Many of them are narcissists, and narcissists lack empathy. They know right from wrong, they just don't care. The best way to deal with a narcissist, is to not deal with one.
A great majority of WS probably are narcs.
Narcs don't think like 'normal' decent human beings - the reason BS are stunned & mystified as to how WS could have had an A.
- Main trait is lack of empathy. They do have 'feelings'. . i.e. they feel lots of sympathy for themselves which they use to justify the A.
- They feel entitled which gives them another excuse for A.
- Remorse isn't part of their vocabulary which may explain why there are so few truly remorseful WS on TAM.
- They are liars. "I love you" to BS one minute & off to see AP in the next. And all the rest of the lies needed in an A. Easy.
- Doing R with a narc. . . probably explains why R is so difficult and takes years. . . and also why false R is so common.
Narcs seem to have all the traits needed to be able to have an A.
As far as AP & blame. . . I don't know how blame might be apportioned.
WS & AP belong to 'Tribe Narc' so they both find an A easy to do.
Neither of them care who gets stomped on, even if there are kids involved.
When there are kids, they still manage to find the time to have an A, to get what THEY want. The hell with everyone else.
If you think your WS is from Tribe Narc - run for the hills.