how do APs rationalise destroying a family? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 07:21 AM Thread Starter
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Angry how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

I mean, I get that they're bad people for screwing a married person, but from an OM's perspective, because I'm male and not because I've ever been an OM, you could rationalise that in your head by thinking that she's in a bad marriage and has a ****ty husband, according to her proclamations.

but man, does it not occur to them that they are destroying those children's lives? even if the affair is never discovered, obviously the marriage will deteriorate even further as a result of one spouse being in love with someone outside of the marriage.

of course, if it is discovered, either divorce or reconciliation happens and both are equally horrible, because even if the couple reconciles, there will be so many violent fights about the affair and these will all happen in the children's presence or they will at least recognise that mommy and daddy are mad at each other.

idk what I'd have done prior to discovering websites like TAM and stuff, but if I met a vulnerable married woman now, no matter how hot she may be, I'd try to help her fix her marriage and give her husband another chance and go find a hot single girl to ****.

STUPID HOMEWRECKERS RUINING CHILDHOODS JUST FOR SOME WORTHLESS SEX!

p.s. I deleted my old thread because I thought it was a stupid topic and this one was better, sorry guys love you all.

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post #2 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 07:31 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

They just don't care about anyone other than themselves.

Don't overcomplicate it. Many people are just straight up heartless.

APs are just the tool. The WS's are the home wreckers. Accept that.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #3 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 07:33 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

I don't think guys think about it at all.

Thought process: <get laid> <get laid> <get laid> <get laid> <eat sandwich>
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My story: After a night on the town with him, wife exchanged inappropriate texts with her former boss.

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post #4 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 07:36 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

They have many thoughts.

Selfishness is the most prominent. He is horny and doesn't care, as long as she is willing, and most women he takes will prove their willingness and acceptance of his advances. They will even show they want more.

KISA The woman complains and cries on his shoulder. He is angry with the husband for what he believes he has done to this woman. He feels bad for her and wants to help her.

Desire to always know they are first choice and be the one dumping the woman, so they can always stay in the back of that woman's mind as the one that got away. It gives them a feeling of power and control they believe they lack in their own lives.

Sometimes, they can't find a single woman they can respect, so they find a married woman who exudes the qualities they respect and then they lose that respect after they realize they have found someone who doesn't deserve it. That's after the sex.

I'm sure there are many reasons or excuses. These are some.

Remember, she is willing or it would be rape. Even an AP doesn't want to go to jail. He just wants his desires to be fulfilled.

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

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post #5 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 07:37 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

I don't get it either, I am dealing with it right now. With a coworker she used to hate, no less!!!
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post #6 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 07:42 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
They just don't care about anyone other than themselves.

Don't overcomplicate it. Many people are just straight up heartless.

APs are just the tool. The WS's are the home wreckers. Accept that.
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Originally Posted by metallicaluvr View Post
I mean, I get that they're bad people for screwing a married person, but from an OM's perspective, because I'm male and not because I've ever been an OM, you could rationalise that in your head by thinking that she's in a bad marriage and has a ****ty husband, according to her proclamations.

but man, does it not occur to them that they are destroying those children's lives? even if the affair is never discovered, obviously the marriage will deteriorate even further as a result of one spouse being in love with someone outside of the marriage.

of course, if it is discovered, either divorce or reconciliation happens and both are equally horrible, because even if the couple reconciles, there will be so many violent fights about the affair and these will all happen in the children's presence or they will at least recognise that mommy and daddy are mad at each other.

idk what I'd have done prior to discovering websites like TAM and stuff, but if I met a vulnerable married woman now, no matter how hot she may be, I'd try to help her fix her marriage and give her husband another chance and go find a hot single girl to ****.

STUPID HOMEWRECKERS RUINING CHILDHOODS JUST FOR SOME WORTHLESS SEX!

p.s. I deleted my old thread because I thought it was a stupid topic and this one was better, sorry guys love you all.
That they are putting family members in peril is not even a part of their rationale or equation!

Unfortunately, getting their "rocks off"-dopamine high, as secretly and as covertly as possible with somebody else is!

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post #7 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 07:44 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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I don't get it either, I am dealing with it right now. With a coworker she used to hate, no less!!!
Likely she didn't truly hate him, but was jealous.

How do you feel when you purchase something that you later find out wasn't as advertised, but you had to take out a big loan to have?

Sorry, I know that might be hurtful.

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post #8 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 07:46 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

Metal ~

Your question has been an unanswered one since the beginning of time and there are a boatload of people here on TAM who wish they had the answer.

Why does anyone knowingly, willingly, deliberately and intentionally indulge in an affair with a married person with a family?

Because they are selfish, self-centered, probably narcissist, probably has some type of a personality disorder, probably had a messed up childhood and/or a cold distant parent and now has deep-seeded issues. loves the thrills of secret trysts .............need I go on?

People who are well-balanced, loving and empathetic will never understand the evils that possess a cheater.

VH
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post #9 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 07:53 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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Metal ~

Your question has been an unanswered one since the beginning of time and there are a boatload of people here on TAM who wish they had the answer.

Why does anyone knowingly, willingly, deliberately and intentionally indulge in an affair with a married person with a family?

Because they are selfish, self-centered, probably narcissist, probably has some type of a personality disorder, probably had a messed up childhood and/or a cold distant parent and now has deep-seeded issues. loves the thrills of secret trysts .............need I go on?

People who are well-balanced, loving and empathetic will never understand the evils that possess a cheater.

VH
Yep, that's why I posted once, "because they wanted to". Because really, that's the bottom line. Nothing you can do if they want to cheat, WS or AP.

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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post #10 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 07:54 AM Thread Starter
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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Originally Posted by VeryHurt View Post
Metal ~

Your question has been an unanswered one since the beginning of time and there are a boatload of people here on TAM who wish they had the answer.

Why does anyone knowingly, willingly, deliberately and intentionally indulge in an affair with a married person with a family?

Because they are selfish, self-centered, probably narcissist, probably has some type of a personality disorder, probably had a messed up childhood and/or a cold distant parent and now has deep-seeded issues. loves the thrills of secret trysts .............need I go on?

People who are well-balanced, loving and empathetic will never understand the evils that possess a cheater.

VH
I get that, I asked this question because of my belief that there's no one in this world who is 100% evil.

Hell, even PRISONERS beat up child molesters. Why? Because they harmed a CHILD, god damn it!

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post #11 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 08:05 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

It is the cheating spouse that destroys the family, not the AP.
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post #12 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 08:16 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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I get that, I asked this question because of my belief that there's no one in this world who is 100% evil.

Hell, even PRISONERS beat up child molesters. Why? Because they harmed a CHILD, god damn it!
Judging against what baseline? I don't believe anyone is 100% evil either. But, what exactly does 100% evil look like? What does 100% good look like?

I understand completely the idea that it's okay to beat up a child molester, but is it "good", as you have intimated? Not sure in the greater sense of it. And, isn't that what you are talking about here, the greater sense of evil?

Last paragraph written so you understand I'm not defending child molestation or molesters, just trying to explain why I think it's not an example of "good".

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post #13 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 08:20 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

First of all none of them think they will get caught .

After that , why would you think they are thinking at all about anything but instant gratification .

Whether you are a man or woman , your problem is your wife or husband , not the AP.
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post #14 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 08:24 AM Thread Starter
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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It is the cheating spouse that destroys the family, not the AP.
Yeah, why be an accessory to destroying a family though? YKWIM? if the WS is the gun, why be the bullet?

You can do two things when a hot married woman wants to **** you: 1) **** her or 2) try to drive some sense into her head.
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post #15 of 165 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 08:28 AM
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Re: how do APs rationalise destroying a family?

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It is the cheating spouse that destroys the family, not the AP.
Just to get you to think about this defense of the AP, who might just be appreciated in a way the BS is not, take away the WS or the AP and what do you have?

So, there has to be someone looking and someone receptive, or the whole thing falls apart.

Someone once posted something like, what if the AP doesn't know the WS is married? Well, doesn't everyone have a responsibility to themselves, to know what they are getting into? Sure we all make mistakes. Even when it's a mistake, at some point, it becomes a decision. When is that?

Wouldn't respect for a BS look like divorce before affair? If I'm thinking of someone all the time, don't I owe it to myself, my dignity, my self-respect, to look into what is bothering me?

Wouldn't I feel rightly proud and be a better person for knowing myself and addressing my issues? Wouldn't I be a more responsible adult to take the high and hard road of divorce instead of an affair which has to include lies, deception, gas lighting, financial irresponsibility, disrespect, hate, denial of real love of self, and so much more?

Life can be tough. Affairs only make it tougher.

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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