My husband is on a business trip and is verbally attacking me. He just won't stop. I have 3 kids with this man. i can't just leave him. I don't have any of my own money. I just cannot handle this.
He cheated on me for almost a year with a 21 year old. He's been so mad at me ever since. So bloody mad. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I really don't deserve this. I don't. I can't imagine anybody does.
His anger stems from me being with another woman during our relationship. He encouraged this and made me share every "juicy" little detail. It lasted a month. I noticed he was getting angry and I ended it immediately. None of it was behind his back. He knew about it every step of the way. This was 15 years ago. He's made me "pay" ever since. We've never been able to have sex without talking about other women, watching porn, talking about threesomes. It all became so twisted that I didn't even know how to turn him on or have sex without bringing up other women. I feel like I've done everything in my power to be good to him, but he is so angry. He hates women. His mom is bipolar/NPD. I suspect he is too. I've always thought it. Most of the time he tells me I've been an ideal wife, but that none of it is enough because I never had a threesome with him. That was the only way I could have proved my love for him.
I'm trying so hard to be here because of the kids. But I can't do this right now. I'm so alone. Nobody knows about this. Actually, he told my parents. He wanted them to apologise to them for raising me like this. My dad has completely disappeared. He never replied. And all it did was make my mom worry and now I have to deal with her worry on top of my own pain.
Now everything I've ever done is wrong wrong wrong. I don't respect him. I've never been there for him. All women are man-haters. I'm too loud. And I bring women over that disrespect him in his house. This is when I invite my friends over and he gets in arguments with him and they defend their stance. He goes on these tirades of hate. It makes me feel so useless. I should just keep my mouth shut, but I don't. That's my problem. He has already broken so much inside of me. I don't know why I keep fighting back. I can't be responsible for everything in this marriage, but he's decided I am and that is all that matters.
He thinks I'm making his sons hate him. I'm not. I'm not saying anything to them or even trying to act upset around them. They see his behaviour towards them and us as a family. I just can't ever win. I don't know how to stay. And I don't know how to leave. I am just so sad. So broken. I wish I could die, but I feel like too much of a coward to kill myself. And my poor kids. They need me. And i would just be being selfish. But, I've already been told over and over and over again that I'm selfish. I guess that would just prove his point. And I'm too bull headed to let him believe that he's right about me. See how twisted I am in my thoughts. I want to prove myself right instead.
He cheated on me for almost a year with a 21 year old. He's been so mad at me ever since. So bloody mad. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I really don't deserve this. I don't. I can't imagine anybody does.
His anger stems from me being with another woman during our relationship. He encouraged this and made me share every "juicy" little detail. It lasted a month. I noticed he was getting angry and I ended it immediately. None of it was behind his back. He knew about it every step of the way. This was 15 years ago. He's made me "pay" ever since. We've never been able to have sex without talking about other women, watching porn, talking about threesomes. It all became so twisted that I didn't even know how to turn him on or have sex without bringing up other women. I feel like I've done everything in my power to be good to him, but he is so angry. He hates women. His mom is bipolar/NPD. I suspect he is too. I've always thought it. Most of the time he tells me I've been an ideal wife, but that none of it is enough because I never had a threesome with him. That was the only way I could have proved my love for him.
I'm trying so hard to be here because of the kids. But I can't do this right now. I'm so alone. Nobody knows about this. Actually, he told my parents. He wanted them to apologise to them for raising me like this. My dad has completely disappeared. He never replied. And all it did was make my mom worry and now I have to deal with her worry on top of my own pain.
Now everything I've ever done is wrong wrong wrong. I don't respect him. I've never been there for him. All women are man-haters. I'm too loud. And I bring women over that disrespect him in his house. This is when I invite my friends over and he gets in arguments with him and they defend their stance. He goes on these tirades of hate. It makes me feel so useless. I should just keep my mouth shut, but I don't. That's my problem. He has already broken so much inside of me. I don't know why I keep fighting back. I can't be responsible for everything in this marriage, but he's decided I am and that is all that matters.
He thinks I'm making his sons hate him. I'm not. I'm not saying anything to them or even trying to act upset around them. They see his behaviour towards them and us as a family. I just can't ever win. I don't know how to stay. And I don't know how to leave. I am just so sad. So broken. I wish I could die, but I feel like too much of a coward to kill myself. And my poor kids. They need me. And i would just be being selfish. But, I've already been told over and over and over again that I'm selfish. I guess that would just prove his point. And I'm too bull headed to let him believe that he's right about me. See how twisted I am in my thoughts. I want to prove myself right instead.