Shaggy, one of the things that came up on MC today was that POSOM behavior is so over the top sick and toxic that even if wife was single he would not be dating material, that due to his mental state he is not dating material to anyone, wife strongly agreed with this and that although she still believes he would "not hurt her" she is very scared of him and does not want him any near us or the kids.
Morituri, one of the things wife said today is that POSOM is no longer the same person she was in love with and that she has kept in her memory all this years, the fact he has not been able to respect a decision to commit to the marriage but even more shocking to her was the fact he was "willing to cut off a mother from her children's lives" "what kind of person would do that" MC also made sure wife understands that his mental state is not her responsibility, is not her job to fix him or help him, in the past wife made sure POSOM would go to doctors, take his medications and help him with his bipolar, MC let very clear that this cannot happen ever again.
Morituri, thank you for sharing your experience and encouraging words. I regret I did not seek therapy right away after my divorce, was a huge mistake but back then I was young and I just wanted to move on but I guess I never really did, I was a mess for a few months and should have seek therapy instead I just built this wall around me and all this years later everything came back to haunt me. I will not delay the work I need to do on myself anymore, I'm committed to IC and will do whatever it takes to become the loving and caring lover my wife and I deserve me to be. I wish you all the best on your relationship I'm sure you will have the loving and fulfilling marriage you so much deserve, and at 53 you are not old at all
There's a huge difference between forbidding conversation between two adults and screening where your kids hang out. Granted I've never thought much about where kids play, but I also feel that my husband and are both reasonably intelligent enough not to sway to any influential breeze that goes by. While I think it's horrifying that the 50+ year old guy bought himself a 20 year old mail-order bride from Russia, I do manage to say hello over the trash cans without worrying that I'm going to decide to suddenly sell myself off to a foreigner or that my husband will come home with some barely legal "nanny" for the cat. But what do I know? Maybe they fell madly in love at a friend's party and the age and language barriers are just a coincidence. I don't know, so in absence of any conviction, I stay civil. Would I let a kid play at the house of a guy that old who married someone that young? Maybe not, but the relationship between the two adults isn't mine to judge. Posted via Mobile Device
COGypsy, I know I need to give more credit to my wife and her ability to make her own decisions, after all she did not got into this affair because someone told her to, as far as the kids go as my wife pointed out to me tonight if it comes up and is true that there is reasons for us to be concern there's other places where they can meet up to play. MC pointed out that people who make very bad choices are everywhere and although is ok I'm very concern and worried that this woman may be a bad influence on my wife taking into account our current situation we all ultimately have free will to make our own choices. I'm trying to feel less paranoid about it but of course it worries because of what I'm going through but again at the end of the day I need to trust my wife as the intelligent woman that she is and that she will do the right thing. Wife suggested that if our neighbor would mention something to her (what she probably won't they not close) but that if she does wife would try to advice her to "leave the affair and seek help for her family"
I can see your worry about the future, but POSOM has really done his very best to drive your wife away. This guy has been super beta, super freaky, super creepy.
ITA. If your wife is still into him after all the psychotic things he has done, then I'd be she is isn't emotionally stable or mentally well. No woman with a decent head on her shoulders would be attracted to that kind of crazy. He sounds very very nuts.
I was watching Dr. Drew (Lifechangers) this week (well, the adverts for it) and there was a woman on there with a similar story. She was having an affair with her childhood sweetheart and blah blah blah. The husband confronted them both and at the end it said "what will they do now?" The question wasn't answered but it reminded me so much of this situation.
ITA. If your wife is still into him after all the psychotic things he has done, then I'd be she is isn't emotionally stable or mentally well. No woman with a decent head on her shoulders would be attracted to that kind of crazy. He sounds very very nuts.
I was watching Dr. Drew (Lifechangers) this week (well, the adverts for it) and there was a woman on there with a similar story. She was having an affair with her childhood sweetheart and blah blah blah. The husband confronted them both and at the end it said "what will they do now?" The question wasn't answered but it reminded me so much of this situation.
I know well enough not to doubt the wisdom of your comments young lady, but I don't think that is the case with CB's wife. Just like you and your OM, she had a crush on a childhood boyfriend but she has now come to see that he is not the man she envisioned from long ago. Still your words ring true;
Your MC knows that you have every right to be upset/paranoid, don't they?
I mean, don't be a **** about it, but given the circumstances that YOUR WIFE IS DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR, I think you've every right in the world to be hurt, paranoid and upset. Your wife was into some psycho- and you have NO CLUE as to why... I think it's not unreasonable at all to want other potentially bad influences out of your life.
I'm sorry but I just feel kind of upset when a MC comes down on the aggrieved party. You've a right to your feelings.
Your MC knows that you have every right to be upset/paranoid, don't they?
I mean, don't be a **** about it, but given the circumstances that YOUR WIFE IS DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR, I think you've every right in the world to be hurt, paranoid and upset. Your wife was into some psycho- and you have NO CLUE as to why... I think it's not unreasonable at all to want other potentially bad influences out of your life.
I'm sorry but I just feel kind of upset when a MC comes down on the aggrieved party. You've a right to your feelings.
I didn't get that impression from CB's comment about MC but that doesn't invalidate your comment either. Nevertheless, there were marital issues that MAY have contributed to CB's wife falling prey to the sweet words of a sociopath. NOT an excuse for her EA but mind you a fact nonetheless.
Your MC knows that you have every right to be upset/paranoid, don't they?
I mean, don't be a **** about it, but given the circumstances that YOUR WIFE IS DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR, I think you've every right in the world to be hurt, paranoid and upset. Your wife was into some psycho- and you have NO CLUE as to why... I think it's not unreasonable at all to want other potentially bad influences out of your life.
I'm sorry but I just feel kind of upset when a MC comes down on the aggrieved party. You've a right to your feelings.
MC has all been about how wife owns the affair and it's her responsibility alone what happened, that she is an adult and she can/will make her own decisions independent of others life experiences or not. That if for some reason she would restart the EA it would be about her and not my neighbor or someone else. I think I was told off more in the sense of my own peace of mind so I don't go crazy every time she talks to someone. For example as far as checking goes, phone, emails, etc, etc, MC was very strong that I do have the right to check as much as I want for as long as I want but without being a jerk.
No, the MC said that "if she would restart the EA would be her responsibility and not over a bad influence"
And that is the right message. As part of your wife's boundaries she should avoid toxic friends / acquaintences.
In my opinion she should just keep this other person at an appropriate distance without befriending her per se. We have to deal with all sorts of people in life. I would suggest she not discuss marriage rrelated issue with that person. This only makes sense. This should be a very low key thing. Matter of fact. The reason it is a hot topic is because of all of the circumstances.
And that is the right message. As part of your wife's boundaries she should avoid toxic friends / acquaintences.
In my opinion she should just keep this other person at an appropriate distance without befriending her per se. We have to deal with all sorts of people in life. I would suggest she not discuss marriage rrelated issue with that person. This only makes sense. This should be a very low key thing. Matter of fact. The reason it is a hot topic is because of all of the circumstances.
MC brought that point, that there's no circumstances why my wife special being such a private person would discuss this issue or any marriage issues with this person or anyone in general. My wife is also extremely ashamed and guilty about it so don't imagine she would.
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Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF 
