beenbetrayed, I divorced my ex-wife after I saw a video of her and the OM engaging in sex. She had been cheating on me for over a year, just like your wife. Did I love my wife? You bet and divorcing her was one of the most painful experiences of my life. But you know what? Love without trust is not enough for a viable marriage. As one of the posters already stated, a one night stand can be more easily overcomed but a long term affair like your wife's and my ex-wife's is simply too addicting for them to just simply end it - as many of us here have already found out first hand.
Whatever you decide, keep in mind that personal recovery for a betrayed spouse can take anywhere from 2 to 5 years to be achieved. The dreaded emotional roller coaster can be draining. And your wife will have to do the heavy lifting to regain your trust. The chances of your marriage surviving even under the best of circumstances is approximately 35%. So think this carefuly before you jump in to marital reconciliation.
I agree with the others, divorce or annul. She used you and spent your love on another man. If you don't have kids (or even if you do), you need to kick her to the curb. Separate all finances. Do not give her access to your money.
If you go through the various threads on this subject and on any infidelity forum, you will find scores of stories where there was infidelity early in the marriage, reconciliation that lasted for some time, and then the infidelity is repeated--sometimes years later--with the betrayed spouse wondering why they didn't heed the obvious warning signs...and sometimes now trapped by children and alimony obligations.
I have two words for you: (1) run! and (2) annulment.
This woman has (thankfully) revealed who she is, her lack of character, what she thinks of you, and what she thinks of marriage at a time where you can get out and start over without years of history, children, joint possessions etc. Get out while the getting is good my friend....take that money you might use for counselling and spend it on attorney fees....get er done...
She was having sex for 1.5 years and you have only been married for 3 months. She has been screwing this guy right up to the wedding and screwing him during your honeymoon period as well as putting your health at risk for STD's.
Please seek an attorney for an annulment. You would be out of your mind to stay with someone like this. You both need to get checked for STD's. Clearly her marriage vows to you were a farce. This woman has a total broken moral compass. Clearly she had no intention of ever telling you and would still be screwing this guy behind your back.
You have been married only 3 months. If the roles were reversed do you think she would be so accepting as you have been? If she had gotten pregnant by her lover I doubt she would have even told. Do not waste your life on an amoral individual as your wife. You would have to be in big time denial not to see this. Her action indicate clearly she has absolutely no respect for you or her wedding vows. If you do not respect yourself then who will? This is so unbelievable.
I'm in recovery with my husband after he had a 7 month EA/PA and also confessed to a PA 10 years ago. We've been married almost 15 years, together for 17 and have two children. I can honestly say this is the hardest and most painful thing I've ever had to go through. If we just had 7 years together, no children, and only married 3 months. . . I would've walked.
I love my husband, but trying to recover from his affairs is incredibly painful. He's doing everything he can to rebuild trust, but it will take time. He realizes why he cheated and is doing the heavy introspection to make changes in himself so it doesn't happen again. But I will always be vigilant. I will never trust him like I did the day I married him, but at least on that day he deserved my trust. Sadly, your wife did not.
I agree that you should go ahead with an annulement or divorce. If after counseling you want to marry her again, then you can have a wedding day that isn't tainted by an affair.
Check your state's family codes, in re: anulment---they are on line---just go to google type in, your state family codes---it will give you everything
Get your anulment---so you are free to move on, if that is what you need to do
This woman has been looking you in the eyes every night for 18 months, and lying to you
She has been allowing you to have sloppy 2nds, why would you wanna stay with someone, who as she was taking her vows, was spreading her legs for another---is that the kind of person you wanna love, and stay with.
She just ended it yesterday---I doubt that---you just don't dump someone cold turkey after 18 months of sex, and passion, or whatever she wants to call it
What would bother me, is, as she is standing there taking her vows, who was she thinking about you, or him
If you really want a future, with this person, get an anulment, then go from there, you can always get a judge to re-marry you, if that is what you want---but what she did to you, I don't know how you even look at her---your whole wedding was a lie!!!!!!
It's over. Your guys's posts helped a lot but I don't see how I'm ever gonna stop hurting Posted via Mobile Device
If youíve thrown the switch and itís definitely over for you, you will start grieving your loss. They say itís a month for every year together. So seven months to a year of a roller coaster of emotions is ahead of you. Including one heck of a lot of anger and sadness. Look into the grieving process so that you know you are not alone in these things, start with 7 STAGES OF GRIEF. Use your anger for positive things, most especially for becoming physically strong. I got two very big punch bags and a multigymn I could get on when I just could get rid of the anger. It does need an outlet, a constructive outlet.
When things got really bad I found that in time it passed. So when again I hit a wall of emotions Iíd say to myself ďThis too shall passĒ. And it did. You will come out of this a better and more learned man, most especially more learned about yourself. And you will come to terms with who your wife is and like me with mine you may well see her as two people, the one you knew and the one you didnít know at all.
Thank goodness that you did the right thing. You now need immediately to get checked for STD's. You are hurting now of course. In the long run you will look back at this and know that you did the correct thing. You will be much happier in the future. I guarantee it.