Need some of that expert TAM wisdom - Page 15 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #211 of 213 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 09:32 AM
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Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

Any reason why you didn't start using facebook actively and friending your own family and wife? Any reason why you wouldn't stop the sex immediately when your wife tells you to hurry up and/or get it over with? You are so afraid to confront her because she'll play the controlling card. Call her on her bullsh!t. At this point in time, I don't think she's cheating on you. However, I believe that your wife has been blasting you to other people every chance she gets. I think that's why the neighbor guy can't look at you. Your wife probably told him that you are a controlling asshat.

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post #212 of 213 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 03:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

My mother was finally released from the hospital yesterday (in there for quite awhile).

So much going on over the past year with my father being sick and passing away along with my mother being sick as well. Hard to determine how much of this is spilling into my relationship with my wife (probably quite a bit). Things have been this way even before they both got sick however.

I can't live this way anymore. I sat my wife down and told her this. That things need to change or it probably makes sense to go our separate ways. So either we're both all in and willing to commit to this (and do the things necessary to get us on a good path), and if not, then again why go through the motions.

Watching my father whittle away before me and eventually passing away right in front of me has really shaken me to the core. A lot of questions swirling round. I've been staring at death since Jan of last year (hospitals/cancer). Who knows how things are going to play out for me, but in the time I have left walking this earth (with my health) I want to live a life that will make me happy and hopefully not having any major regrets in 20 yrs. What does this mean? What are the things I want to do and change in order to achieve these things? That's what I'm trying to figure out.

I want to make this work not just for me and my wife but for my kids as well.

However I can't do this by myself. Have told her we need to go to MC and she agreed. I think we truly need to learn to communicate again (especially healthy communication). I will put in the work, but I will also be gauging her as well to see if it's just talk on her part or if she's willing to put in the work? If after six months I don't see things changing in the right direction, and I'm the only one really trying here, then it's time to go our separate ways. I have conveyed this to my wife, and we'll see how things play out. Trying to find a good/reputable MC'er.

That's where things are and I appreciate all the advice that was provided.
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post #213 of 213 (permalink) Old 02-24-2017, 10:38 PM
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Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

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Originally Posted by sideways View Post
My mother was finally released from the hospital yesterday (in there for quite awhile)...

I want to make this work not just for me and my wife but for my kids as well.

However I can't do this by myself. Have told her we need to go to MC and she agreed. I think we truly need to learn to communicate again (especially healthy communication). I will put in the work, but I will also be gauging her as well to see if it's just talk on her part or if she's willing to put in the work? If after six months I don't see things changing in the right direction, and I'm the only one really trying here, then it's time to go our separate ways. I have conveyed this to my wife, and we'll see how things play out. Trying to find a good/reputable MC'er.

That's where things are and I appreciate all the advice that was provided.
@sideways - Sorry for coming back so late to this thread. I hope your mother will recover and be with you many more years.

As far as your need to learn to communicate with each other, you should investigate Retrouvaille (here I go again, a broken record). It will provide both of you the tools to better communicate with each other. It will not be easy. You will both need to be "all in" for the process, but I believe it will best meet your needs. They have a website (Retrouvaille.org) that explains the process and lists the schedule and locations where Retrouvaille weekends are being held. Because of the commitment required, this program will "smoke out" your wife's commitment to improving your marriage.

I hope you give this serious consideration. What have you got to lose?
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