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post #31 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 01:02 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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Originally Posted by 2ntnuf View Post
I didn't figure it wrong, @bigfoot. I got you loud and clear. Thank you for explaining.

According to you, those AP's are equivalent to a serial killer or a child abuser. They have no desire to consider the consequences of their actions or that the person they are having sex with is a human being with a life, loves, dislikes, a family which possibly includes children though definitely includes folks she considers as important in her life, a life which she loves so much that she will attempt to ruin what she built to live happily by having an affair with someone she knows less about than her own husband. He knows she is desperate as does a serial killer with a victim. It causes him to feel powerful and godlike. It gives him comfort to know he has some control in a life without control. And, we all have lives which we can't control much other than our own actions and reactions.

Guess what? You proved further to me that the AP is as much at fault or more, than a poor abused woman who is just seeking to satisfy her sexual desires, her need to be respected, not physically and/or emotionally hurt anymore, and who is just wanting to be loved and cared for.

Seems by your explanation, the AP is a monster, though I doubt he really is. He's just a simpleton whose britches(colloquialism for breeches) are bigger than his capacity for real understanding and empathy.

Something isn't right with your response. I'll think about it. Thank you for explaining.

Whoa there cowboy,

That is SERIOUSLY NOT my point. Maybe you are wanting to debate this issue, and I will back out because you have misconstrued my point in a most remarkable way.

1. Not saying they are like serial killers. Not saying they enjoy and get off on power. In fact, my point applies whether the AP is male or female. That is why I used AP and not OM. Repeat: AP!!! The serial killer point was just to illustrate another point and was not a comparison.

2. Never once suggested a helpless female looking to get her sexual desires fulfilled was taken advantage of by an OM. That is just plain ridiculous. Like that is actually the most ridiculous twisting of what I wrote to the point that you have got to be kidding me. That animal does not exist. The horny tormented innocent woman who loves her family but is seduced and ravished by some sexual sociopath?!! NOPE. FALSE.

Not even sure how else to respond to that. Look: Horny faithful wives are a dime a dozen. Horny faithful husbands are a dime a dozen. The key point is "FAITHFUL". Lot's of folks go thru dry spells, etc. and stay faithful. Sickness and no sex: Faithful. Distance and no sex: Faithful. Angry and no sex: Faithful. Cheater: Not faithful.

Whether one calls it a one time thing, lapse, cry for help, loneliness, misdirection, manifestation of brokenness, FOO, whatever the term of the day happens to be, my position is clear: A cheater is a cheater. Horny. Not horny. Lonely. Not lonely. Unfulfilled. Fulfilled. I've seen them all. In the end, they were just CHEATERS. Remorseful? I don't care. It does not change that label "cheater". Its like "alcoholic" to me. Are they worth the risk again, that is up to the BS. Maybe remorse factors in, but that is up to the BS. I have no dog in that fight.

3. AP is worse? Absolutely did not say that. I think anyone that betrays their family, risks their kid's future and emotional and mental health, destroys their spouse all for a roll in the hay is the worst to me. It may just be me, but I view that as worse, relative to that particular family. Obviously, if the AP is married with kids then they are worse, relative to that family. Both are garbage, but to me, it takes a special kind of garbage to ruin your own family.

4. @BetrayedDad: I don't disagree with your point, I think that since all of this occurs more on a spectrum, what you said and what I said are true. Would that it could be simplified, but we could each pick and post numerous replies from other threads to support our position.

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post #32 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 01:14 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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Whoa there cowboy,

That is SERIOUSLY NOT my point. Maybe you are wanting to debate this issue, and I will back out because you have misconstrued my point in a most remarkable way.
Okay.

Quote:
1. Not saying they are like serial killers. Not saying they enjoy and get off on power. In fact, my point applies whether the AP is male or female. That is why I used AP and not OM. Repeat: AP!!! The serial killer point was just to illustrate another point and was not a comparison.

2. Never once suggested a helpless female looking to get her sexual desires fulfilled was taken advantage of by an OM. That is just plain ridiculous. Like that is actually the most ridiculous twisting of what I wrote to the point that you have got to be kidding me. That animal does not exist. The horny tormented innocent woman who loves her family but is seduced and ravished by some sexual sociopath?!! NOPE. FALSE.

Not even sure how else to respond to that. Look: Horny faithful wives are a dime a dozen. Horny faithful husbands are a dime a dozen. The key point is "FAITHFUL". Lot's of folks go thru dry spells, etc. and stay faithful. Sickness and no sex: Faithful. Distance and no sex: Faithful. Angry and no sex: Faithful. Cheater: Not faithful.

Whether one calls it a one time thing, lapse, cry for help, loneliness, misdirection, manifestation of brokenness, FOO, whatever the term of the day happens to be, my position is clear: A cheater is a cheater. Horny. Not horny. Lonely. Not lonely. Unfulfilled. Fulfilled. I've seen them all. In the end, they were just CHEATERS. Remorseful? I don't care. It does not change that label "cheater". Its like "alcoholic" to me. Are they worth the risk again, that is up to the BS. Maybe remorse factors in, but that is up to the BS. I have no dog in that fight.

3. AP is worse? Absolutely did not say that. I think anyone that betrays their family, risks their kid's future and emotional and mental health, destroys their spouse all for a roll in the hay is the worst to me. It may just be me, but I view that as worse, relative to that particular family. Obviously, if the AP is married with kids then they are worse, relative to that family. Both are garbage, but to me, it takes a special kind of garbage to ruin your own family.

4. @BetrayedDad: I don't disagree with your point, I think that since all of this occurs more on a spectrum, what you said and what I said are true. Would that it could be simplified, but we could each pick and post numerous replies from other threads to support our position.
I'll back out of this debate with you, too. Though, I won't give a long explanation before I do to offer more to debate. I can agree with more in this than your previous posts. Not that it matters. Happy holiday!

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post #33 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 01:32 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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Originally Posted by 2ntnuf View Post
You misunderstand. This is about who is to blame for the affair, not the demise of the marriage.
The question is "how do APs rationalise destroying a family?"
I attempted to answer it in my post. Hence,

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It ain't the OM who's destroying your marriage. Its your wife, who's willing to scheme, lie and pay out your family money in order to meet me.
As far as the demise of the marriage, its typically on life support before an affair begins. At least that's my observation. Moreover, having sex, booty call, or whatever you want to call it is only part of the purpose of an affair.
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post #34 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 01:37 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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I mean, I get that they're bad people for screwing a married person, but from an OM's perspective, because I'm male and not because I've ever been an OM, you could rationalise that in your head by thinking that she's in a bad marriage and has a ****ty husband, according to her proclamations.

but man, does it not occur to them that they are destroying those children's lives? even if the affair is never discovered, obviously the marriage will deteriorate even further as a result of one spouse being in love with someone outside of the marriage.

of course, if it is discovered, either divorce or reconciliation happens and both are equally horrible, because even if the couple reconciles, there will be so many violent fights about the affair and these will all happen in the children's presence or they will at least recognise that mommy and daddy are mad at each other.

idk what I'd have done prior to discovering websites like TAM and stuff, but if I met a vulnerable married woman now, no matter how hot she may be, I'd try to help her fix her marriage and give her husband another chance and go find a hot single girl to ****.

STUPID HOMEWRECKERS RUINING CHILDHOODS JUST FOR SOME WORTHLESS SEX!

p.s. I deleted my old thread because I thought it was a stupid topic and this one was better, sorry guys love you all.
The response I've heard from folks is usually "I'm not cheating, they are."

It's none of their business. They're not ruining someone's home, the married person who is cheating is.

Do you hear the people sing / Lost in the valley of the night?
It is the music of a people / Who are climbing to the light.
For the wretched of the earth / There is a flame that never dies.
Even the darkest night will end / And the sun will rise...
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post #35 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 01:43 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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Originally Posted by ThePheonix View Post
The question is "how do APs rationalise destroying a family?"
I attempted to answer it in my post.
My mistake. I must have read more than the title.

Quote:
Hence,



As far as the demise of the marriage, its typically on life support before an affair begins. At least that's my observation. Moreover, having sex, booty call, or whatever you want to call it is only part of the purpose of an affair.
This is somewhat different than your original post seemed to imply.

I agree that the demise of the marriage is usually there before the affair, minus the documents for legal divorce.

Now I'm curious. What do you believe are the other purposes for an affair?

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post #36 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 01:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

Regarding what ThePhoenix said about only unhappily married women cheating, sometimes there are exceptions. I'm sure you all know spaceghost0007? In any case, his wife truly was in love with him, but her boss was a rich, desperate mother****er who bought his way into her pants.

Sometimes there are OM who can manipulate even a happily married woman into cheating. Those are true *******s. In SG's case, his children were all grown, but regardless, they are still a family.

Another mind**** to me is how sometimes when a WW is caught, she starts repainting the relationship to look like it was all unicorns and rainbows and she was just a stupid ***** for cheating. That makes no sense. If you really are someone like that, then lock yourself at home and stay away from relationships.
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post #37 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 02:14 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

Selfish, shytty crotch monsters.

I have more respect for armpit fungus.
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post #38 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 03:00 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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Speaking from a male perspective, you can characterize the AP as a selfish SOB, but that's an over simplification. Everyone typically looks out for their self interest in most respects.
Please enlighten us to the complexities of the AP if saying they are selfish is oversimplified LOL. I'd love to know in what way sleeping with another man's wife ISN'T selfish. You realize self interest and selfishness are not the same thing.

I know you doubt it but some people do hold themselves to a higher moral standard. I'll agree with you that if it wasn't this guy it would be someone else anyway. Dirt bags are a dime a dozen. The WS is the betrayer whose is breaking their vows. APs are just there for the free lunch. Rational people understand this concept.

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post #39 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 03:24 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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Originally Posted by metallicaluvr View Post
Regarding what ThePhoenix said about only unhappily married women cheating, sometimes there are exceptions. I'm sure you all know spaceghost0007? In any case, his wife truly was in love with him, but her boss was a rich, desperate mother****er who bought his way into her pants.

Sometimes there are OM who can manipulate even a happily married woman into cheating. Those are true *******s. In SG's case, his children were all grown, but regardless, they are still a family.

Another mind**** to me is how sometimes when a WW is caught, she starts repainting the relationship to look like it was all unicorns and rainbows and she was just a stupid ***** for cheating. That makes no sense. If you really are someone like that, then lock yourself at home and stay away from relationships.
That is no better. I don't classify selling your ass to your rich boss to be an expression of love in any form.

Her actions show radical contempt for her husband and herself.
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post #40 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 06:03 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

Most men that cheat are doing it for the sex. They usually can have the sex without falling in love. Woman are not built that way but the man is thinking that she's like him. That they can have "fun" but they're not going to destroy their families.

Today's society has convinced women they are just like men, just different plumbing. Wrong. When a woman cheats, she's replacing her husband. Most times, they stop having sex with their husband so they can be true to their man. They start rewriting the marital history to justify destroying the marriage.

I've lost count of the number of threads I've read of WW posting their story on LS. It starts with, it's just sex and ends with divorce with a broken home for her kids. What's so disturbing reading these women's threads, is how all they can think about is the POSOM. Their former BH and their kids broken home don't phase them. Meanwhile, MM goes back to his BW with a new confidence that he's still got it and his wife gets drawn to this new man.
So no repercussions for the man, while the woman becomes a divorcee with kids .

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post #41 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 07:16 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

Some AP do NOT know the WS is married. They have been lied too.

About the "because even if the couple reconciles, there will be so many violent fights about the affair and these will all happen in the children's presence " - with grown ups, some thoughful thinking and goals, maybe therapy - there isn't VIOLENT FIGHTS.

So far, we haven't have any. I have not had the urge to beat up my WW, ever. Angry - yes. We sit down and talk in our 1 on 1 sessions or with counseling.

Screaming at each other like banshees doesn't fix anything.
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post #42 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 07:20 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

Many of them are narcissists, and narcissists lack empathy. They know right from wrong, they just don't care. The best way to deal with a narcissist, is to not deal with one.

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post #43 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 07:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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That is no better. I don't classify selling your ass to your rich boss to be an expression of love in any form.

Her actions show radical contempt for her husband and herself.
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Yup, she is just as horrible as he is. Don't worry, dude. God forbid, if I ever get cheated on, I swear on God's green Earth that I'll divorce her at the speed of light.

Last edited by metallicaluvr; 03-26-2016 at 12:01 AM. Reason: grammar
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post #44 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 07:53 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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Yup, she is just as horrible as him. Don't worry, dude. God forbid, if I ever get cheated on, I swear on God's green Earth that I'll divorce her at the speed of light.
Is SG on TAM?
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post #45 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 08:18 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

I think my Dad's AP wanted a meal ticket and that's how she justified sleeping with a married man. She thought my Dad was well off because he owned his own business and lived in a nice suburb. She was a thirty-ish, single mom. We were really just your average middle class family. My Dad's business had its good years and bad. She was so confident that my Dad would leave my Mom, that she knocked on our front door and confronted my mom and told her everything. My Dad dropped her liked a hot potato.
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