how do APs rationalise destroying a family? - Page 8 - Talk About Marriage
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post #106 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-28-2016, 08:00 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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Originally Posted by ThePheonix View Post
Its aggravating not as perplexing as it appears. Its "womanese" for giving you an assignment you cannot possible accomplish because failure will prove she's right about you. You have to remember that a woman's actions come after the blueprint is well thought out. (including the supposedly impulsive ONS. The partner may be random, but she has already fabricated such a liaison in her mind.)
Yes sir.

Females are experts at this type of low-level conflict and conspiracy.

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post #107 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-28-2016, 09:35 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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he said "She'll be on her best behavior with him - she's a mother, too, and to her, the children come first."

No. I'm pretty sure she does. Figuratively and literally.

Can you really blame me for hating this woman with the fire of a thousand suns?

I do blame my ex the most. But it's like the statement "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." The guns help, don't they? Without another person ready and willing to help a WS betray his or her spouse, there would be no betrayal.
Your ex's GF is a low-life human being. Mother or not.

Our SO's should have our backs. But AP are still part of the equation. Some are serial players (who are single). Breaking up a family to be with someone else is always the chicken-poop "easy way" out. And to be actively breaking up a family - makes that person a selfish turd.

BTW, some AP may not be aware they are in an affair. That does happen.
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post #108 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-28-2016, 09:48 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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I do not know if predator accurately describes these people. After all,their " prey" are willing participants,equally motivated to engage,unlike true prey.
They are *******s,no doubt. But,IMO, not predators.
Many Co-worker affairs are accidents, weak human nature. But yes, there are sexual predators that do bad things (rape/molesters) and there are player predators who go fishing... to get laid. Some will stick to single women, some won't care what kind of of women and others want to target married ones.

Sorry, but women are easily played (and us guys, in different ways). Its a matter of the right key at the right time.


PS: Iv'e read that post by a AP predator. It was sickening.
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post #109 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-28-2016, 01:18 PM Thread Starter
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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Many Co-worker affairs are accidents, weak human nature. But yes, there are sexual predators that do bad things (rape/molesters) and there are player predators who go fishing... to get laid. Some will stick to single women, some won't care what kind of of women and others want to target married ones.

Sorry, but women are easily played (and us guys, in different ways). Its a matter of the right key at the right time.


PS: Iv'e read that post by a AP predator. It was sickening.
I've always said that I don't understand how the hell people manage to get into relationships at their place of work, let alone extramarital affairs lol. Why can't they just do their job and go home?

I just got out of high school and I tell ya, all I did every day was talk to people of both sexes, sleep through lectures and go home. I have no idea how other guys just as good-looking and intelligent as I am managed to date half the school in the same time-frame...

P.s. how does one get into an affair by, in your words, "accident"?
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post #110 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-28-2016, 03:08 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

By interacting with people. How do YOU make friends metallicaluvr?

I meet my future wife, we started talking, we danced, we kissed, we had sex, etc, etc.

Are you aware how medication, alcohol, drugs and experiences can effect a person? People you meet or know, somehow you like some better than others, right?

So working long hours with a co-worker, then spending innocent time after work or whatever can develop into an EA then an AP.

I'm not going to reply with a lot more, but read the book "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass

There are lots of articles on the web about how affairs start and books at the library. I don't have any handy at this moment. But here is a start: http://www.yoursocialworker.com/s-ar.../no-affair.htm

Starting a FRIEND relationship at work is how it starts. 85% of todays affairs are from work. Even many legit relationships happen at the place of work.

Last edited by TaDor; 03-28-2016 at 03:13 PM.
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post #111 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-28-2016, 07:17 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

I managed to meet my real father recently. I won't go into the details of it all, but I got to talk to him, and asked him similar questions.

He told me that he didn't feel responsible because he isn't married. The married person messing around is responsible.
When I pointed out he didn't have to have sex with married people, he said something along the lines of: if a married person wants to have an affair, they're going to have one. And if they're going to have sex, might as well be with him than with someone else.


Then when I brought up pregnancy and affairs, and myself, he just laughed and said he won the lottery.
He just had to squirt me out, and some other sucker had to pay and raise me.
And again, said it wasn't his fault. If a married person wants to cheat and be irresponsible, he can't stop them. Might as well be sure you're the one having sex.

I loathe having that man as my father.
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post #112 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-28-2016, 08:07 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

Wow, what a low-life scum of the earth. Be thankful he didn't bring you up.

It should be easy for you to be a better MAN than he'll ever be.
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post #113 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-28-2016, 08:24 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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Originally Posted by Broken at 20 View Post
I managed to meet my real father recently. I won't go into the details of it all, but I got to talk to him, and asked him similar questions.

He told me that he didn't feel responsible because he isn't married. The married person messing around is responsible.
When I pointed out he didn't have to have sex with married people, he said something along the lines of: if a married person wants to have an affair, they're going to have one. And if they're going to have sex, might as well be with him than with someone else.


Then when I brought up pregnancy and affairs, and myself, he just laughed and said he won the lottery.
He just had to squirt me out, and some other sucker had to pay and raise me.
And again, said it wasn't his fault. If a married person wants to cheat and be irresponsible, he can't stop them. Might as well be sure you're the one having sex.

I loathe having that man as my father.
Just when I thought I had seen it all.

Damn, 20.

I'd be up on charges for assault and battery with intent to kill if I were in your shoes. I really would.

Good God, I feel so bad for you, but don't let that POS define you. You're better than that. I think I can speak for everyone here on that one.

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. -Mark Twain

For the lips of an adulteress drip honey and smoother than oil is her speech. -Proverbs 5:3
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post #114 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-28-2016, 08:36 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
They just don't care about anyone other than themselves.

Don't overcomplicate it. Many people are just straight up heartless.

APs are just the tool. The WS's are the home wreckers. Accept that.
One of my favorite quotes is from the novel The Killer Angels by Michael Shaara.

"There are a lot of men no more useful than a dead dog."

This is forever how I will view a 'man' who is willing to slink around with other men's wives and destroy their M's and the children's families.

And the same is equally true for OW....no gender distinctions with this crapfest called infidelity.

And I also agree....the WS is equally disgusting.

Those who engage in A's are easily among the most despicable of human beings.

Marriage may have major issues and be bad.....but NOTHING excuses becoming a traitor....or the willing accomplice of a traitor.

Horrible people all around.
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post #115 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-28-2016, 09:05 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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Originally Posted by TaDor View Post
Many Co-worker affairs are accidents, weak human nature. But yes, there are sexual predators that do bad things (rape/molesters) and there are player predators who go fishing... to get laid. Some will stick to single women, some won't care what kind of of women and others want to target married ones.

Sorry, but women are easily played (and us guys, in different ways). Its a matter of the right key at the right time.


PS: Iv'e read that post by a AP predator. It was sickening.
No,they are never accidents and women with integrity are not easily played.

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post #116 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-28-2016, 09:09 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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By interacting with people. How do YOU make friends metallicaluvr?

I meet my future wife, we started talking, we danced, we kissed, we had sex, etc, etc.

Are you aware how medication, alcohol, drugs and experiences can effect a person? People you meet or know, somehow you like some better than others, right?

So working long hours with a co-worker, then spending innocent time after work or whatever can develop into an EA then an AP.

I'm not going to reply with a lot more, but read the book "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass

There are lots of articles on the web about how affairs start and books at the library. I don't have any handy at this moment. But here is a start: Your Social Worker - Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

Starting a FRIEND relationship at work is how it starts. 85% of todays affairs are from work. Even many legit relationships happen at the place of work.
That may be true,but to characterize work place affairs as accidents is absurd.
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post #117 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-28-2016, 09:16 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

I think most of the AP's have the attitude Kivlor mentioned.

"I'm not cheating, they are.".....they do not know the BS or the family so could care less.

This view is all bullsh*t IMO though.

We live in a society based on the Social Contract theory.

In a state of nature, it is every person for themselves and watch your own back. But, in a civil society, I DO owe other people the duty of not injuring them if they have done nothing to me first.

This, "I owe them nothing" attitude can be used to explain away a lot of crappy behavior.....for example, you mean nothing to me, so why wouldn't I rob you or steal your property?

The major feeling of injustice as far as infidelity is concerned is that society has totally abandoned the concept of justice for the person who has been wronged.

If you steal from me....you will be held accountable for it if caught.

You f*ck my W.....nothing.

And its far worse in recent decades.....used to be that at least a BS could go administer some 'justice' or payback of their own....even if society would do nothing about it.

Now....POSOM's go running to the cops begging for protection the instant a BH comes looking for them.

Ironically, they want the protections of the Social Contract from the same person they just screwed over, and who the system denies any justice for.

It's a pretty sh*tty situation IMO.
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post #118 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-28-2016, 09:33 PM Thread Starter
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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By interacting with people. How do YOU make friends metallicaluvr?

I meet my future wife, we started talking, we danced, we kissed, we had sex, etc, etc.

Are you aware how medication, alcohol, drugs and experiences can effect a person? People you meet or know, somehow you like some better than others, right?

So working long hours with a co-worker, then spending innocent time after work or whatever can develop into an EA then an AP.

I'm not going to reply with a lot more, but read the book "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass

There are lots of articles on the web about how affairs start and books at the library. I don't have any handy at this moment. But here is a start: Your Social Worker - Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

Starting a FRIEND relationship at work is how it starts. 85% of todays affairs are from work. Even many legit relationships happen at the place of work.
Yeah, my mom told me the same thing: you work long hours with someone of the opposite sex, you end up developing feelings for them. Hmm, I wonder if I'll get into any relationships at work before I get married...

And yeah, thanks. i'll check the books out.
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post #119 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-28-2016, 09:35 PM Thread Starter
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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I managed to meet my real father recently. I won't go into the details of it all, but I got to talk to him, and asked him similar questions.

He told me that he didn't feel responsible because he isn't married. The married person messing around is responsible.
When I pointed out he didn't have to have sex with married people, he said something along the lines of: if a married person wants to have an affair, they're going to have one. And if they're going to have sex, might as well be with him than with someone else.


Then when I brought up pregnancy and affairs, and myself, he just laughed and said he won the lottery.
He just had to squirt me out, and some other sucker had to pay and raise me.
And again, said it wasn't his fault. If a married person wants to cheat and be irresponsible, he can't stop them. Might as well be sure you're the one having sex.

I loathe having that man as my father.
If I were you, I'd have chopped his **** off right then and there.
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post #120 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-28-2016, 09:45 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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If I were you, I'd have chopped his **** off right then and there.
Yep....that man is a completely useless excuse for a human being.

There are some people that, if they suddenly dropped dead, the world would be a much better place.

He sounds like one of them.

Broken at 20,

The fact that you are a decent person (which of course has ZERO to do with his input other than being a sperm donor) might be the only positive thing that disgusting man may ever leave behind him once he shuffles off this rock.

Like metal,

I too would have probably smashed him in his mouth when he laughed about having another man raise his kid......

probably wouldn't have been worth the price, but da*n would I have felt better for a moment.
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