Thanks for the replies. H and I talked last night. He said he loves me but isn't in love with me. He has so much hurt and rejection from the past five years of our 15yr marriage. He did acknowledge that maybe he doesn't quite now how to forgive and move forward. He said he has little hope we can make a new marriage. He said I haven't been very loving to him. So selfish! He had the affair. But he's waiting for me to make the first move on affection, sex, etc. I don't know. I am so tired physically and mentally. I feel like I have to be the bus driver/ring leader on our R plan. Would like to feel he's assisting too. I don't know.
Im so sorry you are going through this. I found out about my husbands EA with a co worker in May and we are in the Process of getting our marriage back on track. Its a long hard process but i Strongly advise you to read the posts in the "coping with infidelity" forum. They have really helped me.
My husband also told me that he wasnt in love with me any more, that he didnt feel the same and that he was full of resentment and hurt. Thats becuase he was in the "fog". I cut short his little romance, and excitment and he resented me for it. As a grown woman I accepted this and realised that he needed time to get over it and see it for what it was. Did he really want to leave me for another woman with 2 small kids!! I dont think so, but he needed time to realise that. Now he tells me he loves me everday. And it means more to me than it ever has, because i know he means it.
Your husband is following the exact same "script" that all WS do. You can read about this in my "How do I learn to trust again?" thread, and you really need to read up about the "Fog". Its amazing how they all go through the same pattern of behaviour.
Reading theses posts wont speed up your recovery but they do give comfort in the fact that you are not alone in the way you are feeling and, like greif, recovering from an affair also goes through similar stages.
Good luck to you. Let us know how you are getting on x x