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post #121 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 07:10 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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Originally Posted by Broken at 20 View Post
I managed to meet my real father recently. I won't go into the details of it all, but I got to talk to him, and asked him similar questions.

He told me that he didn't feel responsible because he isn't married. The married person messing around is responsible.
When I pointed out he didn't have to have sex with married people, he said something along the lines of: if a married person wants to have an affair, they're going to have one. And if they're going to have sex, might as well be with him than with someone else.


Then when I brought up pregnancy and affairs, and myself, he just laughed and said he won the lottery.
He just had to squirt me out, and some other sucker had to pay and raise me.
And again, said it wasn't his fault. If a married person wants to cheat and be irresponsible, he can't stop them. Might as well be sure you're the one having sex.

I loathe having that man as my father.
I'm so sorry. That must have been devastating. My niece had a similar situation. She just views her biological father as a sperm donor. It sounds like you won the lottery, as you avoided inheriting any of his terrible narcissism and selfishness and weren't raised by this waste of space.

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post #122 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 07:14 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

OP I gotta say I agree with a lot of the posters that many APs probably don't think about it at all if they don't know the BS. One of my exH's ladies turned out to be an old college buddy who he had once been in love with. When they started seeing each other they tried to "help me out" by having her try and be my friend. While they were banging each other. I saw through her personality and avoided her as much as possible. For some reason I had always disliked her, but tried to get along with her as I knew exH was her friend. Pity I didn't see that they were together earlier. I never confronted her really. But I would bet that she would come up with all sorts of rationales why it was ok. I think at one point they went to church together.
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post #123 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 08:17 AM Thread Starter
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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OP I gotta say I agree with a lot of the posters that many APs probably don't think about it at all if they don't know the BS. One of my exH's ladies turned out to be an old college buddy who he had once been in love with. When they started seeing each other they tried to "help me out" by having her try and be my friend. While they were banging each other. I saw through her personality and avoided her as much as possible. For some reason I had always disliked her, but tried to get along with her as I knew exH was her friend. Pity I didn't see that they were together earlier. I never confronted her really. But I would bet that she would come up with all sorts of rationales why it was ok. I think at one point they went to church together.
i'm glad to know that he is your EX-husband. Atleast you have enough self-respect to not put up with his **** instead of whining that, "my WS did so and so" to everyone, then staying with them. oh, for ****'s sake!
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post #124 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 10:28 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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i'm glad to know that he is your EX-husband. Atleast you have enough self-respect to not put up with his **** instead of whining that, "my WS did so and so" to everyone, then staying with them. oh, for ****'s sake!
That's a little harsh. Granted, actually remorseful WS are in the minority on TAM but they do exist, and some even have an awareness of the enormous gift their BS gives them if they consider reconciliation. One or two have offered great insight on this forum.

There is a bit of a tendency to demonize APs on TAM and although obviously an affair can't happen without them, the WS is the one betraying their marriage vows, so in my mind they are just as culpable. Maybe even more so, as they know their kids and spouse, so they go into an affair knowing full well who it will effect. I do think APs can be enormously selfish and short-sighted but it those are not qualities that belong to the APs alone.
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post #125 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 02:20 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

Makes me nauseated to see any AP defended. Some don't know. Most do. It isn't something the spouse tripped and fell on or into.

It was planned, even when it seems like a ONS. Someone planned to see if that man or woman was interested in sex. They talked with them enough in depth that they made a good impression on them and figured they were safe enough to let themselves be vulnerable with them. None of it is an accident. None. There is always a plan of some sort, even if it's just a PUA plan.

Anything else, is rape.

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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post #126 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-30-2016, 12:57 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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No,they are never accidents and women with integrity are not easily played.
(and)
That may be true,but to characterize work place affairs as accidents is absurd.
You and others keep telling yourself that - and you end up having an affair or your SO.

Sorry Maxo, but its easy to PLAY women than you think. Want to get laid? Go to a bar or club on Valentines... I've had sex with a woman within 5 minutes of meeting her. "you wanna F?" Worst 5 mins of sex of my life. bwhahaha. I didn't play her, I asked a direct question.

But if you bother learning anything about players, yeah - the tactics do work. Not all of the time. But enough.

There is a difference in someone LOOKING to get sex from another person (this is a sexual affair - usually players, even at work place) and the accidental - from working long hours and building a bonding relationship. You see it with companies all the time "relationship building" or "team building"... when your spouse spends 8~10 works working with someone - then comes home and spends 2~4 hours before going to sleep... hmmm. Same thing with teen kids in school.
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post #127 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-30-2016, 01:06 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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You and others keep telling yourself that - and you end up having an affair or your SO.

Sorry Maxo, but its easy to PLAY women than you think. Want to get laid? Go to a bar or club on Valentines... I've had sex with a woman within 5 minutes of meeting her. "you wanna F?" Worst 5 mins of sex of my life. bwhahaha. I didn't play her, I asked a direct question.

But if you bother learning anything about players, yeah - the tactics do work. Not all of the time. But enough.

There is a difference in someone LOOKING to get sex from another person (this is a sexual affair - usually players, even at work place) and the accidental - from working long hours and building a bonding relationship. You see it with companies all the time "relationship building" or "team building"... when your spouse spends 8~10 works working with someone - then comes home and spends 2~4 hours before going to sleep... hmmm. Same thing with teen kids in school.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #128 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-30-2016, 01:08 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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You and others keep telling yourself that - and you end up having an affair or your SO.

Sorry Maxo, but its easy to PLAY women than you think. Want to get laid? Go to a bar or club on Valentines... I've had sex with a woman within 5 minutes of meeting her. "you wanna F?" Worst 5 mins of sex of my life. bwhahaha. I didn't play her, I asked a direct question.

But if you bother learning anything about players, yeah - the tactics do work. Not all of the time. But enough.

There is a difference in someone LOOKING to get sex from another person (this is a sexual affair - usually players, even at work place) and the accidental - from working long hours and building a bonding relationship. You see it with companies all the time "relationship building" or "team building"... when your spouse spends 8~10 works working with someone - then comes home and spends 2~4 hours before going to sleep... hmmm. Same thing with teen kids in school.
We will have to agree to disagree. I think it is an absurd notion that affairs happen accidentally. Just too many conscious decisions are made. There is always intent.
As for playing women,it is not playing anyone if thdy were already desirous of having sex. You cannot make a person with a decent amount of integrity cheat. But,I imagine it is easy if the person is lacking in character.
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post #129 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-30-2016, 02:25 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

@ both of you: Like the post from a POSOM player - who goes out of his way to have sex with married women - he plays them, makes them feel like goddess. Then dumps them without a thought when he gets bored or it becomes a problem with her husband. Then you have the usual co-worker affairs : Friendship > EA > PA > broken relationship with BS.

People tend to act on their feelings. We're all rather stupid to some degree or another. And sorry ladies - you tend to fall in love with words more than actions. I've had a tough time try to explain to an 18yr relative that she is being played with "love letters" from a guy in prison that she dated short while when she was 16. She's read them to me and I would barf. I even had her talk with a good friend of mine who is an ex-con (minor situation - but still got jail over something he didn't do) - and he's seen it all and even he tried to explain to her the tactics. But SHE IS IN LOVE! Even thou he won't be out for another 3 years... she'll wait for him What stupid nonsense. Geez, I pointed out that she was already being mentally abused when she was worried about him yelling at her because she did something wrong or late. WTF?! Finally got her parents involved and the prison to break contact, etc - etc.

Then soon after, my wife falls for some of the same stupid crap with text messages on her cell-phone with a co-worker. How they will have a great life together and nobody understands them - garbage. When it was nothing more then drunk fog and affair fog. Once reality punched her in the gut, is when she finally saw the affair and the POSOM for what he is. He didn't care about her - just about what he can get. Now mind you - a month before my wife's affair started - there were no real signs to me there was something bothering my wife. We were good, we hung out - we partied, we had fun - we traveled on a vaction, etc. In a matter of weeks, things started changing. She even told a friend that I wasn't fun anymore because we were leaving a party. When in fact - it wasn't true, we were leaving because everyone else was tired and the OM was passed out. Her mind was starting to re-write history.

Even the best marriages, religion, money, whatever - can be brought down with an unplanned co-worker affair. Its a weakness yes... and it still blows chunks.

Oh, Maxo - my wife doesn't know exactly when the affair started. I think its because she felt sorry for the POSM (as did I - thinking he needed help) - but I told her that SHE knew she was doing wrong and broke our relationship the moment she decided to put a password on her phone, which was a week or so later that I found that out when I tried to use it in an honest way and soon after that when the poop hit the fan. Yeah, we have lots of therapy to do.

Last edited by TaDor; 03-30-2016 at 02:33 AM.
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post #130 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-30-2016, 07:17 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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Sorry Maxo, but its easy to PLAY women than you think. Want to get laid? Go to a bar or club on Valentines... I've had sex with a woman within 5 minutes of meeting her. "you wanna F?" Worst 5 mins of sex of my life. bwhahaha. I didn't play her, I asked a direct question.
I disagree with this. Women are not easily played. I think you're confusing picking up someone easily with being a player. In pretty much every instance I was able to get someone in bed on the first day, it wasn't because I was the "man". It was honestly because that particular woman was, how should I put it, "free spirited". In other words there was nothing special about me. And in all cases I definitely was not their first ONS. There are a lot of woman that are just like men these days. I guess that's why I'm scratching my head when I read posts about players that target married women. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I guess I just don't get the point of it. Plenty of other ponds to fish from.

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post #131 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-31-2016, 09:30 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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I am referring to serial OMs, who may be married but probably are usually single. They prey on married women.

My wife's ex-bf assclown is one such predator. He specifically targets married women. He is now divorced. He was a predator before he was married, and he is a predator now he is divorced. I presume he targeted married women while he was married, too.

The married guy who likes to screw other women whether or not they are married is a different kind of cheater than the type I was referring to.
My wife's first OM was exactly this type. A school principal that made a career bedding "his" female faculty. I know for Certain 4 at one school including my wife. Strange... They all new his game even talked about it together. Finally f--ked wrong man's wife and was fired run out of system.
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post #132 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-31-2016, 10:17 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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My wife's first OM was exactly this type. A school principal that made a career bedding "his" female faculty. I know for Certain 4 at one school including my wife. Strange... They all new his game even talked about it together. Finally f--ked wrong man's wife and was fired run out of system.
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For some reason women flock to these sorts of men. My wife's ex-bf is one of these guys, and his social media is over run with women looking for his attention.

When we were first married and in our 20's, I remember being at a social event with her home town crowd. This guy wasn't there, but all the women were talking about him and his exploits. They were giddy while talking about how he bedded a new girl every Friday and Saturday, and how he especially liked the married women.

Supposedly this kind of man would be a "creep" that all women would be repulsed by, if we were to listen to what women and pop culture tell us. Yet he was lusted after by the women, and a hero to the (unmarried) men.
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post #133 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-31-2016, 10:25 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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For some reason women flock to these sorts of men. My wife's ex-bf is one of these guys, and his social media is over run with women looking for his attention.

When we were first married and in our 20's, I remember being at a social event with her home town crowd. This guy wasn't there, but all the women were talking about him and his exploits. They were giddy while talking about how he bedded a new girl every Friday and Saturday, and how he especially liked the married women.

Supposedly this kind of man would be a "creep" that all women would be repulsed by, if we were to listen to what women and pop culture tell us. Yet he was lusted after by the women, and a hero to the (unmarried) men.
This is called "pre-selection".

Don't listen to what they say; watch what they do. The same caution applies to men as well, of course: words are cheap, actions are more reliable as a guide.

Always remember the LD motto: "Sex isn't important!!!"
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post #134 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-31-2016, 10:28 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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There are a lot of woman that are just like men these days. I guess that's why I'm scratching my head when I read posts about players that target married women. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I guess I just don't get the point of it. Plenty of other ponds to fish from.
There are plenty of advantages to this approach (not that I'm approving it, of course):

1. They are very unlikely to try to snare the guy into marriage.
2. They are not very likely to have an STD.
3. If they get pregnant there is a "designated sucker" to pay to raise the child.

and several other things that I forget but that are covered in the "married women are the best targets" post made by a "professional AP" that I've seen here somewhere. I'll see if I can locate it and repost it.

ETA: Here it is: Another player confession!!

Always remember the LD motto: "Sex isn't important!!!"

Last edited by tech-novelist; 03-31-2016 at 10:54 AM.
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post #135 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-31-2016, 04:39 PM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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Broken at 20,

The fact that you are a decent person (which of course has ZERO to do with his input other than being a sperm donor) might be the only positive thing that disgusting man may ever leave behind him once he shuffles off this rock.
I'm not a decent person. And I fully admit to that. But I also know the karma bus has run him over, and will likely back up a few times before it leaves the station.

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When we were first married and in our 20's, I remember being at a social event with her home town crowd. This guy wasn't there, but all the women were talking about him and his exploits. They were giddy while talking about how he bedded a new girl every Friday and Saturday, and how he especially liked the married women.

Supposedly this kind of man would be a "creep" that all women would be repulsed by, if we were to listen to what women and pop culture tell us. Yet he was lusted after by the women, and a hero to the (unmarried) men.
He was likely a hero to several married men.

People are naturally attracted to things that are prone to hurt them. I've seen friends do it, clients do it, even I did it. I knew meeting my father would hurt me, but I did it anyway. It's part of human nature to seek out that which will hurt us in several aspects of our life. Some of us are smart enough to turn away, while others are not.

The difficulty is not knowing if you'll fall for this, because if you're honest with yourself, you'll generally know your answer. The difficult part comes when deciding if the person you are with is someone that will succumb to such temptation.
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