The Church

onthefence16 · 10-02-2011, 09:50 AM

I was writing a letter to the pastor of the OW. I am sending him the letter of NC to give to the OW as I have been told that the boyfiend is very violent. So as I am writting the letter it occurs to me.....I got married in that church. It was not being pastored by the same man nor the same congregation or affiliation. But now when I look at the wedding pictures or video I will be reminded of the OW. As she is in the worship team of the new church. She sits on the very stage strumming her guitar that I stood in front of taking my vows.....ugg...there is a stained glass huge cross behind the pulpiit..you can't miss it as it is the focus when seated in the church. Now today all I can see is that stained glass cross.....I must remember what my Savior did for all man kind...not just for me but for the OW and my husband also.....ugg....the narrow road is a hard one.......

Eli-Zor · 10-02-2011, 10:01 AM

Let it pass, as difficult as it is don't allow her to take away your good memories . Dont let her have any airtime in your brain she is not worth it.

You mentioned before about the boyfriend , have you exposed to him , as she told her pastor one assumes she told her boyfriend if not copy the letter to him as well. I suspect she may have been a little light with the truth to the pastor. The only way she will keep away from your husband is if she is held accountable . The pastor and boyfriend knowing the truth will help keep her on the straight road..
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chattycathy · 10-02-2011, 10:03 AM

Who told you the boyfriend was violent? If he is so violent, why would a woman cheat on him?

Almost all OW seem to have violent, abusive bfs or H's.

If it is common knowledge of the whole community that he is violent, maybe he is. If it is told to you by your guy, HE might believe it but it isn't necessarily true.

And sorry about the church being the one you married in. You should consider it YOUR special place and she is just drawn to very special places and people cause she is not special and feels pulled to them.

OhGeesh · 10-02-2011, 10:08 AM

Good luck the problem is with you spouse not anyone else. The OW doesn't have some special power or magic ju ju to make him cheat. It's a choice if not her it could be anyone.

My wife has been hit on by guys making millions of dollars, driving Lamborghinis, and living a life of true exuberance. If she cheats is it their fault? 100% NO it's my wife's fault plain and simple.

Best of luck focus on your spouse and why he cheated because the OW could be anyone.

onthefence16 · 10-02-2011, 10:18 AM

I don't know if the boyfriend is this abusive man or not....My H even told me he slept in the house twice and all the visits were in OW home...so I said if the man is so violent how could you sleep there...His answer he was out of town and knew it was safe....ugg...really???? I could send a letter to the man but don't know his last name....and OW may get the letter so seems fruitless.....to try....and it's hard to think that she is in the very church building I got married in.....thanks everyone.....a letter to the pastor may due for now.....I am thinking of the VAR...but I work out of town....does anyone know if those conversations could be uploaded on the net...I go home in 5 weeks and could place one in the vehicle while he sleeps....

onthefence16 · 10-02-2011, 10:22 AM

Oh yes I do know that my H is a fault 100% but she is also to blame...she knew he was married..she knew he was lying to me...she knew he was hurting me emotionally....she knew...she is also at fault...she knew he wanted to leave me but wouldn't leave her boyfriend due to financial issues...she knew exactly what she was doing....she knew and I also blame her...it's a good thing I am out of town really.....gives me time to calm down before I confront her....because I do plan on seeing her and confronting her also......she knew my H confessed and continued to talk to him.....and still may be....I will find out...and if I do find out that it has continued I will let the whole small community I live in know....all I have to do is tell one person and it will spread like a wild fire with no water......she knew and now I wait to see what my next steps will be in the matter.......

Eli-Zor · 10-02-2011, 10:26 AM

There may be VARs that automatically upload , they probably cost a fair bit and will be hard to find. A normal VAR should do , if you require more recording time ask for a device with more internal memory .

As for the boyfriend , go to his house early one day , give him the letter as he walks out say nothing and leave. If you are concerned he may react badly take a friend with you. It should be a quick see him , confirm his first name, give him the letter and leave.
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Eli-Zor · 10-02-2011, 10:35 AM

I read your other post on the RV , cut all funds to your husband . Your working and fretting what he is doing ? Well he can gain some pride by working . If he has to dig roads, pack shelves at the local shopping centre or what ever he should evidence his willingness by bringing in some money and keeping busy. If he is busy it gives him less time to play.

Call the pastor and confirm why the RV is being used .
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onthefence16 · 10-02-2011, 10:36 AM

I work out of town so I will need a VAR that can upload....and I have been told the boyfriend works out of town...I will be in town in 5 weeks I don't know if he will be there or not....I have to find out if the man is violent or not...it does suck that she is getting away with it with her boyfriend.....I will admit that....but as far as the pastor she will not.....Oh yes by the way did I mention that the pastor is her uncle and knows the boyfriend....so maybe the pastor will keep her secret or tell the boyfriend I don't know....maybe I'll add it in my letter....

onthefence16 · 10-02-2011, 10:48 AM

I have added this to the letter I will be sending off to the OW's pastor:
And also told my husband not to leave me yet as she couldn’t leave (boyfriend's name) due to financial issues, she did not want her credit to be ruined by (boyriedn's name) if she left him. I was also told that they had planned on continuing to be friends, you and I both know that could never be. At this point I would say that the Christian thing to do for (boyfriend's name) is to let him know what has happened as I have been told that all the visits were at (OW's name) home and that my husband and (OW's name) has sex in the bed that (boyfriend's name) sleeps in.. My husband also told me he slept at the home while (boyriend's name) was out of town working. Would it be fair to (boyriend's name) not to know the truth? Doesn’t the truth set us free? If he does not know of the affair she may sin again against him and her Father in Heaven being that she has no self-control. Would you want to be kept in the dark in such a matter as this? Without uncovering the sin to (boyriend's name) (OW's name) is free to sin again with my husband or with someone else’s…this is a fact. Which being a pastor you well know…sin left uncovered will fester and rise again. If you know the man to be violent as I have been lead to believe then, uncovering (OW's name) sin would do more harm than good. But if you know the man not to be of a violtent nature then sin left uncovered will do more harm than good.

onthefence16 · 10-02-2011, 11:15 AM

letter revised:
I added a few more things to get the point out to the pastor:
At this point I would say that the Christian thing to do for (boyfriend's name) is to let him know what has happened as I have been told that all the visits were at (OW's) home and that my husband and (OW's name) had sex in the bed that (boyfriend's name) sleeps in. My husband also told me he slept at the home while (boyfriend's name) was out of town working. My husband told me he would park in a field behind a tree down from the house this way no one would see. He would go to the home after 9:30 pm as again no one would see his vehicle. Would it be fair to (boyfriend's name) not to know the truth?

Eli-Zor · 10-02-2011, 12:33 PM

You had best track the boyfriend down pronto , someone else must know him or can deliver the letter in person .

The OW is going to go into damage control very quickly and will gaslight you, do not tell your husband what you are doing.

The longer you wait the more chance you have of them undermining the situation and if you suspect your husband is about to leave the marriage I assure you he will not be saying nice things about you.

onthefence16 · 10-02-2011, 05:26 PM

I am going to call the pastor as I have his phone number. I will find out what the RV is being used for. I told my husband about my suspicions and he assured me it wasn't for what I thought. They are helping a young man out and he needs a place to stay. I will find out the truth. I beleive my H for the time being. I will see. And as far as the boyfriend is concerned I can't track him down. I am in another state right now. So I will leave it up to my Father in Heaven from this point on, with a letter being sent to her pastor who is her Uncle and knows the man. My H does not know about the letter I wrote only the NC letter that will be sent to the OW through her church. As far as a job...I would love for him to get one, I have had his email password for awhile him not knowing so I have been watching and he is looking for work. He gets unemploment which helps pay his bills anyway. I am waiting to see. I know that if he finds out I wrote the letter he may be very mad...but so what....he and she made me very mad....and the pastor needs to know the truth about the woman he has representing his church....that is from Scripture not my mind....I will see....I am waiting...that is all I can do right now....watch and wait...I love my H and he tells me he wants to work on R so before I make any moves towards anything but that I would need solid proof.

Eli-Zor · 10-02-2011, 05:34 PM

You must do what must be done all the lying and deceit is not good for anyone . There will be consequences for your husband and hers but this is something they have to face and was caused by their own actions.

Stay strong , give yourself time to breathe.
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onthefence16 · 10-02-2011, 05:46 PM

In my letter to her pastor I stipulated if he knew the boyfriend to be of a violent nature than it would not be in the best interest for him to know. I this is not the case then yes he should know...so the pastor who knows the guy will make the right decision hopefully.