Not your typical

Eli-Zor · 10-02-2011, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 23yearmarriage

She blames herself for not saying no no matter what shape she was in. .

Your wife seems to have rationalised this better than you, accept it and together work out a way forward.
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23yearmarriage · 10-02-2011, 05:24 PM

Actually she hasnt. I wont get into details becouse she may read this but its to the point we are fighting for our lives. She knows she should have stopped the booz and prescription drugs before this but didnt. I agree she was as willing as a girl in the club or bar that was messed up on crap and eneded up in the sack. I know they did not have full on sex. I am pretty sure it would have if I didnt walk out when I did and she would have not known the next day. I know how it sounds from the outside espacially when you read threw all the posts. I am mostly just needing to express myself and I am trying to keep it under wraps as well. Nobody knows except who was there. She is as disgraced as I am and our marriage

ing · 10-03-2011, 12:16 AM

Hi 23.
You have been together a very long time, since you were quiet young. I tend to believe that this was one off. I want to I suppose.. My 25 year marriage is down the toilet and a good news story is long overdue here!

This is a very, very serious wake up call. You should both do some marriage counseling to try and sort out all the things that have remained unsaid. All the little resentments that have built up over the years.
Put it all on the table. Do this now. LISTEN to each other.
In the time you have been together there have been so many changes in the world and you have grown up together.
Think of it as a time to re-evaluate what you both want out of life.

MC will help you get beyond all the barriers that you build.
Good luck to you both. Be OPEN. Be HONEST.
Stay in Love.

TwyztedChyck · 10-03-2011, 01:09 AM

Let go of the guilt already. You both agree it was a horrible experience, you both agree to never let it happen again, now agree to move on. It's like the Serenity Prayer. Change what you can (the behaviours that led up to it), accept what you cannot change (that it happened) and just walk away. It is what it is. If you only had a limited time left with each other in this world, woud you want it spent in the throes of bellyaching guilt? Mistakes are for teaching us. Learn the lesson and move forward.
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23yearmarriage · 10-03-2011, 07:37 AM

I had another semi disaster last night with the kid. This kind of woke me up. As far as getting things out in the open we are talking couple times a day but trying to let it go. I feel I am getting up but far from standing.prescription drug and alcahol free for over a week now. We went for a mountain bike ride last night with the family.

sadcalifornian · 10-03-2011, 09:03 AM

The kid knows about mom's indescretion?

23yearmarriage · 10-03-2011, 06:33 PM

She knows about the fight and what she has overheard. She doesnt know what exactly is going on.

23yearmarriage · 11-03-2011, 04:48 PM

Its been about a month and a half since D Day. I wish I could say it was all great but its not. Nightmares everynight except the last 2. Still plays in my head daily and gets worse as evening comes. I have withdrawn from all friends and family and pretty much go to work and come home. She still doesnt know what happened, Just what has been told to her. 4 days no sleep or eating after and still no real wanting to eat now. I have lost about 25-30 pounds since this happened. She is handeling it ok but very moody off all meds. She says I should be better then I am and part of me agrees but I dont know the date I will be me again if ever. My mind is pretty much fu"d. I am in a self imposed exile as I have pretty much adopted a f-you to the world. Not really looking for awnsers anymore just venting. I have all her emails and text messages from the past as well as all her passwords. Nothing anywhere that suggests this was a planned or wanted event but this still gives little if any comfort. I would like to have a fairy tale ending but not sure how to make that happen yet.

Shaggy · 11-03-2011, 05:07 PM

Look, you seriously need some outside individual therapy to teach you how to cope with this agony.
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sadcalifornian · 11-04-2011, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shaggy

Look, you seriously need some outside individual therapy to teach you how to cope with this agony.
Posted via Mobile Device

I agree. Find a good IC or MC.

Gabriel · 11-04-2011, 03:20 PM

23, go to a counselor, NOW. You are reacting as if she was still screwing multiple men and rubbing your face in it. Time to step back a bit, and get some help. Don't worry about the cost - this is costing you much more.

And to onthefence - you didn't think Lord Mayhem was being serious, did you? He is one of the most epic posters on this entire website, and has helped dozens of people. That was him being VERY sarcastic.

morituri · 11-04-2011, 03:27 PM

My daughter has a male friend who suffered from PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) as a consequence having been a soldier in Afghanistan. He underwent EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy) and no longer has PTSD.

You might want to check it out to see if you can benefit from it.

the guy · 11-05-2011, 03:15 AM

Come on man, shake this crap off.
I will not let my W behavior define who I want to be. You can to the same. Fake it until you make it. No matter how hard be positive...force it and you will find positve things will come your way and soon it will come natural.

Shake this funk off and enjoy the fact you had a nice bike ride with the fam and look forward to more of them in the future.

Please stop letting this bs define you. Do not let this evil win, take control and beat this crap. You diserve to be happy and diserve good things make it happen. Make it happen by stop letting it control you....you control it.

Its not what knocks us down that counts, its how we get back up that matters!

chapparal · 11-05-2011, 05:53 AM

Definitely go to counseling. Both of you, immediately, while there is still something left to counsel......very bad situation but its getting worse rather than better. Prayer for your family and good luck. Don't let your family down, get help.