Need some of that expert TAM wisdom - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #91 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-18-2016, 11:53 PM
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Fairmont, WV
Posts: 1,438
Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

The neighbor could be avoiding you out of guilt, some OM's will be very co@ky when around the betrayed husband and others avoid the betrayed husband like the plague.
or as John said above maybe he made a pass at your wife and she shut him down hard or....

I think the neighbor could be a big red flag.

convert is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #92 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-19-2016, 08:41 AM
Moonshadow's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 641
Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

Yes @convert, the neighbour's behaviour is very strange.

OP isn't imagining the neighbour treating him like that.
But W is telling him he is which personally I would find insulting.
To make it worse, W is leaping to neighbour's defence & completely dismissing H with a, "We all love him." Sucks.
Whether W & neighbour are up to anything or not, it's a pathetic way to treat her H.
Whose back does she have? Certainly not her H's.

"We just kissed".
Moonshadow is offline  
post #93 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-19-2016, 12:08 PM
Chaparral's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 11,504
Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

Are you sure he isn't staring at your wife?

Got the VARs yet?
Chaparral is offline  
post #94 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-19-2016, 12:45 PM
BetrayedDad's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 3,048
Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

Originally Posted by marduk View Post
Why are you not friends with your wife on FB with the "married" tag?
Yeah..... THAT'S a problem.

Combined with the passcode protected phone.

Privacy starts and ends in the bathroom for a marriage.

If your spouse needs "space" then they shouldn't be married.

Investigate and if she ends up clean set some harsh ground rules.


“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
BetrayedDad is offline  
post #95 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-19-2016, 12:52 PM
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 5,085
Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

Originally Posted by JohnA View Post
I am confused at this point. If every member of YOUR family can see her FB page where is the whoop?
People forget or don't know how facebook works. You can block who sees what to the point, you have friends within friend groups. The settings go from "me only" all the way up to global. So, until he sees her settings, this is not anything to go by at all.

We won't get into the people who have secondary accounts as well. You have the family page and the "adult" page as some of my coworkers call it.

Passwords on phone and computer
Less eye contact and holding hands...much less physical contact.
Less communication.
Staying up late on computer.
She would become annoyed easily with me.

At most check the phone bills but put your focus on getting out of your rut,
See, the problem with these lists is they make people believe you need more than one. Any one thing on this list can mean a major problem whereas, many can be possibly tied to the "rut" you just mentioned.

There are the red flags he has now mentioned. Plus, the defense of the OM who is acting starnge and not talking to her husband. Sure they could be in a rut, but I see enough to question what is going on.
phillybeffandswiss is offline  
post #96 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-19-2016, 01:01 PM
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Tampa area
Posts: 2,452
Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

Agree with philly. OP did you ever try using random letters in the hppt box that shows the site your on? So for example on this page you see Need some of that expert TAM wisdom. Go to that window and typenin the letter "s" it will generatna list of sites visited. If she used a privacy function it may not but it is worth checking. I did that to a 14 year old nephew years ago. I aiways thought the phase "as white as a ghost" was just an expression.

Oh clearing the cache, cookies, and history will not erase them.
JohnA is offline  
post #97 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-19-2016, 01:07 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 54
Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

At the event on Saturday the neighbor didn't diss me in front of my wife. She was about 30yds away talking to some other mom's when this happened. Makes no difference to me if he wants to be civil to me or not. When he was staring at me off in the distance later on my wife wasn't around me at that time.

Her not acknowledging me (and sticking up for him) when I told her about it later that night pissed me off.

I tried to get some VAR today. We have some major flooding going on right now, and was only able to go by Best Buy. They didn't have any voice activated recorders. They just had a few digital recorders. I'm assuming it says "voice activated" on the box, correct? Looked all over the box they were each in, and neither of the two said "voice activated". Will try to get by Walmart when I'm able to.

I looked at my wife's cell bill this morning when she was out, and it doesn't have the calls/texts itemized. I did however call my carrier to find out how to get her phone bill transferred to my account. I just gave her the # to call to do this, and she didn't put up any resistance.

By having her on my account I will be able to see her calls. My carrier is AT&T (I don't use them for my cell--just for my home phone). Will I be able to see the specific texts that she makes, or just how many if I ask them once she's on my account? If she deletes the texts would I be able to still see the #s texted? Will I be able to see what was specifically texted (deleted or not) if I ask them for this?
sideways is offline  
post #98 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-19-2016, 01:38 PM
kenmoore14217's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Bum Phuck NY
Posts: 439
Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

All of your vacillating tells me YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH. You're afraid of it. Regrettably, understandable.
kenmoore14217 is offline  
post #99 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-19-2016, 01:41 PM
GusPolinski's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: TX, USA
Posts: 12,151
Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

@sideways, it's worth noting that much of what's in @weightlifter's "Standard Evidence Post" thread was written w/ Sony VARs in mind.

The ICDPX333 is a good bet. You can get smaller, thinner, etc, but that may mean giving up some of the other features (micro SD slot, ability to swap batteries in and out vs charging the VAR itself, etc). Plus it's not terribly expensive.

If you want to pick up a VAR from Best Buy, do this...

1) Open new email account. Don't name the account in any way similar to any existing email accounts.

2) Browse over to and open an account there. Link it to your new email account.

3) Purchase VARs -- along w/ lithium or rechargeable batteries -- via Select the "ship to store" or "hold it for me" (can't remember the option name, and that's assuming that it's in stock) option.

4) Pick up VARs at your convenience.

Oh, and don't forget to pick up some Velcro.

As for seeing texts, calls, etc, once your wife's phone is on your account, you'll be able to see the numbers that she's calling, the numbers that are calling her, length of calls, etc. You'll see similar info for texts but not the texts themselves.

And that's only for texts sent/received via SMS. Anything sent/received via iMessage, WhatsApp, SnapChat, Kik, Viber, Line, FB Messenger, etc won't show up at all.

Also, you realize that's she's going to have to sign off on having the phone moved over, right?

Posted via Mobile Device

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."

Last edited by GusPolinski; 04-19-2016 at 01:51 PM.
GusPolinski is offline  
post #100 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-19-2016, 04:13 PM
weightlifter's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: NE US
Posts: 4,140
Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

Many walmarts carry the ICDPX333. My local WM has them and it is far from the largest.

weightlifter is offline  
post #101 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-19-2016, 07:00 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 54
Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

My wife's cell has been transferred over to my account as of this afternoon. So a little progress. She didn't resist.

Moving forward there has to be transparency in this relationship, or we're not going to make it.

Will certainly try that on her computer once I have code to get on her computer.

I don't want to throw a bunch of things on her at once as to not raise suspicion. Will do the VAR over the next few days.

Thanks. Will find it at Walmart.

I plan to go to Walmart, and will look for that brand.

I do want to know what's going on (or went on) --If anything did. Have a feeling that I won't find any proof, however it won't be by lack of trying to find it. If it happened awhile back I won't have a way to retrieve any old texts, or emails (cell or computer), because she deleted everything. As some others have found however mistakes are made, and who knows I may find something. She's pretty smart and would look to cover her tracks really well.

If I don't find anything from the past (or lately) will I be ok moving forward just trusting that nothing happened that's the question. The only other thing that I could think of would be a polygraph, but would asking for this be reasonable to ask with no proof to show her?
sideways is offline  
post #102 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-19-2016, 11:10 PM
Gabriel's Avatar
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,324
Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

My impression given everything you've said is that your wife has been a little cheeky with people about you. Maybe said a little too much. And this has generally been easy for her because you don't use social media and aren't around these people much. Kind of an outsider that happens to be your wife's husband.

And your gut is telling you something is up, but because you've been behind the scenes you aren't aware of what's been said. My alarm bells aren't ringing yet on this regarding any sort of affair. Neighbors are weird. That's common. My alarm bells are ringing, however, telling me that you aren't as involved in your wife's life as you should be, and that's causing a gap to develop between you. This gap is giving your wife a more distant feeling and she feels more freedom to talk more candidly to others about when she is upset.

Your decision to focus on improving your communication is a great step. I would advise to go a step further and make it a point to be in your wife's business a bit more. Get more involved. Take interest in what she's doing. And yes, set up a frigging Facebook account, if nothing more than to be a part of her life in that way. You don't have to post anything, but you'd be surprised at how much people (women especially) get validation from their spouse's reactions, likes, comments, etc to what they post on there. Make an effort on that, even if you never post a damn thing.

I think if you do these things you'll notice marked improvement in your communication and closeness, and you will feel better about your standing with your wife.

I hope my gut is right on this one.
Gabriel is offline  
post #103 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-20-2016, 02:04 PM
Chaparral's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 11,504
Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

They are not called var or voice activated recorders in the stores. I have no doubt what you saw at bestbuy is what you were looking for. The best one is a Sony and costs in the neighborhood of sixty dollars.
Chaparral is offline  
post #104 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-20-2016, 05:21 PM
Forum Supporter
CynthiaDe's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 4,548
Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

This is the recorder everyone is talking about: SONY ICD PX333 Digital Voice Recorder: Office Products

For more on my marriage philosophies check out the marriage section of my website:
The Feminine Review

Standard Evidence Thread:
CynthiaDe is online now  
post #105 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-20-2016, 07:31 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 54
Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

I think your assessment of the situation is right on. Thanks!

Thanks this helps. Will look for this at Walmart or another Best Buy.

Took my wife to lunch this afternoon. She apologized for defending the neighbor the other night (before she had heard me out on what was going on). I appreciate that she did this.
sideways is offline  
Sponsored Links

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
TAM Chat Thread EllisRedding The Social Spot 963 Today 03:39 PM
Shout Out to The Cool Chicks of TAM bandit.45 The Men's Clubhouse 69 04-04-2016 11:43 AM
Being on TAM aine The Ladies' Lounge 47 03-20-2016 03:52 AM
Is TAM an EA? mjgh06 General Relationship Discussion 39 03-04-2016 12:37 AM
TAM causing problems in my marriage Mulligan General Relationship Discussion 45 12-11-2015 01:35 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome