Need some of that expert TAM wisdom - Page 8 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #106 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-20-2016, 08:30 PM
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Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

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Gabriel
I think your assessment of the situation is right on. Thanks!

Chaparral/CynthiaDe
Thanks this helps. Will look for this at Walmart or another Best Buy.

Took my wife to lunch this afternoon. She apologized for defending the neighbor the other night (before she had heard me out on what was going on). I appreciate that she did this.


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post #107 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-20-2016, 08:35 PM
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Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

Further, please be careful about the VAR. This is a slippery slope. If you feel there is a legit chance your wife is cheating on you or seriously disparaging you, maybe a VAR can be used to put your mind at ease (or catch her, I suppose).

But be very, very careful. Once you go down this road, it can be addictive and drive you insane.

I am not a fan of the VAR approach except for in extreme situations where it's quite obvious that someone is cheating but you have no proof.
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post #108 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-21-2016, 06:05 PM
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Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

Work harder on your communication. Start Dating your wife again.

Did you get paswords from here ? Its been 5-6 days and you still didnt check her facebook and other accounts
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post #109 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-22-2016, 07:05 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

As I mentioned, I had her switch her cell account on to my account a few days ago, so I'll have the ability to see her call/text history.

I have not asked her for her pass codes yet (cell, laptop, iPad) even though I feel confident she'd give them to me. My thinking is if I ask her now she's going to be on to me. I'll have to make up a reason to use her car to put the VAR in (will tell her I'm taking it to my mechanic for him to look at--engine light has been coming on from time to time).
The flooding has subsided a little bit so hopefully I can get to Walmart today.

I have a feeling she has blocked me from Facebook after me seeing the vacation comment that she posted. As I said, I'm registered on Facebook, but I don't use it all. I'm not a "friend" on my wife's Facebook page, however up until a few weeks ago I could go to her page and see the last post she made as well as see who her friends were. This is how I was able to see her comment about not having a say so in family vacations. When I try do this now her name doesn't even come up in the search box (I have no way of seeing her page or even her name), but I have seen her sitting at her desk looking at Facebook. So obviously she has blocked me, correct? Will be going to check on my mom in a few minutes, and will look to see if my mom is still on her page. When I ask her for pass codes does Facebook have these?

As for asking for the codes, doesn't it make sense to hold off asking for these now until I possibly have some evidence to show her? Also, wouldn't it be wise to wait to get the VAR installed before asking her for the codes as she would possibly talk about this on her cell to whoever and if there was something going on, like people have mentioned it would go further underground?
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post #110 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-22-2016, 07:15 AM
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Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

wouldn't hurt to check her car out fully in all places anything could be hidden while your at it

I wouldn't ask for any codes at the minute as you correctly said it will certainly 'go underground' If theres some thing going on

You may be able to get her code if you can position your self near her before she opens a device up and most people stupidly use the same password on all their devices

even a hidden pinhole camera positioned were she uses her laptop may reveal the password if positioned correctly
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post #111 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-22-2016, 07:46 AM
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Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

If she's that smart, she'll have notifications "on" and be notify when someone logs into her Facebook account from an unregistered device. But that will require her username and password which you don't have. Best thing to do is either, ask a trusted person that is friends with your wife on FB and ask to see her page. Most likely, they will only be a able to see limited stuff that she post.

Best bet is a keylogger on the laptop. You'll be able to see all activity from screen shots without having to log into her accounts. You'll also capture the passwords to the accounts she logs into.

Relytec is a great keylogger for PC and very stealthy. Free for a week. Read up on it.
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post #112 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-22-2016, 07:49 AM
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Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

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I have not asked her for her pass codes yet (cell, laptop, iPad)
He needs to get into her laptop to put a key logger on hence pinhole camera or close proximity to her when she uses devices
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post #113 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-22-2016, 09:53 AM
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Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

DON'T PANIC OP.

My gut feeling on this is that what is going on may be due to the marriage getting somewhat stale.

Her comment on FB, siding with the neighbour & sex being a chore all indicate she is feeling disgruntled with you.

Sounds like the relationship needs new life breathed into it. You put your hand on the tiller & next day got an 'I love you' text. You took her to lunch & she apologised about the neighbour thing though you didn't ask her to. She didn't take any notice of you changing the phone a/c. All good signs that the problem is the relationship getting stale, not an A.

That said, for your own peace of mind you need to monitor for a while. But you must NOT have her suspect. If she's innocent it will be very destructive to the relationship. So do not ask for passcodes etc.

VAR is tricky too. Be very careful if you do it because you said she's very smart & could easily cover her tracks electronically if she was up to no good for example. Remember that she will pick up changes in your behaviour too.

For FB, get your sis to friend her if she isn't already & have your sis let you know what she posts, that is the sis who thought her previous FB comment was 'off'. If you open a FB a/c & 'friend her' she will know exactly what it's for.

A golden opportunity for (retro) snooping is you mentioned she gave her old iPhone to your son. I suggested looking for the backup for the old phone. Do you have access to the computer that old iPhone was being backed up on? The old backup folder will still be there. When you get a new device a new backup folder is created for the new device. Everything that was on her old phone will be on that old backup & it will be easily got at, discreetly. There's lots of software available that can read it.

"We just kissed".

Last edited by Moonshadow; 04-22-2016 at 08:00 PM.
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post #114 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-22-2016, 09:58 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

Checked on my mom, and while I was there I checked on her iPad and sure enough my wife is still on Facebook (and still friends with my mom). She has obviously blocked me to where I can't see anything (including even looking up her name in the Facebook search box).

Little background. My wife's father left her mom when she was around two yrs old. My wife never met this man. He never contacted her in any way. He actually died about five yrs ago. My wife's mom remarried a man when my wife was around 5 yrs old.

This guy was an alcoholic, and pretty controlling. My wife didn't really get to do much growing up. My MIL is a very simple country woman. She does whatever this guy says, and if she doesn't he won't talk to her. I'm sure my MIL also fears that he would leave her, and that this has always been in the back of her mind.

My wife, seeing all of this, was hell bent on NOT being like her mother. Her mom won't order what she wants at a restaurant. She orders exactly what her husband orders. If she did order something different it damn well better not be more expensive then what he ordered. That's how pathetic their relationship is.

My wife has gone overboard not being her mother, which in a lot of ways I'm proud of her. However if I say anything to her, I'm controlling. Let's look at our relationship.
*she doesn't have to work (SAHM)
*she goes where ever she wants to without me asking her
*she talks to whoever she wants to without me asking her
*she eats whatever she wants (when she wants)
*she drinks when she wants (or what she wants)
*I don't have her pass code on her cell nor have I asked for it
*I don't have her pass code for her computer (haven't asked)
*I don't have the code for her iPad (haven't asked)
*I'm not on her Facebook pg nor do I have that code or see her comments or emails
*I don't tell her what to wear
*She's not accountable to me to what she does during the day
*she doesn't kiss me any more
*she decides when we mess around (and for how long)
*every suggestion I have about the kids gets shot down
*she has access to our checking account however any $ she makes is hers (she has said, "that's my money")

She does whatever she wants, and if I say anything I'm controlling. I know, bash me, as it's pretty damn obvious I haven't been more demanding of her (not controlling). Again she's gone WAY overboard to not be like her mom.

So as I've said, feel like she'd give me codes when I ask for them, but in her crazy freakin viewpoint this will be me being controlling.

I know I've played a big part on where our relationship is due to me not having my hand on the tiller (as Marduk) mentioned. I will try to dig and see what I can find as the more I think about this the more pissed off I get.
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post #115 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-22-2016, 10:14 AM
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Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

So basically, you've become the doormat mother and your wife has become the domineering stepfather. No wonder she's not interested in you. She has no respect for you. Weeks now and you're still afraid to ask for the damn passwords.

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post #116 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-22-2016, 10:51 AM
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Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

Quote:
Originally Posted by sideways View Post
As for asking for the codes, doesn't it make sense to hold off asking for these now until I possibly have some evidence to show her? Also, wouldn't it be wise to wait to get the VAR installed before asking her for the codes as she would possibly talk about this on her cell to whoever and if there was something going on, like people have mentioned it would go further underground?
Do not ever show her your evidence. She knows the truth. You don't show her what you have. She doesn't need proof of what she's up to. You are the only one who needs the proof.

Yes, she could take is further underground.

Who handles the finances in your family?

For more on my marriage philosophies check out the marriage section of my website:
The Feminine Review

Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html
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post #117 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-22-2016, 10:59 AM
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Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

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As I mentioned, I had her switch her cell account on to my account a few days ago, so I'll have the ability to see her call/text history.

I have not asked her for her pass codes yet (cell, laptop, iPad) even though I feel confident she'd give them to me. My thinking is if I ask her now she's going to be on to me. I'll have to make up a reason to use her car to put the VAR in (will tell her I'm taking it to my mechanic for him to look at--engine light has been coming on from time to time).
The flooding has subsided a little bit so hopefully I can get to Walmart today.

I have a feeling she has blocked me from Facebook after me seeing the vacation comment that she posted. As I said, I'm registered on Facebook, but I don't use it all. I'm not a "friend" on my wife's Facebook page, however up until a few weeks ago I could go to her page and see the last post she made as well as see who her friends were. This is how I was able to see her comment about not having a say so in family vacations. When I try do this now her name doesn't even come up in the search box (I have no way of seeing her page or even her name), but I have seen her sitting at her desk looking at Facebook. So obviously she has blocked me, correct? Will be going to check on my mom in a few minutes, and will look to see if my mom is still on her page. When I ask her for pass codes does Facebook have these?
She changed the settings, as I mentioned in an earlier post. There are multiple levels of view settings on Facebook. So, she can have posts even certain friends can only see. I have my profile set the way you just explained. You can't even search my name to find me.
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post #118 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-22-2016, 11:20 AM
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Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

OP, I'm so sorry you're with a 'princess' or 'high maintenance' W.

You will have to change that, but NOT NOW.

Before you even bother, I would behave exactly as normal to do some heavy duty snooping, because she is off guard right now. If you start asking for passcodes you will give away your advantage. Look what happened when you told her you saw her FB. So she wants the her FB friends & family to see her FB posts, but not you??? Outrageous. You have given her a small warning that you will look at her stuff with the FB thing, so don't let her know you will look at other things. Don't ask for the passcodes.

Go into stealth mode, check the standard evidence post etc. Behave as normal.

Did you find the backup for your son's phone?

If she won't even let you see her FB, I can just imagine what she'd say if you asked for passcodes. So don't. Go check it all out for yourself.

She sounds very entitled so I'd check her out thoroughly.

"We just kissed".
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post #119 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-22-2016, 12:43 PM
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Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

Has her taste in clothing changed over the last 12 months or so and her under wear is it more adventurous

Does she spend more time applying makeup when going out with out you

Any new interests materialized
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post #120 of 213 (permalink) Old 04-22-2016, 02:00 PM
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Re: Need some of that expert TAM wisdom

First off get a GPS aa d put on her car.

Download MMSLP at link below or Amazon. Read the reviews at Amazon.
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