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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Not your typical

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 09-29-2011, 12:38 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sadcalifornian View Post
In my social group, if a guy tries to kiss with another man's wife, he would be ostricized immediately. I don't understand why you decided to hang around with this friend of yours after you know he tried to kiss your wife. This whole situation sounds weird !

What kind of people are you, really?


Yeah, not invite on an RV trip and drug the wife too.
Sounds more like a soft swing fantasy.
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Old 09-29-2011, 06:54 AM   #32 (permalink)
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I can see your point. To trusting on my part. Far from swingers but we had a group of 3 couples who hang out on the weekends. One is my neighbor and our kids go back and fourth from house to house. My house was always open to his and his to mine. His dog would come over and greet me at the door when I got home. Kind of became a extended family. My wife would give them both a hug and kiss when we hung out but nothing with passion.Bad couple comes into play here and yes this is weird I know. The wife of the bad couple was married to my neighbor. They all hung out together. we met them and thought this was very strange but to each there own. So we all became close friends over years of seeing each other since the one lives behind us. Fast forward a few years and my wife is having anger issues becouse of her job and stress. Her docter prescribes her anti depressents and then prescribes her a very heavy anti depresent to go along with it. She was never pescribed ambien. Thats my prescription. A year goes by and she is having issues with focus. I talk to her about it and she will get mad so I let it go. I should have stood up sooner but didnt want the fight. We were drinking a little every night then a lot on the weekend. She throws me a b day party where she drinks heavily and actually went around and was hugging and kissing on people. we git into a fight about it the next day and she says she doesnt remember any of it. Fast forward a month and we are at it again with the alcahol and dinner. We come back here with friends and watch a movie. She disappears and I find her on the bathroom floor talking about work to herself. I get her to come down and she falls asleep sitting up. next brings us to a friends party that was mentioned earlier. He kissed her but with more then a friend kiss. She tells me about it before we even leave the driveway. A few weeks later We have sex after yet another weekend of drinking and the next day she asks why is she so sore. I told her we had sex and she says she does remember any of it what so ever. 2 days later it all erupted. Lots of poor choices made but we are better for it. I told her about his forum and showed her all the posts. We talk about it every day. We are closer then ever but I dont know how to be myself again. I guess given the history that may not be a bad thing. We are not swingers nor would ever be swingers. Also, His wife cam onto me a few times and I walked away, Chalked it up to alcahol. Maybe just to trusting on my part in people.
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Old 09-29-2011, 06:58 AM   #33 (permalink)
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I've seen the scary side effects of drugs and some interactions - can be crazy!however things that 23 has posted don't add up.

This guy already made a move on his wife, yet his wife who avoids other men, went on a camping trip with this guy.
Camping trips = close proximity to others.

2 + 2 does not equal 5. Something isnt right here, 23.
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Old 09-29-2011, 06:58 AM   #34 (permalink)
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I still want to know what your former friends explanation is???

Your wife needs to get medical help. Between drugs, alcohol and behavior she is out of control and it needs to be addressed.
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Old 09-29-2011, 07:10 AM   #35 (permalink)
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They werent invited, We went with my wifes sisters family and our family. Bad couple texts and asks if they can go but they dont have anything to stay in. We ride atvs as a group and family. We went to the desert for a weekend of family time. I will send a open invite to friends on facebook to anyone that wants to ride with us to come out. Bad couple finds out and wants to go becouse they ride also. They usually stay in the neighbor behind us rv. Yes weird again becouse they were married. They werent coming out till the next day so they needed a place to sleep for one night. I said ok.
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Old 09-29-2011, 07:17 AM   #36 (permalink)
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Like I said in the intro. Not your typical. As far as my wifes phones,e mails,facebook account. All are open to me since before this happened as are mine. She is more then welcome to go threw all my stuff as well.
I still take ambien or I would get no sleep, as it is I wake up even with taking it hence the posts at 5am my time this morning. She has swore off everything and has stuck to it as of so far.
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Old 09-29-2011, 07:23 AM   #37 (permalink)
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The guys wife has text me and said he is so sorry and cried for 2 days about it.She said he drank way to much and isnt entirely sure how they got to where they were. But does remember some of what happened. I feel she got up to go outside in a sleep walk and he persued and instigated. Thats my gut feeling and really the only thing that makes sense.
With her not there it got out of hand. He should have been a man and stepped away. She feels becouse she didnt say no its her fault, She doesnt know what she said.
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Old 09-29-2011, 07:26 AM   #38 (permalink)
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Side note, I told the guys wife there is only one thing he can do for me, and you dont want to know what that is. She text back she was mad that I would go there and she wouldnt wish that for my wife. Well she aint me and I will help him caulk it and load it.
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Old 09-29-2011, 07:39 AM   #39 (permalink)
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Alright 23, I can understand how something like that could have happened (meaning the invite). If you feel that she is genuine through actions that she is remorseful (besides being sick), marriage counseling will help both of you, certainly in establishing boundaries.

She needs to see her doctor to explain the effects of the medicines she consumed. If she still needs help, the dr will help her with prescriptions. But she needs to be honest of the side effects of interactions. And no alcohol already, that's definitely a good start.
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Old 09-29-2011, 08:08 AM   #40 (permalink)
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I now have a better understanding of how things are there. So, this OM must have known for a while that your wife gets kind of sexually reckless without remembering much afterwards time to time due to her drug use. It would not be difficult to pick up on such things and he just took advantage of it. Also, because of her such history, you are not 100% sure how much to blame the OM even for the makeout session they had that night.

You know, this kind of blackout of memory loss during drinking with or without drug, once it starts, tend to get worse and worse. I used to drink, I used to have my memory intact even while heavily toxicated, but once I experienced blackout, it started to occur more and more readily everytime I drank. And, it is a scary experience not remembering what I said or did the next morning. So, I stopped drinking altogether, except some wine and beer once in a while.

First of all, your wife must stop drinking. She cannot trust herself let alone you as her husband. Secondly, the OM couple must be cut off from your social network. He knew how your wife was and he took advantage of her. Although she may have been influenced by the drug and alcohol and lost her inhibition, but he certainly was fully aware of what he was doing. Actually, I have suspicion, he was kind of looking for something with your wife all along. They might have talked about sneaking together to do something like this before you guys went to bed.

The weird thing is that although you cannot remember things said and done during blackout the next day, while in blackout you do sort of talk, scheme, and act out with awareness of surroundings, although drunk. Although she may not remember the next day, she and OM could have schemed together this secret midnight rendezvous before she even went to bed with you. People often become this total different persona while in this blackout period. As if drug-induced split personality of some kind.
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Old 09-29-2011, 08:55 AM   #41 (permalink)
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My wife is a nurse practicioner. Means that she sees patients and prescribes medications, mostly for emergency care. She's not an expert, but she recently told me that there seems to be one thing with ambien use that is more common than actual sleepwalking sexual behaviors: that's people using a small dose of ambien as an excuse for putting theirselves in a sexual situation.

Taking high doses of ambien can cause the more wild episodes of behaviors we hear about on the internet. Consuming large quantities of alcohol can only make this worse.

Lets face it - everybody has heard the stories. Who in their right mind would allow themselves to mix such a ****tail when sleeping in the same RV as a guy who once kissed her? You should ask a doctor if her dosage of ambien, mixed with alcohol, is enough to even realistically cause such behaviors. Very few, if any, will call the police about sharing medications. This whole thing just sounds contrived. Sorry for the honesty, but that's just an opinion.

If she did this intentionally, she still might have talked herself into it by using the easy out of bailing out if she changed her mind. The tears and remorse, and even the excuse of forgetting could easily be remorse for just getting caught.

Sorry, but I really am a guy who is also very naive. Still, even if my wife started down a path of drinking, then I offered her an ambien in the company of a man who had kissed her in the past, she would have told me that I was crazy for drugging her to the point of craziness. Your wife didn't. Of course, if the guy kissed her drunkenly in the past, many women would not allow themselves to stay in the same RV even if no such ****tail was consumed, fearing that it might have been some intent behind it. You are blaming yourself for being naive, but just how naive is she?
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Old 09-29-2011, 09:11 AM   #42 (permalink)
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Halien, all valid points that 23 should consider in installing a keylogger and vARs
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Old 09-29-2011, 09:11 AM   #43 (permalink)
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This is the wife- I have read through all the posts here. Some of you have some very valid points. I am not a victim in this incident at all and don't claim to be. I love my husband with all my heart and have since we were "kids". We married at 16 and 18 not because we were pregnant, but because we loved each other. There is nothing in this world that is going to make this go away or erase this from our minds. I have very little memory of that night. most of it is what has been filled in to me from other people. This, I do not feel was planned as someone posted earlier. I remember being in bed. I don't know how I got outside at all. I agree with earlier post of no more alcohol. At this point is ever, may be eventually will be an occasional drink with dinner on a special evening or something of that nature. I am almost a week into being completely off all meds and alcohol. my thoughts are clearier then they have been in a long time. I actually feel smart again, however, my anger issues at work are back. I deal with the public in customer service and if anyone has ever done that for a living knows how challenging that is and how someone can make you feel. People in general can be very mean and uncaring about how they make other people feel. I am a kind, soft hearted person and am good at what I do because I care about my customers and that there things are broken and I am there to try to help them get them fixed.
**as posted earlier someone said that the black outs start coming more often once they start. I agree, this scares me. I have set my mind to no more mind altering substances in my body and I am sticking to it. I have hurt my husband more than I care to ever do and will ever do in the future. It breaks my heart to see him hurting and stumbling through his day not knowing which way to turn. I can't change what has happened, but I can prevent it from happening. I am fighting for my marriage and my family with all my aching heart.....
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Old 09-29-2011, 09:21 AM   #44 (permalink)
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the wife: our rv is not as small as most of you might think in your minds. It is a 32 ft toyhauler with seperate front bedroom. My husband and I sleep in the front and our guests as well as the children,\ (that were in there asleep) stay. I honestly thought the "kiss" was a one time **ck up of the OM and he would never try anything again. I was not chacing anyone. My hugging and kissing on people was purely innocent and meant nothing sexual. Everyone that we hang around with is married and love there spouses very much. I must add that I hugged and kissed on the wives also -- you all have in your mind that this kissing was sexual. Let me clear your minds. This is the kind of kissing that family members do ( on the cheek or a peck on the lips. not tongue down your throat pure make out session)
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Old 09-29-2011, 09:22 AM   #45 (permalink)
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23's wife - to add a little levity to a rough situation - I work in retail to - everyone should have to for some period of their lives - I completely understand what you mean by that. You just have to let the crazy customers roll off your back.

Hang on - you're likely to get a few rough responses from some of the betrayed spouses here. They understandably have very little patience with those of us on the wayward side. Just be sure you do whatever you have to make sure you are never ever anywhere near another situation like this again. And if that OM steps off the curb in front of you - run him over with that Karma bus of Appleducklings!!
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