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post #61 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-26-2016, 05:58 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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I understand most want to distribute the responsibility, I think those betrayed that want to save the marriage find a certain amount of solace in the wayward only assigned half the blame. But to me is like robbing a bank. If two people do it they don't half the sentence they would if a single robber did it. Besides, how does it work if the WS was involved with two or three AP over a span of time? Is it distributed a third or a fourth to each?
In my mind, the cheating spouse is 100% responsible for their decision to cheat. They deserve all the credit if they reject the advance.
Interesting theory.


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post #62 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-26-2016, 06:00 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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The ones that do, and there are many, just don't want to jump out of the marriage into cold reality of having no one there for them. Its human nature. People don like to give anything up until they have a suitable replacement acquired. Most folks don't sell their houses, cars, etc., until they've bought another.
Never thought of my exwife as property.

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post #63 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-26-2016, 06:00 AM
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APs don't really care, so there's nothing for them to rationalize.
They will care when the POed hubby is standing over them with a blade and they are fixing to be made a steer. Which is only fitting, if they knew the woman was married.
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post #64 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-26-2016, 06:57 AM Thread Starter
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

You know, guys; as stupid as it sounds, to me it'd hurt less to be betrayed by a wife who screws around with multiple men rather than just one. Of course, I'd divorce either way because of that whole "another man has seen my wife naked and ****ed her" male ego stuff, but it's atleast soothing to know that she wasn't faithful to any of the AP's nor was she to her husband.

By this, I mean that sometimes when a WW is having a "monogamous" affair, she'll stop sleeping with her husband because it feels dirty to do so after being ****ed by her boyfriend a couple of hours earlier or some other nonsense like that, which to me feels like she's being "faithful" to the AP, and man that hurts so damn bad.

Last edited by metallicaluvr; 03-26-2016 at 07:02 AM. Reason: My stupid grammar
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post #65 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-26-2016, 07:23 AM Thread Starter
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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Is SG on TAM?
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No he isnt lol. Apparentky SI was the only forum he liked. Idk what made him say that, because for every guy there who "wishes he did what SG had done", i.e. serve divorce papers then get on a plane and go golfing in Florida like a freaking BOSS there are many who find him "weak" for not tolerating the immense amount of disrespect his wife showed him and reconciling like a miserable sap.

When I was on SI, there were times I'd read what these coward BH's would say and want to reach out through their computer screen and kick their nonexistant nuts, my GOD.
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post #66 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-26-2016, 08:26 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

I don't think AP's really rationalize much, except when they are a relative or friend of the BS. I feel like its easier for them disassociate themselves from the cheating spouses family if they have never met them. Even more so because most cheating spouses either never talk about their home life, or paint a bleak picture when they do, so in many cases the AP actually justifies it by telling themselves it was a dead marriage. I guess what I'm saying is, its the WS that does all the rationalizing, not the AP.
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post #67 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-26-2016, 08:27 AM
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Is SG on TAM?
Posted via Mobile Device
No he isnt lol. Apparentky SI was the only forum he liked. Idk what made him say that, because for every guy there who "wishes he did what SG had done", i.e. serve divorce papers then get on a plane and go golfing in Florida like a freaking BOSS there are many who find him "weak" for not tolerating the immense amount of disrespect his wife showed him and reconciling like a miserable sap.

When I was on SI, there were times I'd read what these coward BH's would say and want to reach out through their computer screen and kick their nonexistant nuts, my GOD.
Man! Tell me! I said something once about TAM and mods got pissed off. I did not know a WW was at the basis of SI. Makes sense why they push reconciliation and coddle WW in general. Most likely why I got banned from there, I guess....don't know.

I have been a parole officer for 16 yrs and supervise sex offenders. I had made a comment how cheaters are like sex offenders because they can not control their sexual urges and cause great emotional pain and duress to others because of the lack of control.

3 days later I was reading on the two posts that some were cross posting on from SI/TAM and all of a sudden I could not even pull up SI from my phone. I either pissed off the waywards or they thought I cross posted because I had same name on TAM.
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post #68 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-26-2016, 11:54 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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Originally Posted by ThePheonix View Post
The ones that do, and there are many, just don't want to jump out of the marriage into cold reality of having no one there for them. Its human nature. People don like to give anything up until they have a suitable replacement acquired. Most folks don't sell their houses, cars, etc., until they've bought another.
I would theorize that for both men and women, such behavior is higher among HD folks because they don't want to quick getting sex from their spouse until they have a new candidate lined up.

Among women, financial security is a big deal for many. Walk away wives are a familiar phenomenon. They'll not leave until they have a plan executed if they would be left in a far worse financial situation.
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post #69 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-26-2016, 10:12 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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but man, does it not occur to them that they are destroying those children's lives? even if the affair is never discovered, obviously the marriage will deteriorate even further as a result of one spouse being in love with someone outside of the marriage.
The few OM's I've talked to or read their stories, they just don't even think the way you do.

1) If the woman is giving it up, they figure they may as well be the one to get the benefit. If not them, some other guy is going to bang her. So they choose to bang her.

2) It is the woman's choice, and all the responsibility falls on her. The OM made no promises to anybody not to f her. Whatever bad comes from this to her family is all on her, not on the OM.

3) They don't even think in terms of a marriage deteriorating due to her being distracted, etc. OMs don't think that deeply, not even about their own marriages/relationships.

4) If the affair is discovered, they know they will pretty much skate from any responsibility. In fact, within their circles it can even be a status increase to be known as a man who f's married women.

5) A big part of the thrill for the OM is getting one over on the BH. Even if BH doesn't know about the affair (and maybe especially if he doesn't know), the OM feels a surge of superiority and dominance over the BH. The serial OM may value this aspect almost as much as he values the sex.

These aren't my values or thought processes, but it is how some OMs think. Other OMs who perhaps are married and thinking the affair is real love may be as much in the fog as the WW. In that case they simply don't think they'll ever get caught, and thus they don't believe any damage is being done.
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post #70 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-26-2016, 10:49 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

I truly do not understand why anyone is trying to rationalize or explain what AP's thinkk during an affair.

There would be no affair to talk about if the WW or WH was not screwing someone other than their spouse. It's difficult enough to try to sort that out.

Sounds similar to when the recently betrayed vent and fume at AP.

AP did not take vows to you.

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post #71 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-26-2016, 11:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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The few OM's I've talked to or read their stories, they just don't even think the way you do.

1) If the woman is giving it up, they figure they may as well be the one to get the benefit. If not them, some other guy is going to bang her. So they choose to bang her.

2) It is the woman's choice, and all the responsibility falls on her. The OM made no promises to anybody not to f her. Whatever bad comes from this to her family is all on her, not on the OM.

3) They don't even think in terms of a marriage deteriorating due to her being distracted, etc. OMs don't think that deeply, not even about their own marriages/relationships.

4) If the affair is discovered, they know they will pretty much skate from any responsibility. In fact, within their circles it can even be a status increase to be known as a man who f's married women.

5) A big part of the thrill for the OM is getting one over on the BH. Even if BH doesn't know about the affair (and maybe especially if he doesn't know), the OM feels a surge of superiority and dominance over the BH. The serial OM may value this aspect almost as much as he values the sex.

These aren't my values or thought processes, but it is how some OMs think. Other OMs who perhaps are married and thinking the affair is real love may be as much in the fog as the WW. In that case they simply don't think they'll ever get caught, and thus they don't believe any damage is being done.
That was truly disturbing to read, especially the part about establishing dominance. That's why I wonder how anyone can reconcile without atleast divorcing first .
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post #72 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-26-2016, 11:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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I truly do not understand why anyone is trying to rationalize or explain what AP's thinkk during an affair.

There would be no affair to talk about if the WW or WH was not screwing someone other than their spouse. It's difficult enough to try to sort that out.

Sounds similar to when the recently betrayed vent and fume at AP.

AP did not take vows to you.
Actually, now that I think about it, I really had those APs like NP5's and Walloped from SI's wives in mind, who were begging them to leave their husbands.

Okay, so you want to be a stepdad to their 5 children, huh? and even if you DO, do you have a golden d!ck or something that you want to make this woman take her kids away from their perfectly healthy, very much alive father? Narcs, selfish, whatever you want to call it. Ugh.
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post #73 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-27-2016, 03:02 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

Speaking of "golden ****s"...my old ladies AP's always came up short!

At the end of the day a punk is going to get a married chick cuz she is neglected and some tramp is going to tell the wife to take it up with the wayward husband when confronted.

My point is the POS that bang married spouses think its the betrayed's problem for not meeting a need.

The reality is one can be a perfect spouse and they still get screwed over by their wayward.

Granted my experience comes from folks that just want to phuck for the night but ya there is the other side of the coin were
a strong relationship comes out of the affair....like the affair that last a long time with just one AP. Either way the AP is going to brush it off on the betrayed to rationalize the destruction of another family unit.

Often what the AP fails to rationalize is the fact that they put their own family at risk...hence why exposure is most important and why we see AP throw the wayward under the bus to save their own M and even get offended when the betrayed threatens to confront the OMW/OWH.

Now think about that....how phucked up is (AP) to go screw someones spouse think the betrayed should have been around to meet the waywards need and none of this would have happened...but when shyt hits the fan and that same AP get expose by this betrayed spouse then it's a different story.
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post #74 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-27-2016, 07:30 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

The more in love the spouses are, the greater the challenge for some APs. They love to know they had what was thought to be locked up for only the husband. And, it's important to realize, women choose men, as has been stated. How much more does that boost the confidence of the AP.

It's obvious to me, the AP doesn't have much confidence, or he'd be finding someone who is compatible and dedicating his life, with her, to a marriage. In many cases, that just doesn't happen. If they are used for escape from feelings of love that the WS has, who is using who? The husband already knows he is in trouble in the relationship, even if he doesn't want to admit it.

The AP gets nothing, usually, but a sobbing mess of a woman who needs catered to, rather than the strong woman the BS married. What is given is done out of desperation in many instances, rather than love. Love chemicals come into play, but obviously are only bonding two who aren't usually compatible. Look at the number of successful versus unsuccessful long term relationships that spring out of affairs.

I've often wondered if she doesn't do all the wild sex things because she can't get the BS out of her mind and must degrade herself even further with the AP to feel like she is justified in tearing apart her family and/or marriage.

What most APs in this thread are saying is that he is a dupe who can't get a good woman to stay with him, because she's too smart for his tricks.

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post #75 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-27-2016, 08:25 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

AP rationalizing/concerned for Family? Any thoughts in that direction went bye-bye when the panties hit the floor.

Seriously... family matters are the last thing Cheaters want to deal with.

I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living or get busy dying... Andy, Shawshank Redemption.
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