Been cheated on for last 1.5 years

beenbetrayed · 10-17-2011, 11:30 AM

I installed a keylogger on my computer. Man I just can't even believe what I found. She had a secret email that she used to keep in touch with him. Dated back to over a year. She was messaging him around our wedding dates, and from our honeymoon saying that she would rather be there with him. And she didn't cut contact with him even though she repeatedly swore to me that she would. I can't believe someone I trusted so much was capable of all of this. Seven years gone down the drain

aug · 10-17-2011, 11:38 AM

Sorry this happened to you.

Now you know.

Jellybeans · 10-17-2011, 11:40 AM

So what are you going to do?

beenbetrayed · 10-17-2011, 11:50 AM

its over. i left last night. im gonna have my friend pick up my stuff. i told all my family and friends so theres no coming back from it after that. she's a goddamn evil person that i want completely out of my life

crossbar · 10-17-2011, 11:51 AM

How did she react to your discovery?

beenbetrayed · 10-17-2011, 11:52 AM

she told me she loves him more than she loves me.

Almostrecovered · 10-17-2011, 11:54 AM

start doing damage control before she tries to rewrite history, expose her to everyone including her family

Entropy3000 · 10-17-2011, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beenbetrayed

I installed a keylogger on my computer. Man I just can't even believe what I found. She had a secret email that she used to keep in touch with him. Dated back to over a year. She was messaging him around our wedding dates, and from our honeymoon saying that she would rather be there with him. And she didn't cut contact with him even though she repeatedly swore to me that she would. I can't believe someone I trusted so much was capable of all of this. Seven years gone down the drain

OMG. Why in the world was she marrying you?

Entropy3000 · 10-17-2011, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beenbetrayed

its over. i left last night. im gonna have my friend pick up my stuff. i told all my family and friends so theres no coming back from it after that. she's a goddamn evil person that i want completely out of my life

Jellybeans · 10-17-2011, 11:57 AM

I would have printed out the emails where she wrote to him, especially the one from your honeymoon saying she'd rather be w/ him, and leave it on her bed/nightstandw hen you go back to get your stuff. W/o a note. Without anything. Just the email. I'd prob highlight it with a highlighter.

Sorry to hear this happened but it's better you found out now instead of 10 years from now. Sounds like she had zero intention of breaking off the affair with him.

Who is the guy? If he's married, you need to tell his wife (Save copies of the emails, too).

Almostrecovered · 10-17-2011, 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beenbetrayed

The guy is married (but separated I think) with 2 kids.

even though OM is separated, the wife still needs to know- for several reasons

1) she could be trying to reconcile with him
2) she may have no idea why he left and is blaming herself
3) she may give you even more pertinent details if she knows already, I know you've basically seen enough to divorce but knowledge is always powerful

beenbetrayed · 10-17-2011, 12:07 PM

my friend actually works with her in the same office and he wants to put everything out in the open and just ruin her rep at work. Not sure if thats a good idea. what do you guys think?

She changed the password to the email now. I did save a few of them on my phone. I don't even know how to get a hold of her wife. His facebook is blocked

Almostrecovered · 10-17-2011, 12:09 PM

try spokeo.com for the wife

Jellybeans · 10-17-2011, 12:09 PM

You have no control over what your friend does. I definitely think you need to find out who this guy's wife is and tell her about the affair her husband's been having for nearly 2 years now.

knightblaster · 10-17-2011, 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beenbetrayed

she told me she loves him more than she loves me.

I'm sorry about the trouble you're going through. Anyway you slice it, where you are now is a very painful place. It does eventually get better, with time.

The silver lining here, if there is any, is that your marriage has been relatively brief. That doesn't take much of an edge off the pain, but it does make things otherwise somewhat easier.

If she told you the quoted statement, and she was not just saying it for other reasons (and let's presume she was not), my guess is that the OM was "Plan A", but was unavailable to marry (already married to someone else), and you were "Plan B" (less wanted than Plan A but, unlike Plan A, available). At some point she may have wanted to cut it off with Plan A, but couldn't bring herself to do so, so she decided to be the OW to Plan A while marrying her Plan B so she could get both a marriage of her own and maintain her access to Plan A.

Do you know when the OM was separated? If it has been recently (last 6 months, given your schedule here), that may have also tripped your W into a mode of seeing Plan A as potentially more viable (due to potentially being available if he divorced his wife), which may also have motivated her to maintain the affair with Plan A.

Very nasty stuff indeed, really. Terrible, in fact. And terrible pain. But getting away from someone like that, as painful as it will be for you, is also much, much better for you in the medium term and beyond.