Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF - Page 51
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

Like Tree1Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 10-21-2011, 02:27 AM   #751 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 229
Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

Shaggy, one of the things that came up on MC today was that POSOM behavior is so over the top sick and toxic that even if wife was single he would not be dating material, that due to his mental state he is not dating material to anyone, wife strongly agreed with this and that although she still believes he would "not hurt her" she is very scared of him and does not want him any near us or the kids.

Morituri, one of the things wife said today is that POSOM is no longer the same person she was in love with and that she has kept in her memory all this years, the fact he has not been able to respect a decision to commit to the marriage but even more shocking to her was the fact he was "willing to cut off a mother from her children's lives" "what kind of person would do that" MC also made sure wife understands that his mental state is not her responsibility, is not her job to fix him or help him, in the past wife made sure POSOM would go to doctors, take his medications and help him with his bipolar, MC let very clear that this cannot happen ever again.

Morituri, thank you for sharing your experience and encouraging words. I regret I did not seek therapy right away after my divorce, was a huge mistake but back then I was young and I just wanted to move on but I guess I never really did, I was a mess for a few months and should have seek therapy instead I just built this wall around me and all this years later everything came back to haunt me. I will not delay the work I need to do on myself anymore, I'm committed to IC and will do whatever it takes to become the loving and caring lover my wife and I deserve me to be. I wish you all the best on your relationship I'm sure you will have the loving and fulfilling marriage you so much deserve, and at 53 you are not old at all
clairebear is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 10-21-2011, 02:43 AM   #752 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 229
Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

Quote:
Originally Posted by COGypsy View Post
There's a huge difference between forbidding conversation between two adults and screening where your kids hang out. Granted I've never thought much about where kids play, but I also feel that my husband and are both reasonably intelligent enough not to sway to any influential breeze that goes by. While I think it's horrifying that the 50+ year old guy bought himself a 20 year old mail-order bride from Russia, I do manage to say hello over the trash cans without worrying that I'm going to decide to suddenly sell myself off to a foreigner or that my husband will come home with some barely legal "nanny" for the cat. But what do I know? Maybe they fell madly in love at a friend's party and the age and language barriers are just a coincidence. I don't know, so in absence of any conviction, I stay civil. Would I let a kid play at the house of a guy that old who married someone that young? Maybe not, but the relationship between the two adults isn't mine to judge.
Posted via Mobile Device


COGypsy, I know I need to give more credit to my wife and her ability to make her own decisions, after all she did not got into this affair because someone told her to, as far as the kids go as my wife pointed out to me tonight if it comes up and is true that there is reasons for us to be concern there's other places where they can meet up to play. MC pointed out that people who make very bad choices are everywhere and although is ok I'm very concern and worried that this woman may be a bad influence on my wife taking into account our current situation we all ultimately have free will to make our own choices. I'm trying to feel less paranoid about it but of course it worries because of what I'm going through but again at the end of the day I need to trust my wife as the intelligent woman that she is and that she will do the right thing. Wife suggested that if our neighbor would mention something to her (what she probably won't they not close) but that if she does wife would try to advice her to "leave the affair and seek help for her family"
clairebear is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-21-2011, 08:42 AM   #753 (permalink)
Member
 
Jellybeans's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 19,837
Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaggy View Post
I can see your worry about the future, but POSOM has really done his very best to drive your wife away. This guy has been super beta, super freaky, super creepy.

ITA. If your wife is still into him after all the psychotic things he has done, then I'd be she is isn't emotionally stable or mentally well. No woman with a decent head on her shoulders would be attracted to that kind of crazy. He sounds very very nuts.

I was watching Dr. Drew (Lifechangers) this week (well, the adverts for it) and there was a woman on there with a similar story. She was having an affair with her childhood sweetheart and blah blah blah. The husband confronted them both and at the end it said "what will they do now?" The question wasn't answered but it reminded me so much of this situation.
__________________
Exposure Letter

Letter to OM/OW
Jellybeans is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-21-2011, 10:24 AM   #754 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: So Cal
Posts: 4,363
Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jellybeans View Post
ITA. If your wife is still into him after all the psychotic things he has done, then I'd be she is isn't emotionally stable or mentally well. No woman with a decent head on her shoulders would be attracted to that kind of crazy. He sounds very very nuts.

I was watching Dr. Drew (Lifechangers) this week (well, the adverts for it) and there was a woman on there with a similar story. She was having an affair with her childhood sweetheart and blah blah blah. The husband confronted them both and at the end it said "what will they do now?" The question wasn't answered but it reminded me so much of this situation.
I know well enough not to doubt the wisdom of your comments young lady, but I don't think that is the case with CB's wife. Just like you and your OM, she had a crush on a childhood boyfriend but she has now come to see that he is not the man she envisioned from long ago. Still your words ring true;
__________________
"Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal." Robert A. Heinlein

Links
morituri is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-21-2011, 10:58 AM   #755 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 575
Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

Hmmmm.

Your MC knows that you have every right to be upset/paranoid, don't they?

I mean, don't be a **** about it, but given the circumstances that YOUR WIFE IS DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR, I think you've every right in the world to be hurt, paranoid and upset. Your wife was into some psycho- and you have NO CLUE as to why... I think it's not unreasonable at all to want other potentially bad influences out of your life.

I'm sorry but I just feel kind of upset when a MC comes down on the aggrieved party. You've a right to your feelings.
Unsure in Seattle is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-21-2011, 11:15 AM   #756 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: So Cal
Posts: 4,363
Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unsure in Seattle View Post
Hmmmm.

Your MC knows that you have every right to be upset/paranoid, don't they?

I mean, don't be a **** about it, but given the circumstances that YOUR WIFE IS DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR, I think you've every right in the world to be hurt, paranoid and upset. Your wife was into some psycho- and you have NO CLUE as to why... I think it's not unreasonable at all to want other potentially bad influences out of your life.

I'm sorry but I just feel kind of upset when a MC comes down on the aggrieved party. You've a right to your feelings.
I didn't get that impression from CB's comment about MC but that doesn't invalidate your comment either. Nevertheless, there were marital issues that MAY have contributed to CB's wife falling prey to the sweet words of a sociopath. NOT an excuse for her EA but mind you a fact nonetheless.
__________________
"Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal." Robert A. Heinlein

Links
morituri is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-21-2011, 11:16 AM   #757 (permalink)
TRy
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,766
Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unsure in Seattle View Post
Hmmmm.

Your MC knows that you have every right to be upset/paranoid, don't they?

I mean, don't be a **** about it, but given the circumstances that YOUR WIFE IS DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR, I think you've every right in the world to be hurt, paranoid and upset. Your wife was into some psycho- and you have NO CLUE as to why... I think it's not unreasonable at all to want other potentially bad influences out of your life.

I'm sorry but I just feel kind of upset when a MC comes down on the aggrieved party. You've a right to your feelings.
I so agree. I think the MC was wrong.
TRy is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-21-2011, 11:20 AM   #758 (permalink)
Member
 
Jellybeans's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 19,837
Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

Quote:
Originally Posted by morituri View Post
I don't think that is the case with CB's wife.
You don't think what is the case?
__________________
Exposure Letter

Letter to OM/OW
Jellybeans is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-21-2011, 11:26 AM   #759 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 229
Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

MC has all been about how wife owns the affair and it's her responsibility alone what happened, that she is an adult and she can/will make her own decisions independent of others life experiences or not. That if for some reason she would restart the EA it would be about her and not my neighbor or someone else. I think I was told off more in the sense of my own peace of mind so I don't go crazy every time she talks to someone. For example as far as checking goes, phone, emails, etc, etc, MC was very strong that I do have the right to check as much as I want for as long as I want but without being a jerk.
clairebear is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-21-2011, 11:30 AM   #760 (permalink)
Member
 
Jellybeans's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 19,837
Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

Quote:
Originally Posted by clairebear View Post
That if for some reason she would restart the EA it would be about her and not my neighbor or someone else.
Wait. Did your wife say "If I restart my EA it will be because xyz?"
__________________
Exposure Letter

Letter to OM/OW
Jellybeans is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-21-2011, 11:32 AM   #761 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 229
Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jellybeans View Post
Wait. Did your wife say "If I restart my EA it will be because xyz?"
No, the MC said that "if she would restart the EA would be her responsibility and not over a bad influence"
clairebear is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-21-2011, 11:33 AM   #762 (permalink)
Member
 
Jellybeans's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 19,837
Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

Oh I see. Cause I was gonna say.......
Jellybeans is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-21-2011, 11:39 AM   #763 (permalink)
Member
 
Entropy3000's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: In Love
Posts: 9,810
Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

Quote:
Originally Posted by clairebear View Post
No, the MC said that "if she would restart the EA would be her responsibility and not over a bad influence"
And that is the right message. As part of your wife's boundaries she should avoid toxic friends / acquaintences.

In my opinion she should just keep this other person at an appropriate distance without befriending her per se. We have to deal with all sorts of people in life. I would suggest she not discuss marriage rrelated issue with that person. This only makes sense. This should be a very low key thing. Matter of fact. The reason it is a hot topic is because of all of the circumstances.
Entropy3000 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-21-2011, 11:42 AM   #764 (permalink)
Member
 
Jellybeans's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 19,837
Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

What's up with the neighbor? I missed that part of the story. Is the neighbor bad news? And why?
Jellybeans is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-21-2011, 11:45 AM   #765 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 229
Default Re: Wife, wants the love of her life....WTF

Quote:
Originally Posted by Entropy3000 View Post
And that is the right message. As part of your wife's boundaries she should avoid toxic friends / acquaintences.

In my opinion she should just keep this other person at an appropriate distance without befriending her per se. We have to deal with all sorts of people in life. I would suggest she not discuss marriage rrelated issue with that person. This only makes sense. This should be a very low key thing. Matter of fact. The reason it is a hot topic is because of all of the circumstances.

MC brought that point, that there's no circumstances why my wife special being such a private person would discuss this issue or any marriage issues with this person or anyone in general. My wife is also extremely ashamed and guilty about it so don't imagine she would.
clairebear is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Wife's past sex life vs. current sex life expressjones Sex in Marriage 58 06-01-2013 11:08 AM
Fantasizing about a new love and a new life. Cee Paul The Men's Clubhouse 15 07-30-2012 10:36 AM
I don't want 2 leave the LOVE of my life... BUT shorty123 General Relationship Discussion 3 06-23-2011 09:54 PM
the love of my life may be no more.... done Considering Divorce or Separation 1 01-31-2010 06:06 PM
The love of his life Montgomery The Ladies' Lounge 5 06-23-2007 01:02 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:31 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.