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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 09-29-2011, 04:32 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Divorce and Suicide

My Boss at work received a phone call today. Her 33 year old Godson committed suicide. His wife had divorced him. He did not want the divorce, and he was so distraught he took his own life. I feel so sad for his family, and for him too, that he could not find the strength in himself to go on. I don't know any other details other than that, but it made me wonder...Did any of you ever try to commit suicide? I think we all having passing thoughts of doing it, but has anyone ever actually tried? Or do you know anyone who did kill themselves because of a divorce or unfaithful souse?
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Old 09-29-2011, 04:50 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Divorce and Suicide

Didn't try but certain thought about it. My ex said he thought about the same.

They say the chances someone will attempt suicide are sky high when someone is going through a divorce. Makes sense.

Sorry to hear your awful story. That is so sad
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Old 09-29-2011, 04:57 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Never tried. Thought about it a few times.

I think it was when I thought about it, and it didn't bother me, that I needed to find a way out of what I was doing.

Sorry to hear about your post. It really doesn't solve anything in the end, just creates more problems for the people who are left behind.
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Old 09-29-2011, 05:02 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Ouch...that hurts...sorry to hear it.

Sorry, but no woman or man is worth ending your life over.
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Old 09-29-2011, 05:16 PM   #5 (permalink)
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That's one thing that concerns me regarding my wife who left our family. I'm certain she is still battling depression with ineffective meeds and a mediocre psychiatrist who resides in a different state than my wife. When she gets the divorce papers it's gonna hit her hard.
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Old 09-29-2011, 05:22 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I have attempted suicide 12 times since I was 14. First time was after I was raped. Last time was last Oct. Been hospitalized 4 times.
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Old 09-29-2011, 05:23 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Divorce and Suicide

It wasn't a divorce, but following a breakup from a gf that I was prepared to propose to. For many many months after our split, I tried to patch things up. Finally sent her a card asking her to call me so we could talk; if I didn't hear from her by a certain date/time, I'd planned to not wake up the next morning. Right before that deadline, my phone rang. It wasn't her...it was a good friend I hadn't heard from in ages, who had no way of knowing what was on my mind right then. We talked...I told my story...I got good advice. And, when we hung up, I realized something...the girl I was pining for had effectively let me die. It was the splash of cold water in the face that I needed to move beyond her. But, had it not been for that timely phone call, I wouldn't have made that realization, because I wouldn't have been around.
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Old 09-29-2011, 10:39 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I have thought about it also...plently in the last month....due to my H's EA/PA of 9 months....going to counceling tomorrow...taking meds now to keep me calm and sometimes that doesn't even help.....I know it's not because of my H I wanted to just go to sleep...but just to end the pain I was and am feeling.....apparently I choose to live and go pay out the butt for help rather than just pass away silently in the night like I had thought about.....if there is anyone out there that feels like doing it...STOP....THINK...AND GET HELP....SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER...THE OTHER PERSON WILL NOT CARE...BECAUSE IF YOU ARE READING THS YOU ALREADY KNOW ANYONE WHO LIES, DECIEVES,CHEATS DOESN'T CARE ANYWAY.....NO ONE IS WORTH TAKING YOUR OWN LIFE...although you may feel like ending it today you will wake up tomorrow and be glad you didn't.....there is help out there...keep looking and you will find it
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Old 09-29-2011, 10:50 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Divorce and Suicide

We both thought about it. Hubs said he just wanted to pull the e-brake while on the freeway and swerve into a wall

I didn't really think about it...I have kids to support. however, I did think about running away and just disappearing.
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Old 09-29-2011, 11:33 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Good day,

I have to say one night I had come very close to committing suicide. This occurred not to long after my wife left me for a man she was having an EM and possibly PA with. I was drinking alone and very depressed (no, I do not have a drinking problem), and it was just me and the dog. I had convinced myself that I was going to do it that night, however being the type of person I was I had to plan it all out. So I grabbed some rope, drilled a hole in one of the beams in the basement, tied a noose and was all set. The thing that halted the entire process was when I looked at my dog. I realized if I am not found for several days, what would happen to my dog? I tried to think of a way that she would be fed and have enough water to drink in case I was there for a per-longed period of time. As I continued to drink and figure out the best way to ensure my dogs safety, The next thing I know I woke up on the couch. I had passed out.

I realized that being this depressed and drinking are simply not a good combination and it scared the crap out of me to think how close I was at ending my own life.

Just a quick 2 cents, people who say those who commit suicide are weak and selfish etc. What you may not understand is that Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain. It does not mean you are weak, selfish or even really want to die. It just means you are well past your ability to cope. It would be as if I asked you to lift a box, then I started putting weights inside. Eventually you will not be able to hold the box and be forced to drop it. This is what happens when the weight of our pain overcomes our ability to deal with it.

Just some food for thought. There is a great article I suggest everyone should read about suicide. It certainly is an eye opener and may just help save your life if you are one of the unfortunate people facing such insurmountable pain.

Suicide Read this First

All the best,
Rob
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Old 09-30-2011, 12:58 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Divorce and Suicide

I know a guy in our circle of friends that got divorced, his ex wife remarried, and he never recovered. It took a few years, but he ended up shooting himself in the head last winter. He lived alone with his two dogs, and it was days before they discovered his body. By then, his two little dogs, out of starvation, fed on his body. It was in the news.
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Old 09-30-2011, 01:06 AM   #12 (permalink)
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My brother's first wife committed suicide in midst of their divorce. Married 11 years - no children. Really effed all of us up.
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Old 09-30-2011, 01:29 AM   #13 (permalink)
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hate to admit but I've been giving it serious thought. Even though I sometimes have bouts of depression, that is not the motivating factor. Even though I feel deeply rejected by my cheating W who left, that is not the reason either. It's just simply I've spent 35 years always feeling like there is no point, always feeling like I am not really going to accomplish anything worth sticking around for, and I really don't want to toil away for another 35 years of just surviving. I realize it probably is rooted in my "niceguyness" of expecting others to meet my needs by being kind, gracious and not stepping on people's toes, but I've unsuccesfully been trying to change that for the better part of the past two decades to no avail. Sure there have been moments that I was glad I was alive to experience them, sure I recognize that I can bring something to others, but experience is telling me I will just continue to go on feeling unfulfilled the rest of my days. Of course, now I have committments, and feel huge responsibility to my son, and of course other family members who I'd just simply be afraid to hurt too much if I took my life, but is that really a good enough reason to go on, guilt? Doesn't matter either way because I simply don't have enough confidence in my own memory of events in my life to be certain enough that taking my own life would be the better option. If I had more trust that my lifetime of memories of dreariness and pointlessness with the occasional sprinkle of fun was accurate I don't think I'd have much more hesitation. And don't tell me that suicide is the easy way out because that just makes it sound more appealing. I do know if I went ahead for that I'd be sure to cover my bases and make sure to minimize the traumatic affect on my loved ones, and would let them know it was not caused by my divorce, or any particular failure, just a general sense of unfulfillment and realization that it will never get any better. But alas I doubt my own will enough that I will just continue on my lonely unsatisfying life until it ends from natural or unforeseen causes. In the meantime I will continue to get as much enjoyment out of each day as I can muster, will try to instill opportunity and a positive outlook in my son and go on being underutilized and underappreciated unless I happen (whatever the random chance may be) to be able to find the key to getting over whatever hangups I've been carrying around all this time.
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Old 09-30-2011, 02:10 AM   #14 (permalink)
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I'm not proud to confess that I've had 4 close attempts in the last year but I am proud to say that I survived those horrible moments in my life.

It is very easy to say for somebody that suicide is not the answer to problems, which is true, but I can definitely understand when a person gets to that point where there is a "blue screen" and the system wants to shut down to prevent any further damage.

For me it was the depression over a long peroid of time caused by emotional abuse by my ex-wife, all the lies, gaslighting in front of my daughter, betrayal, loss of peace of mind, loss of hope and future, the pain and hurt, destroyed self-esteem and 2 affairs by my ex-wife that got me to that point.

Thinking back now, I realise that it probably had to happen. It was almost like a reality check, showing me that I couldn't count on the person I trusted the most, the person I devoted my life to. I was willing to pay the ultimate price just to end the pain and suffering.

Would I have been the winner? No. But I am now because I'm still here. Something she did not expect. I will come out of this much stronger in the long run. Since this toxic relationship has ended in April I'm getting stronger every day, my new life has begun.

People who think about suicide and/or act on it are not weak in their character. It can happen to anybody, all it takes are the right circumstances and the lights go out. It is a wake up call, calling for change, and that change is called "live". The pain will pass and will make you a stronger person. Still better to suffer for a while and experience the positive changes in the long run than the quick fix and never having the chance to get better.

We will all make it. Time is on our side. No matter what brought you all here on this forum, we all share the suffering of the ultimate pain. Dealing with this makes us stronger than anybody else. We are already all winners, we just don't know it yet.
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Old 09-30-2011, 10:49 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by golfergirl View Post
My brother's first wife committed suicide in midst of their divorce. Married 11 years - no children. Really effed all of us up.
Wow. How awful
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