It is the cheating spouse that destroys the family, not the AP.
Just to get you to think about this defense of the AP, who might just be appreciated in a way the BS is not, take away the WS or the AP and what do you have?
So, there has to be someone looking and someone receptive, or the whole thing falls apart.
Someone once posted something like, what if the AP doesn't know the WS is married? Well, doesn't everyone have a responsibility to themselves, to know what they are getting into? Sure we all make mistakes. Even when it's a mistake, at some point, it becomes a decision. When is that?
Wouldn't respect for a BS look like divorce before affair? If I'm thinking of someone all the time, don't I owe it to myself, my dignity, my self-respect, to look into what is bothering me?
Wouldn't I feel rightly proud and be a better person for knowing myself and addressing my issues? Wouldn't I be a more responsible adult to take the high and hard road of divorce instead of an affair which has to include lies, deception, gas lighting, financial irresponsibility, disrespect, hate, denial of real love of self, and so much more?
Life can be tough. Affairs only make it tougher.