Since posting here and reading all of the advice I've had some time to really think about this, and where I'm at with my wife. First off I do NOT want out of this relationship.
She is my best friend, she's the mother of my two kids, and she's stood by me through SO many things. More importantly I do love her! It's been a tough time with my mom being sick, but as so many of you have pointed out we just need to make a conscious effort to work on our relationship and spend time with each other.
It's my responsibility to lead us in the right direction. Yes I have concerns about where things are with our physical relationship, but there isn't any tangible evidence that I have that would keep me from at least taking the steps to see if it's been mainly due to neglect first.
The pass codes very well could be from keeping our daughter from snooping, and she definitely is wiped out as she has a lot on her table. Will ask her this weekend for the codes just to see how she responds, but as I mentioned I feel confident she'll give them to me with no hesitation.
She watched my parents all day today, and sent me a text saying she loved me. Marduk I took your advice last night about giving her a passionate kiss, and putting my hands back on the tiller so to speak.
Going to hold off with the VAR right now, and start making our relationship more of a priority. If after doing this things aren't improving then I will definitely follow through on the VAR.
I owe it to my kids as well. Again I appreciate all the words of wisdom, which has definitely opened my eyes. Is my relationship where I want it? No. However I need to give her the benefit of the doubt right now before I go recording her without her knowledge. Trust me I will certainly be observing her, and to see if things are improving while putting in the work.
She had NO problem kissing me last night
Will keep you posted on how things are going. Thanks again for wake up call. Hope everyone has a good weekend.