Need advice. My wife of 12 years cheated on me and now I hate myself.
I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible. I've been married to my wife for a little over 12 years. We have 2 children together (8 and 11) and I also have one from a previous relationship (17) that I have full custody of. About 8 weeks ago my wife admitted to me that she had been having an "affair" with another man for the last year and a half. During our subsequent conversations she has referred to her relationship with this guy as an affair, an obsession and being-in-lust. I also learned that all her friends knew about this guy. She kept pictures of him on her phone and frequently bragged about the relationship to them.
At first she only admitted to me sexting, sending and receiving naked pictures and having graphic sex talk with him. As I pressed harder, she admitted that they met a total of 3 times and engaged in what she describes as "groping". She denies they had sex, but does admit that it got very physical every time they met; i.e. lots of grinding, rubbing, squeezing, etc.
The thing that's killing me is this: I'm a 41 year old, fairly successful, kind, funny, good looking nerd and a great dad. I've never been "insecure" per se. However, the guy she had this relationship with is a 28 year old, tan, muscle-headed beach volleyball player. He could be a ****ing model. Although she has assured me that she has completely broken all ties to this person, since I found out about this, my insecurity has been at an all time high. My wife is gorgeous and everyone has always joked about how I "married up", but now I'm constantly stuck in self-loathing mode. I feel ugly, i feel emotionally and physically unattractive and disgusting. I feel like, even though she says she's chosen me over him, that it's not true. I feel like I'm not really the person she wants. I have nightmares every night about them together and I wake up feeling so incredibly inferior and deflated.
I want to stay with her, and she says that I'm the one she wants to be with, but everything's different now and I don't know how to not feel ****ty all the time. It's not only hard to look her in the eye, it's also hard to look in the mirror anymore.
Has anyone been in this situation before? What can I do to move past this?
tl;dr My wife of 12 years cheated on me with a 28 year old hunk for a year and a half and now I constantly feel like ****.
Last edited by Russells_Teapot; 10-03-2011 at 09:09 AM.