mental problems, that him and his parents were hiding. She almost got hurt, in this scary mess. He was bipolar too. Watch out for the signs of that.
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