Myth: "They Come Crawling Back" - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
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post #121 of 585 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 01:45 PM
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Re: Myth: "They Come Crawling Back"

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Originally Posted by VeryHurt View Post
I experienced 4 episodes of "reconciliation" over the past 7 years and they each proved to me a farce. Once he was smitten by a new younger adventurous, he never completely return to be the person I knew before he cheated.

Looking back, the false hope and phony attempts at reconciliation were his way to stall the process because he preferred to keep us both instead of sharing his assets with me.

After the fact, I discovered he kept in contact with the OW while he was back home with me supposedly "working on our marriage."

My hope was built up and then knocked down time and time again and that is the main source of my anger and lack of respect for him. If he didn't want me anymore, he should have stayed away.

Money and making sure he did not lose the OW proved to be more important to him than saving our 30 year marriage.

I once explained to my therapist that he came back home to me but he left his heart at the bottom of the driveway.
Same story here friend. 8 years of false reconciliations, either because he was kicked out by her after a fight or he came home to check to see that things were intact and in place. I'm reading the "I've Been Played" thread and wonder why the hell I didn't find this place 8 years ago.

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post #122 of 585 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 03:46 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Myth: "They Come Crawling Back"

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She and her husband were expelled from TAM due to her sending out naked photos to TAM members who paid her back with money shots. He was in on it.
No they didn't. That was OMyGoditsJoe and some other hussie. You are getting your TAMers mixed up.

Mr and Mrs Adams are still members, they just choose not to participate.
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post #123 of 585 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 04:00 PM
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Re: Myth: "They Come Crawling Back"

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Same story here friend. 8 years of false reconciliations, either because he was kicked out by her after a fight or he came home to check to see that things were intact and in place. I'm reading the "I've Been Played" thread and wonder why the hell I didn't find this place 8 years ago.
I here ya Teddie ............if we only knew then what we know now !!
Wasted, wasted, wasted years !!!!!!! And we will never get them back!
VH
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post #124 of 585 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 06:46 PM
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Re: Myth: "They Come Crawling Back"

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No they didn't. That was OMyGoditsJoe and some other hussie. You are getting your TAMers mixed up.

Mr and Mrs Adams are still members, they just choose not to participate.
Correct, Bandit. Also, with reference to other posts regarding them in this thread, Mr and Mrs. JA certainly did not have an open marriage. Mrs. JA was feeling inadequate for certain reasons and her Evil Professor took advantage. She thought they were going to have a lunch date but he steered her into a ODS instead--never even bought her a meal!
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post #125 of 585 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 06:49 PM
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Re: Myth: "They Come Crawling Back"

VH and TeddieG, I'm so sorry for all you've both been through. I count it as a blessing that my ex chose the OW over me and walked away to her. Reconciliation is hard as nails, even under circumstances like MattMatt's or MountainRunner's, where the WS sincerely wants to save the marriage and is truly remorseful and transparent. False reconciliation is like doubling down on the worst thing (aside from physical abuse) you could possibly do to someone you supposedly loved enough to marry.
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post #126 of 585 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 07:39 PM
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Re: Myth: "They Come Crawling Back"

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Unless you have evidence of that, that you can back up, that is a mighty serious accusation to make against someone. Especially against a couple who are no longer here to defend themselves. And, contrary to what was stated earlier in this thread, they never posted anything about having an open marriage. They posted that she had a ONS with her college professor, who was also a well known basketball coach, and he had an RA that lasted for about a day, as well.

From the tone of your posts regarding Mr. & Mrs. JA, one might suspect that someone was scorned that they might have missed out on all of this "alleged" action.
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I have nothing against them.

If you check the link, you will discover that nearly everything she posted is gone. None of her own threads remain. I could not have made up such a story. It was written about in the banned members thread, though I do see that she is not banned.

In any case, I merely wanted to point out that comment that brought them up as a couple in reconciliation, listed them as an example of a rare reconciliation. My reply was that there marriage was not conventional.

I don't believe I mixed them up with other posters. But if I did I will certain apologize.

Returning to the topic, an example of an imperfect reconciliation would be Racer. He stayed with his wife but he never found her capable of genuine remorse. He stayed in any case. I think he felt irritation and discomfort.

Another example of imperfect reconciliation was the music teacher married to the art teacher. She had an affair with a student. She trickle truthed him and was in false R for period. She was sorry and I believe she genuinely wanted to have her old marriage back but it was gone. If they stayed together I hope that they managed to reconnect. Her husband was also on TAM.

Mrs. Matthias...I think that was her name.
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post #127 of 585 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 07:57 PM
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Re: Myth: "They Come Crawling Back"

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In any case, I merely wanted to point out that comment that brought them up as a couple in reconciliation, listed them as an example of a rare reconciliation. My reply was that there marriage was not conventional.

I don't believe I mixed them up with other posters.
But if I did I will certain apologize.
Hi, LongWalk. I think you might in fact be mixing up some elements. Mr and Mrs JA had a conventional monogamous marriage before the unfortunate events, and have had one for the 30+ years since.
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post #128 of 585 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 08:15 PM
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Re: Myth: "They Come Crawling Back"

Hey, Philat! Good to hear from you. Hope life is treating you well.

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. -Mark Twain

For the lips of an adulteress drip honey and smoother than oil is her speech. -Proverbs 5:3
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post #129 of 585 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 08:31 PM
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Re: Myth: "They Come Crawling Back"

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Originally Posted by LongWalk View Post
I have nothing against them.

If you check the link, you will discover that nearly everything she posted is gone. None of her own threads remain. I could not have made up such a story. It was written about in the banned members thread, though I do see that she is not banned.

In any case, I merely wanted to point out that comment that brought them up as a couple in reconciliation, listed them as an example of a rare reconciliation. My reply was that there marriage was not conventional.

I don't believe I mixed them up with other posters. But if I did I will certain apologize.

Returning to the topic, an example of an imperfect reconciliation would be Racer. He stayed with his wife but he never found her capable of genuine remorse. He stayed in any case. I think he felt irritation and discomfort.

Another example of imperfect reconciliation was the music teacher married to the art teacher. She had an affair with a student. She trickle truthed him and was in false R for period. She was sorry and I believe she genuinely wanted to have her old marriage back but it was gone. If they stayed together I hope that they managed to reconnect. Her husband was also on TAM.

Mrs. Matthias...I think that was her name.
You did, in fact, mix them up with another TAM couple, as Bandit has already pointed out to you. And, with the facts of that situation being as vile as they were, verifying the accuracy of the couple in question would have been the responsible thing to do.

With regard to Mr. & Mrs. Mathias, they are still married to one another, raising their two sons, and appear to have reconciled, although I don't know any further details.
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post #130 of 585 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 08:57 PM
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Re: Myth: "They Come Crawling Back"

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Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
No they didn't. That was OMyGoditsJoe and some other hussie. You are getting your TAMers mixed up.

Mr and Mrs Adams are still members, they just choose not to participate.
It is OMyGoditsJoe and OMyGoditsElaine. More so her that was pulling that stunt.

At the same time that happened, Mr and Mrs Adams were temporarily banned. They are both nudists. They had a few photos in albums that included non-sexual nudity. The photos were removed and they got a time out.

After that they announced they were leaving. A little over that event and a lot that they felt they got help here, but it was no longer helpful to remain.

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post #131 of 585 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 09:21 PM
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Re: Myth: "They Come Crawling Back"

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I'm not sure what percentage of WS come crawling back.
In the vast majority of cases, if they crawl back, my guess is they are doing it for self-serving purposes.
If not, why is a 100% remorseful WS such a rare commodity on TAM.
Check out the R threads on TAM. . . eeeek. . . sounds like the last thing anyone should do, or if so only in the rarest of cases.
An A is always an elephant in the room, even 20 years later, 100% remorseful or not. There's a few threads about that too.
So it's best if they DON"T come crawling back IMO.
Perhaps it is the response of the TAM regulars that keeps them from posting here. For a typical example look at EI's thread:

how-much-detail

Given that we know how it all worked out, read the vicious attacks on EI. A measure of her strength is that she did not stop posting on TAM.
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post #132 of 585 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 09:25 PM
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Re: Myth: "They Come Crawling Back"

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She and her husband were expelled from TAM due to her sending out naked photos to TAM members who paid her back with money shots. He was in on it.
This is not true. To avoid a thread jack I will not reply further in public.
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post #133 of 585 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 09:26 PM
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Re: Myth: "They Come Crawling Back"

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Given that we know how it all worked out, read the vicious attacks on EI. A measure of her strength is that she did not stop posting on TAM.
She's one helluva woman in my book.

ETA- And B1 is one helluva man as well.

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. -Mark Twain

For the lips of an adulteress drip honey and smoother than oil is her speech. -Proverbs 5:3
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post #134 of 585 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 09:44 PM
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Re: Myth: "They Come Crawling Back"

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Originally Posted by larry.gray View Post
At the same time that happened, Mr and Mrs Adams were temporarily banned. They are both nudists. They had a few photos in albums that included non-sexual nudity. The photos were removed and they got a time out.
Hi, Larry. Point of clarification: The photos in question were in the Adamses' own extensive vacation photo albums, to which they provided links to a few TAM friends. Those few photos that could be considered nudies were actually quite modest. The photos were not in TAM-hosted albums.
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post #135 of 585 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 10:34 PM
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Re: Myth: "They Come Crawling Back"

@Philat!!!

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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