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post #76 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-27-2016, 08:36 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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now that it's my thread, I don't have to care about threadjacking.

Gus, you're cool because of your similar taste in music with me, but is that guy in your profile pic you? because: 1) he looks really funny and 2)he needs to lose some serious weight.
LOL.

I'll answer, but first I'd like to ask you a couple of questions...

1. How old are you?

2. Have you never seen "Home Alone"?
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Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #77 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-27-2016, 10:06 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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That was truly disturbing to read, especially the part about establishing dominance. That's why I wonder how anyone can reconcile without atleast divorcing first .
Somewhere on this forum is a post by one of those serial OMs. It gets far more disturbing than what I posted. Things like telling the woman he had a vasectomy so they would have unprotected sex. If she gets pregnant he denies it could be his, and anyhow the poor schlub husband is going to get stuck with the kid anyway. Stuff like that.

These predatory OMs really are low life dirtbags. Too bad modern sensibilities and legal systems don't allow for justice.
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post #78 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-27-2016, 11:55 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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Somewhere on this forum is a post by one of those serial OMs. It gets far more disturbing than what I posted. Things like telling the woman he had a vasectomy so they would have unprotected sex. If she gets pregnant he denies it could be his, and anyhow the poor schlub husband is going to get stuck with the kid anyway. Stuff like that.

These predatory OMs really are low life dirtbags. Too bad modern sensibilities and legal systems don't allow for justice.
I've read that post a few times in different threads. It is indeed as disturbing as you say. But I have always questioned if its real or not. I say this because I've known a lot of men that serially cheat on their wives. I wouldn't say that any of them specifically target married women, or put much effort into trying to turn a good woman bad. A few I know have slept with married women, but it didn't take much convincing on their part.

These guys aren't players or pick up artists. If we're talking serial cheaters. They're bottom feeders that really only care about one thing, and they don't want to put in a whole lot of effort to get it.
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post #79 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-27-2016, 01:05 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

Intellectually, I get that it was my ex-husband who broke his vows to me, not the OW, and it is he who should have 100% of the blame and my wrath. I once told my own mother the same thing, when she finally told me the real reason my Dad left her when I was four years old and my brothers were 9 and 10 - for another woman - and how when she discovered her in his apartment about a month after he moved out, she snapped and nearly beat her to death with her white wicker purse.

But here's the thing. This OW rushed him into separating from me, divorcing me, and moving her in with him - he has since told me she gave him an ultimatum in each case. We were married for 25 years and had a 13-year-old son (who's now 14) at the time they started their affair. He's since told me that he didn't lie to her and tell her we were already separated or divorced or that the marriage was dead - she knew we still lived together and had a decent relationship. When I told my now ex last year that I didn't want our son to be exposed to such a person, he said "She'll be on her best behavior with him - she's a mother, too, and to her, the children come first."

No. I'm pretty sure she does. Figuratively and literally.

Can you really blame me for hating this woman with the fire of a thousand suns?

I do blame my ex the most. But it's like the statement "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." The guns help, don't they? Without another person ready and willing to help a WS betray his or her spouse, there would be no betrayal.
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post #80 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-27-2016, 01:07 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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4) If the affair is discovered, they know they will pretty much skate from any responsibility. In fact, within their circles it can even be a status increase to be known as a man who f's married women.

5) A big part of the thrill for the OM is getting one over on the BH. Even if BH doesn't know about the affair (and maybe especially if he doesn't know), the OM feels a surge of superiority and dominance over the BH. The serial OM may value this aspect almost as much as he values the sex.
The OM in my situation was very much this way, it was all about the power trip and dominance of taking someone's wife. In his head he was "more manly" than anyone and stealing a wife proved it. He reveled in the self induced ego trip of holding that over some guys head much more than the sex he got.

He also had this twisted justification that all women are evil and liars and he shows men just how terrible women are by doing this. He didn't help blow up a family, he exposed the evil heartless women for there true selves or some such nonensense.

He knows at the end he will face no responsibility, he may get beat up, it's happened before and will again but he doesn't care. He is known for what he is in this town and his bad reputation seems to bring him more conquests. He always has one or more married women going on.

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post #81 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-27-2016, 01:40 PM Thread Starter
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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LOL.

I'll answer, but first I'd like to ask you a couple of questions...

1. How old are you?

2. Have you never seen "Home Alone"?
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1) I'm 18, like the Hangar. Did you get the reference? And 2) Yeah, but never all the way through.
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post #82 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-27-2016, 01:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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The OM in my situation was very much this way, it was all about the power trip and dominance of taking someone's wife. In his head he was "more manly" than anyone and stealing a wife proved it. He reveled in the self induced ego trip of holding that over some guys head much more than the sex he got.

He also had this twisted justification that all women are evil and liars and he shows men just how terrible women are by doing this. He didn't help blow up a family, he exposed the evil heartless women for there true selves or some such nonensense.

He knows at the end he will face no responsibility, he may get beat up, it's happened before and will again but he doesn't care. He is known for what he is in this town and his bad reputation seems to bring him more conquests. He always has one or more married women going on.
Dude, please tell me you atleast divorced your wife before reconciling with her?

To me, even an EA would be a dealbreaker but man, once she gives her body to him, the wedding vows are down the drain, the marriage is dead and she has no right to call herself a wife.

You know what REALLY pisses me off? When these cheaters, after getting caught, say, "I had no intention of leaving my spouse." oh, really? And where the **** did you come up with the logic that falling in love with someone else and giving yourself to them did not equate to leaving your spouse?!
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post #83 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-27-2016, 02:26 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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LOL.

I'll answer, but first I'd like to ask you a couple of questions...

1. How old are you?

2. Have you never seen "Home Alone"?
Posted via Mobile Device
This is the only Macaulay Culkin my kids have known:

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post #84 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-27-2016, 04:12 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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I don't get it either, I am dealing with it right now. With a coworker she used to hate, no less!!!
With a co-worker she said she used to hate, surely?

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post #85 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-27-2016, 04:14 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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Any number of reasons but primarily they are using affairs to transition out of a marriage that is not satisfying or they a lonely and feel ignored. You can draw a certain inference on this site because many BHs continue to deny there was a problem in their marriage. The title of this thread demonstrates how a betrayed wants to place the blame outside their own partnership.
Few women get involved in affairs without giving it considerable thought and less likely to just fall into it. (unless they got hit on by Brad Pitt) A number of wayward wives who claim to love their husbands are really in love with being married. If you drill down, you see it.




Why does it matter if the OM is a selfish SOB if its your wife that's laying down with him? Yes, he's concerned with his own pleasure but that a little like blaming the profit hungry casino owners when some cat walks in and loses all his grocery money. It still goes that the wayward is responsible for the damage to their own marriage.
IMO, you are correct that many cheating women are dissatisfied in their marriages.
However, itt also appears to me that these women have been socialized to not take responsibility for their own happiness and have unrealistic expectations of what tbeir spouse can do for them in that regard.

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post #86 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-27-2016, 04:18 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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Somewhere on this forum is a post by one of those serial OMs. It gets far more disturbing than what I posted. Things like telling the woman he had a vasectomy so they would have unprotected sex. If she gets pregnant he denies it could be his, and anyhow the poor schlub husband is going to get stuck with the kid anyway. Stuff like that.

These predatory OMs really are low life dirtbags. Too bad modern sensibilities and legal systems don't allow for justice.
Just imagine, a woman blaming her husband for her unhappiness.

Who would have thunk it?
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post #87 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-27-2016, 04:23 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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Dude, please tell me you atleast divorced your wife before reconciling with her?

To me, even an EA would be a dealbreaker but man, once she gives her body to him, the wedding vows are down the drain, the marriage is dead and she has no right to call herself a wife.

You know what REALLY pisses me off? When these cheaters, after getting caught, say, "I had no intention of leaving my spouse." oh, really? And where the **** did you come up with the logic that falling in love with someone else and giving yourself to them did not equate to leaving your spouse?!
This is a a fantastic question.

You do realize that the television, radio, music videos, and every aspect of our current popular culture encourages this behavior.

But, it's even worse than that.

If someone was to ask you what are the chief components of male vice, we'd all know the answer. Sex and violence.

Guys that can't keep it zipped up. Fighting instead of talking and communicating, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I have a direct question for you.

What are the chief components of female vice?

If you were to listen to our popular culture, women are blameless and have no issues. It's just men that screw it up.

Do you believe that?
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post #88 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-27-2016, 04:32 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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Yeah, why be an accessory to destroying a family though? YKWIM? if the WS is the gun, why be the bullet?

You can do two things when a hot married woman wants to **** you: 1) **** her or 2) try to drive some sense into her head.
There is a 3rd option. Just don't interact with her.

trying to drive sense into someone's head often leads to an affair. It's not the potential OM's responsibility to interfere in the marriage of the potential female affair partner... the more person their conversations are about her marriage, the more likely a bond will build and it will become an EA that turns into a PA.

#2 is a really bad idea.

Just tell her "I'm not interested in being partner to destroying your marriage. Leave me alone."

End of interaction.
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post #89 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-27-2016, 05:00 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

The White Knight has just woken up to the fact that the damsel in distress he thought he was rescuing from an evil ogre was actually a married women with three children.

And once the White Knight got to meet him, he found out that the ogre was her husband and a really nice chap.

And the White Knight thought

But by then, it was all too damn late.

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post #90 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-27-2016, 05:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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This is a a fantastic question.

You do realize that the television, radio, music videos, and every aspect of our current popular culture encourages this behavior.

But, it's even worse than that.

If someone was to ask you what are the chief components of male vice, we'd all know the answer. Sex and violence.

Guys that can't keep it zipped up. Fighting instead of talking and communicating, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I have a direct question for you.

What are the chief components of female vice?

If you were to listen to our popular culture, women are blameless and have no issues. It's just men that screw it up.

Do you believe that?
No dude, that's some hogwash that websites like MarriageBuilders come up with. The owner of that site, whatever his ****ing name is, shared a letter where this guy talked about how his wife one day walks up to him, tells him his two-year-old daughter is actually a product of an affair she had, and walked away. And he was advised to reconcile because she "went NC with the AP." DUDE! I'd like to see him raise another man's love child just because his wife doesn't talk to the father anymore...

Anyway, my point is that I don't discriminate between genders for anything. A WH is no better or worse than a WW to me, and on a side-note, as I like 80's and 90's metal bands, I was once yelled at by my principal for having long hair. It is my biggest regret that I didn't point at a random girl and say, "why does she get to have long hair and not me? because I'm a boy? who says boys can't have long hair? Is it written somewhere in a book?" grr...
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