but man, does it not occur to them that they are destroying those children's lives? even if the affair is never discovered, obviously the marriage will deteriorate even further as a result of one spouse being in love with someone outside of the marriage.
The few OM's I've talked to or read their stories, they just don't even think the way you do.
1) If the woman is giving it up, they figure they may as well be the one to get the benefit. If not them, some other guy is going to bang her. So they choose to bang her.
2) It is the woman's choice, and all the responsibility falls on her. The OM made no promises to anybody not to f her. Whatever bad comes from this to her family is all on her, not on the OM.
3) They don't even think in terms of a marriage deteriorating due to her being distracted, etc. OMs don't think that deeply, not even about their own marriages/relationships.
4) If the affair is discovered, they know they will pretty much skate from any responsibility. In fact, within their circles it can even be a status increase to be known as a man who f's married women.
5) A big part of the thrill for the OM is getting one over on the BH. Even if BH doesn't know about the affair (and maybe especially if he doesn't know), the OM feels a surge of superiority and dominance over the BH. The serial OM may value this aspect almost as much as he values the sex.
These aren't my values or thought processes, but it is how some OMs think. Other OMs who perhaps are married and thinking the affair is real love may be as much in the fog as the WW. In that case they simply don't think they'll ever get caught, and thus they don't believe any damage is being done.