Just being in a relationship with someone who hasn't abused YOU is better in my opinion. Actually being alone and not being with someone who has abused you is better, again in my opinion. I never believed I had to be in a relationship to have a fulfilling life, and for a long time I wasn't. Now that I am married is my life more fulfilling? absolutely, however if my wife cheated on me it would no longer be.
Plus read around on these boards, the people who move on are almost always happier then the people who stayed. At least the BS who stayed. The people who stay suffer for the rest of their lives to some extent. Even if they do finally get over it, it takes years and years. They almost all say they don't trust their SO's anymore, and for logical reason. These could be years spent on building a new relationship with someone that could be trusted.
The people who move on mostly find other loves and there WS is a distant memory that has very little power over them anymore. You meet someone new in a few years and all the power your WS had over you is gone forever, even if the new person doesn't work out. I know because I lived it. I think for most finding new love makes the power that your ex's infidelity had in your life go away. Then after experience this you are a much stronger person for it.
Anyway I have never been a "the devil you know" kind of guy. Maybe there is an Angel around the corner just waiting for you, and you are holding on to this crappy devil.
Being with a person who abused you is different from being betrayed. Just my opinion. Being alone is up to the individual, I have several friends who have never married nor wanted any part of marriage. To each their own. If your wife does cheat on you, you are correct that even if you reconcile the marriage will be different. But if you choose reconciliation, why would you want the old marriage back? There are things from your old marriage that you do want, but you need to grow as a person to cultivate those things to be better then before. If we use communication as an example, you have to change to communicate in a better way, be more specific and not withhold your true feelings. If you had playful banter in your old marriage, you may want that to remain in the new marriage. Both spouses have to come to an agreement to communicate no matter if pleasurable, difficult, or even if you feel the other may get hurt, communication is key along with the tone of what is said.
I have read mostly the private and coping with infidelity sections. These two sections pertain to me what I need from TAM. Some admittedly have said they could never reconcile, some say they chose reconciliation, and some divorce for reasons combined from both. Infidelity is a beast, along with divorce and reconciliation. None of it is easy, and if it is, rug sweeping comes to mind. So in essence reconciliation does take years, as does healing, as does we all heal at our own pace. It takes time to rebuild trust in your spouse, it takes time to be vulnerable to your spouse. Trust most likely will never be what it was for me, but then again I blindly trusted my wife which was wrong of me to do. You could possibly try to have a new relationship with someone new, but they may also commit adultery, you never know.
Power of a wayward spouse is actually given by the betrayed spouse. My wife has no power over me, I chose to allow her to have power. This is something I've learned a great deal about in individual therapy. I give the power to bs depressed during the months of my wife's affair. It's not her placing power over me to be depressed, I gave it that power by choice. Because of individual therapy I just had the best holiday season I've had in a long time, and it's because I chose that my wife's affair timing would not keep me down.
An angel may be waiting around the corner or me, or the devil could be waiting, but honestly I think I'm with my angel now. I can't say I would be better off divorced, I didn't choose that route to really know, I can say that because I've grown and my wife has grown we are better as a couple. We have both worked very hard to get to this point, and little by little we take strides to recover fully.