Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Here and there, but nowhere
Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom
OK Sideways, your last post has me thinking the pink flags are turning red.
This Fakebook situation is not good.
Who is not friends with their spouse on social media? She is keeping part of her life separate from yours…that is intentional. I was not on Fakebook until I started to suspect something was going on with my XWW. I joined because she was spending huge amounts of time on it and I wanted to see what was going on. I joined and sent her a friend request. She dragged her feet accepting it…about 5 days. When she finally did, I was able to read all of her past posts, that she did not delete, and it was instantly obvious that she was focusing on an old high school guy friend who later became posOM. Sometime later, he blocked me so I could no longer see their communications or posts. My divorce attorney told me that Fakebook has been a factor in at least 85% of his cases.
I would send your wife a friend request and see how long it takes her to respond. If it isn’t instant than she is probably contemplating the ramifications, deleting posts, comments, or adjusting her settings so you won’t be able to see everything. She may not want you involved in this part of her life, and that would be a big Red flag. If there is someone else, all he has to do is block you and you will never know he is there.
Now to the unflattering light she is casting on you.
My XWW only did this in emails and texts to posOM. This was her way of justifying why she was cheating with him. XWW didn’t want posOM to thing she is a wh0re so this was part of her rationalization process. The things she said about me to posOM were simply not true. At the very least, gross exaggerations. To the rest of the world, she was always positive in her reference to me, that I know of.
I would be really pissed off if my wife was dissing me on social media, especially if it was not true. This may be a stretch but your wife could be trying to justify any future behavior by casting you in a bad light. This would turn taint you in the eyes of world opinion (her friends) and justify, in her mind, any future choices she may be thinking about making…or already is.
I would express your concern about her unflattering comments and let it go for now. After you became Fakebook friends with her, see if this was a one-time thing or she is in the habit of undermining your image as a person, husband, and father.
Defending your neighbor and his behavior.
After D day #1, my XWW would defend posOM whenever I would trash him. This doesn’t mean your neighbor is the OM. It could be just her lack of respect or tolerance for you and your opinions. Either way, this isn’t good. During her affair, my XWW would disagree with me more often and discount my opinions. It became more common for her to also take the other side of any subject just so she could start an argument with me. It was becoming obvious that she no longer respected me because she was emotionally attached to someone else.
As far as your neighbors behavior, I would let that one go for now but keep an eye on him...but do not confront. Affairs require opportunity. This includes co-workers, old school friends and fortunately, neighbors. Keep in mind that you are in a hyper suspicious mode right now. You will suspect any dude that is part of her social circle. He may just be a weird guy. I have a couple neighbors that are strange, everyone does.
In light of this, I would start the VAR process now. One in the car and a couple more in the house. If it is a neighbor, the house becomes even more important. keep looking for the opportunity to get into her phone and computer without her knowing what you are up to.
Last edited by Decimated; 04-18-2016 at 11:13 AM.