chapparal

Thats why I said let her stay at home. I was surprised/shocked that she came home this quickly. I wonder if she got word that HD was talking to atty about divorce. Anyway since she is coming he should get the lay of the land. I don't see how it could hurt.

On the other hand if I did not see some major improvement by the time she left, I would tell her thats the last time she would be allowed to come back there and I would be filing D ASAP.

the guy

Have her stay at her dads and if a night gets long then look at the options for her to spend the nigh instead of driving 15 minutes down the road, late at night.

What I like about having her suit case at the dads and then having the option to spend a night will keep the kids somewhat grounded and not having you look like the bad guy when you give her the offer to spend a night when it gets late.

unbelievable

There's a heavy emotional component to this proposal, for the OP as well as the kids. Minds aren't clear when emotions are high. He can be polite, respectful, sociable, even nice. I just want him to keep a clear head and not pursue a path which makes a bad situation worse. He's got the kids so he occupies the high ground. He has the most to lose and the least to gain by her proposal.

Catherine602

Sounds bad when you "keep a mother away from her kids" but if it were the other way around and you abandoned your kids, I would advise the LS to have the deserting spouse stay at a more convinient location. Gender does not matter, desertion of families by women is much more frequent these day and the consequences are the same. Tthe priority are the children - the who left can visit but not stay in the home. It is far easier for kids to deal with having the deserter visit than to move back home for a few days and then leave.

If R is in the works it has to proceed in stages and start with you and your wife. Don't involve the kids in the roller coster ride. Be absolutely sure that she is back to stay. That may take close to a yr or more before you let her back into the kids lives.

This is not for revenge. She abandoned her family and now she has to earn the right to get them back. By earn i mean to atone in such away as to be reasonably sure that she does not abandon the kids again. I think the fact that she asks and then glibly says it no big deal shows she is thinking of herself only. Not the impact of her coming and going on her children. Oh and let her that it is a big deal.

Blessings to you and your family.
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morituri

Children are usually not privy to the goings on of their parents, especially young children. Even if you were to explain to them beforehand that their mother was going to stay a few days at their home visiting them, their feelings of attachment to their mother would surge and make it very difficult for them to detach once their mother leaves for a second time. Better play it safe and have them visit their mother over at the grandfather's house while she's in town.

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jnj express

This woman has bounced back and forth on these kids, what is it 3 times now,---enuff is enuff

HD---gave her all the chances in the world, to make a mge., and she refused

From the time of her A., she has selfishly placed herself, over her kids, and mge.

The 2 of them are seperated---she doesn't even see the kids for the most part----she does not deserve to stay in the home, and give the kids, false hope that she will be moving back into their lives----she has decided to forsake her family, and go her own way---she should not be allowed anymore than visitation, and that's it

Initfortheduration

Let her stay at her dads. She shouldn't have asked. And the kids should not know that she asked. Just another chance to manipulate the situation.

Houstondad

Just an update. She sent me an email yesterday out of the blue stating she will stay at her dads and not stay at my house. She said she would like to do as much as she could with the kids this weekend and she could bring them over to her dad's. She said she doesn't want to complicate things for me. She has been acting nice for the last several months, but her actions tell me she has no effort to recovery. I haven't yet replied back but plan to later tonight with a brief and short response. She's not coming back permanently. It's just a visit to see the kids, then it's back to her cousin's till Thanksgiving holiday. I am taking off Friday to get the papers filed and get custody of the kids after talking to a lawyer recently.

aug

Well, it's cheaper and easier to have her served when she's in town than out of State.

BillAlfonso

Hey, I had a thought, do you think she may take the kids? I've heard of stuff like this before and could complicate things a great deal. I mean, I wouldn't put anything past anyone foul enough to commit adultery.

lordmayhem

There's always that possibility, from what he's described about her and her activities, it's unlikely because it would cramp her new lifestyle. This is a woman who's enjoying the single life, who rode a bicycle in panties in the naked bike ride. It looks like she's more than content to be a part time mom. Of course I could be wrong, but she's not exactly fighting HD for the kids.

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Houstondad

That's my strong feeling LM. My gut has usually been right with much of this. I've always been the cook of the family. Put the kids to bed. Wake them up and get them ready for school even before all this BS went down a year ago. I feel like being a parent has become a burden for her and it's kinda like a "mid-life crisis" for her in some ways.

Houstondad

Talked to my wife yesterday and she brought up the possibility of staying at the house this weekend. I told her that I was concerned about how our kids would feel once she left. The feeling of abandonment again. Maybe I'm overreacting. Even though they know she is only visiting for the weekend, I told her that with her living in the house it might still send them a mixed message (subconciously?). My wife became upset and felt I was trying to keep her away from the kids. She also didn't understand the difference between her staying at our house and her dad's house.

Eli-Zor

Good move , she left the house she has to earn the right to have access to it. You should file pronto in case she does try go awol with the children
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