swearing on holy book, a life, lie detector test query
If your husband or wife asked you to swear on the bible, on a family member's life and or to take a lie detector test to reassure them that you had been faithful, would you do it
a: if you have been faithful
b: if you had not been faithful
I have good reason to suspect my h has slept with others but have not been able to get proof. Am I being simplistic in thinking that asking him to submit to the above will get me the answers I so desperately need.
Can I assume that if he will not submit to the above that it means he has something to hide. Surely if he claims to love me like he says he does, he would want me to feel secure and reassured and have nothing to fear!!
If you were told by your spouse that your marriage depended on this would you do it and if not why not. Thank you for your time.
Re: swearing on holy book, a life, lie detector test query
I could swear on the Bible, but I'm an agnostic, so it would mean NOTHING to me.
I could swear on someone's life, but to me, it's only words.
I could take the lie detector, but tell you afterward that I was nervous because you humiliated me by making me take it, and besides, they are not 100% reliable and no judge would admit it as evidence in a court of law.
But, most of all, if I were to tell the truth and it all said I was innocent, would be secure enough to believe it? Or would you still have that nagging little doubt in the back of your mind?
Re: swearing on holy book, a life, lie detector test query
In my case my WW had no problem swearing on her kids lives that she was not seeing any one.
Cheater lie, thats what they do and do not believe him when he puts his hand on the good book and looks you square in the eye and lies. In his mind he is not cheating, he is with you putting his hand on a bible and giving you answers you want to hear.
Trust your gut.
Get a keylooger, GPS, VAR, look at bank and cell statements, if you got the dough hire a PI.
Re: swearing on holy book, a life, lie detector test query
I was pulled over once on suspicious of DUI.
I was so nervous, the cops SWORE I was drunk. LOL I hadn't even had anything to drink and blew a 0.01 into the breathalizer. Probably from my mint gum.
Point is, nerves play a huge part. If you can't trust someone, leave them.
Re: swearing on holy book, a life, lie detector test query
Well, my H used the name of the Most High and our Savior in his lies to me during his affairs. My H also wrote a book on the Holy Tabernacle during his affair. So use of the Holy Book means nothing if your not saved.
Some people have no sence of swearing on a life especially if a) not saved and b) a deciver
Lie detector test work some but are not accurate.....
So I would say that if you wanted to use the lie detector and he said no then yes there is something to hide....sorry your here....
Re: swearing on holy book, a life, lie detector test query
My wife swore on the Bible her father gave to her that nothing was going on, she was just going for coffee with "a friend" and how dare I make her do this because it was "so disrespectful" of me to not trust her.
She was very convincing.
But she had some guy's d!ck inside her within the hour.
Do not trust a cheater's word. They have no respect or shame.
Re: swearing on holy book, a life, lie detector test query
I note that most if not all the responses so far do not bode well for me gettting any peace of mind by asking him to do the stuff in the title.
Thank you for all the respobses although this is not what I wanted to hear. For me, it is unthinkable that I would not do as asked as I have nothing to hide. I also believe/want to believe my H would feel the same as me but if I cannot trust him to be faithful then why would I trust him to confess all without my having actual evidence. I think I'm still in denial but I don't want to throw away 20 odd years of marriage if I am mistaken. On the other hand my doubts will not go away and I find myself distancing myself from him more and more, which of itself is damaging the relationship.
I try to be rational and not to jump to conclusions but it's getting harder for me to ignore my gut. Red flags include being uncontactable at times when at work, working late, being OVERLY nice to me, losing his temper, shouting and swearing and storming off when questioned over things that just don't add up (very uncharacteristic as he's nornally very even tempered), disinterest is my sexual needs and little enthusiasm in improving our relationship generally. These things have occurred over time, but I've never been able to prove anything.
Re: swearing on holy book, a life, lie detector test query
To Michzz, Onthefence16, the guy
I'm so sorry to know that your spouses would stoop to the level of lying with bible in hand, swearing on the lives of children thank you all for posting.
F 102 - I note what you say and have indeed been asking myself if there is anything at all he can do to convince me of his innocence if that is indeed the case - no easy answers.
Re: swearing on holy book, a life, lie detector test query
Personally, I dont swear on anything..and I dont believe people when they do. If you know someone, you can tell when they are jerking you around and when they aren't. Go with the gut, and pry..thats my best advice.
Anyways...would it really make you feel better if he swore on them? When people feel backed against the wall..and they dont want to tell you something..I dont think they will.
Remember..a lot of cheaters justify their actions to themselves, so they don't feel bad about doing it.
Its a crappy position to be in..but Id try to go for more concrete evidence, and throw it in his face when he least expects it. That would probably be a better approach than asking him to swear.
Re: swearing on holy book, a life, lie detector test query
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nikki1023
Its a crappy position to be in..but Id try to go for more concrete evidence, and throw it in his face when he least expects it. That would probably be a better approach than asking him to swear.
Good luck with everything.
I agree with this 100%. Whatever you do don't confront him until you have sufficient proof...or he will discount whatever you say as crazy. Proof trumps all. You say you have good reason to suspect he's been with other women? What is that reason (or reasons)? Do you have proof? If not, gather it. It may not save your relationship (perhaps the exact opposite), but if it is in black and white in front of you and he lies to you about it, would you want to stay with him? I know it's hard...I confronted my stbxw with proof when I left, and she still has not acknowledged wrongdoing to this day. Some people can face what they've done and others can't. The question is what you are willing to take.
It sounds as if you're like me...without ironclad evidence you don't want to make the biggest mistake of your life. So...if you don't have proof - GET IT. This will make your decision so much easier. What happens after that will not be easy (I can guarantee that, as I'm in the midst of it, as are so many others here on this forum). But the decision to stay or leave can be made with the certainty of facts. Once you see the emails/texts/facebook chats, or hear the recorded phone conversation regarding the affair, then you can be confident in your decision, no matter how unthinkable or difficult it may seem at the time. Not sure how tech savvy you are, but if you need any assistance or details, just ask. You will be flooded with help. We know what you're feeling, and you don't deserve to go through this.
And if you do the research and find nothing, then congratulations...you may have jumped to a conclusion or two, and that's okay. Red flags are there because you sense something may be wrong. More often than not, you're right...but not always. I hope the best for you.
Re: swearing on holy book, a life, lie detector test query
Quote:
Originally Posted by trudy
If your husband or wife asked you to swear on the bible, on a family member's life and or to take a lie detector test to reassure them that you had been faithful, would you do it
a: if you have been faithful
b: if you had not been faithful
I have good reason to suspect my h has slept with others but have not been able to get proof. Am I being simplistic in thinking that asking him to submit to the above will get me the answers I so desperately need.
Can I assume that if he will not submit to the above that it means he has something to hide. Surely if he claims to love me like he says he does, he would want me to feel secure and reassured and have nothing to fear!!
If you were told by your spouse that your marriage depended on this would you do it and if not why not. Thank you for your time.
No, I think my H would have sworn on anything just to keep me off his trail. Telling them that the marriage depends on it , would make lying even more likely. These people are able to rationalize damn near anything when they are in the throws of an A. That is why it is so disorienting for the LS. They seem to turn into some one we no longer know.
Re: swearing on holy book, a life, lie detector test query
Trust your gut and gather proof.
Does he let you use or handle his cellphone? Do you have access to all his accounts like FB and email? Redflag if the answer is "no" to these questions. Plus him being defensive about his whereabouts "not adding up" is a huge redflag.
Keglogger and VAR are great suggestions. I'd also start snooping. Check his glove compartment, trunk, golfbag, any place you'd normally never be handling. You might find condoms or questionable reciepts. Check charges, ATM withdrawls (would pay cash for hotel), and cell phone records (frequent number you don't know). If you have his phone check for texts, picture mail, and contacts. If you have his email check any sent mail. For sure snoop around on his FB account. Also, check his computer history too. If it's always deleted, then he might be hididng something.
If you have a gut feeling, trust your gut. In hindsight, last year when my H was having an affair, I felt something was off. But, I was too deep in denial to believe it was happening to me. I never had imagined him capable. I truly believe our subconscious picks up on things our conscious brain doens't want to process. We have gut feelings for a reason.
swearing on holy book, a life, lie detector test query 
