I'm not down with the polygraph. I think you should talk to her and tell her she gets one chance and one chance only to tell you everything. And that if she lies about anything or omits any part its all over, baby. Say this to her calmly but firmly. Have u ever noticed her and ur friend being flirty before? Has he tried to reach out to u since? Be checking her fone records and computer useage. Definitely get a VAR. Posted via Mobile Device
Considering this was done essentially openly, you have to assume this has be going on for quite some time. The burden of proof is on her to prove nothing more happened that it did.
Check credit cards, phone records, check the bank accounts.
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Oh and tell her no counselling until she tells you everything and even then there's no guarantee. U need to convey that u are not afraid of losing her and u won't be disrespected. Posted via Mobile Device
Again I must ask if the roles had been reversed how would she be acting? You tell her you want a polygraph because she no longer has any credibility left. If she balks you know she is probably hiding a lot more. It is up to her to regain your trust.
I asked her that today and she said "see, I knew all along". In other words she has always suspected me as being unfaithful...I'm sure this is just a response for her to deal with her infidelity.
I WILL ask her to take a polygraph, just to gauge her response.
The responses I am getting here are somewhat worrisome, I should probably go into more detail on our backgrounds and personalities so people aren't so quick to judge and suggest drastic measures -- don't get me wrong, I appreciate the advice and suggestions, I think I just need to do a more in-depth write-up of the situation.
my heart tells me this is the first time they have done this, perhaps some harmless flirting (with words) did take place prior but again, my gut tells me this was the first time.....I probably sound like I am coming off as a pushover, I'm far from that --- I want to go through this process the right way before I make any decisions that can affect my children in a negative way.
Have u ever noticed her and ur friend being flirty before? Has he tried to reach out to u since? Be checking her fone records and computer useage. Definitely get a VAR. Posted via Mobile Device
I have noticed this once before, but thought nothing of it because we are such a close knit group of friends (closer than I had thought mind you)
He reached out to me first thing the next morning and wanted to come over immediately to 'clear the air' and talk through it. I told him I couldn't deal with him that day as my emotions were too high and just wasn't thinking very clear (no sleep).
He called the next morning and apologized, said nothing was meant by it, he didn't remember (there was alot of alcohol consumed that night).
Yes, I confronted both of them that night and many doors were slammed, and yelling ensued. He went home, and I called her every name in the book...not my style normally but emotions totally took over any rationale. I'm not sure a polygraph is the answer but I will bring it up to her, and/or in counselling. I just hope this counselling can drag the truth out of her, regarding how long this has been going on. I WANT to believe it was just that one time, but I need to be certain. I really DO believe it didn't or never went beyond groping but like someone said, I feel disrespected and betrayed beyond belief.
This type of scenario is most likely much easier to see past if you don't actually see it happening with your own eyes
If confrontation and in general not being Alpha about your wife, is not your style I suggest you make it so. Your wife must know your style very well as she had no problems with humiliating you in front of others. Tell me you punched this guys lights out when you caught them.
I have noticed this once before, but thought nothing of it because we are such a close knit group of friends (closer than I had thought mind you)
He reached out to me first thing the next morning and wanted to come over immediately to 'clear the air' and talk through it. I told him I couldn't deal with him that day as my emotions were too high and just wasn't thinking very clear (no sleep).
He called the next morning and apologized, said nothing was meant by it, he didn't remember (there was alot of alcohol consumed that night).
Ok, he must go NC with you guys. He is no longer a friend. He would have banged your wife on the front lawn if she was willing. Perhaps they already have.
Sorry, but I don't buy the I do not remember. If you cannot hold your booze then do not drink. Drinking does not take away responsibility. I have never been so drunk that I would try to bang a friends wife on their front lawn.
Soooo. The consequences of his actions are that he is now NC with you and your wife.
You will come back and say that you are a close knit group and cannot go NC with him. My answer is then that these are toxic friends. Ditch them. If you care about your marriage then really a big part of the issue is the life style and friends you are keeping. I enjoy drinking. I enjoy friends. But you have to have reasonable boundaries.
There is way more to her actions than you know. She was way too comfortable in doing this. You have no reason to be so trusting.
Problem is that when a cheaters mouth is moving, they're usually lying.
Cheaters will only tell you the bare minimum to make it look like it's not as bad as it really is. And they will only admit to what you can prove. You saw them kissing and groping, then that's what she's going to fess up to..and that it only happened once because you can't prove otherwise.
What's disturbing here is that they felt comfortable enough to do this AT your home with YOU in the general vicinity. That's too comfortable in my book. What would have happened if you didn't put a stop too it?
He reached out to me first thing the next morning and wanted to come over immediately to 'clear the air' and talk through it. I told him I couldn't deal with him that day as my emotions were too high and just wasn't thinking very clear (no sleep).
He called the next morning and apologized, said nothing was meant by it, he didn't remember (there was alot of alcohol consumed that night).
You did not handle this well. You were too nice to him as if he were still your friend. He is not your friend.
You need to tell him that he is no longer a friend and that he is not welcome in your home. You need to tell him to stay away from your wife and not to contact your wife or you ever again. You need to tell your wife that she is to not to contact him ever again and that if he contacts her she is to immediately break off the contact and to tell you about it. There can be no fudging on this. This is a must.
Do not trust anything OM(your friend) or W says at this point. Try verifying everything yourself. Unless this is full blown PA or EA, chances are that you may never find any shred of evidence via email or anything else. In a situation like this, if you really want to know the truth, demanding polygraph is the only method, regardless of how some other posters feel about it.
Problem is that when a cheaters mouth is moving, they're usually lying.
Cheaters will only tell you the bare minimum to make it look like it's not as bad as it really is. And they will only admit to what you can prove. You saw them kissing and groping, then that's what she's going to fess up to..and that it only happened once because you can't prove otherwise.
What's disturbing here is that they felt comfortable enough to do this AT your home with YOU in the general vicinity. That's too comfortable in my book. What would have happened if you didn't put a stop too it?
When the WS has the audacity to cheat in the marital home with the BS present in the home, it shows familiarity. She's TT'ing big time and only admitting to what he saw. That's standard cheaters script - "If you have to admit it, ONLY admit to what they know, nothing more". Then say that was the ONLY time and nothing else has ever happened.
And now OM claims not to know what happened? Seriously? Please don't tell me you're buying any of that. Your sh!tbag friend is no friend of yours. Tell him he's no longer your friend and have no contact with you again whatsoever. Then expose to his wife/girlfriend if he has one. People need to know what kind of sh!tbag this man is who is willing to bang another man's wife in his own home. And yes, they were in the process of getting to the sex....you only just interrupted them.
Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend 
