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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 10-13-2011, 04:51 PM   #76 (permalink)
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Default Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jellybeans View Post
Good one!

Or

Extramarital Spousal Prediction
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Old 10-13-2011, 06:09 PM   #77 (permalink)
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Default Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

Extramarital Scumbag Pummeling.
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Old 10-13-2011, 06:18 PM   #78 (permalink)
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Default Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

Yeah whatever. If you know and it's relevant to your interests to let her know you know, let her know. It's not complicated. After all what's she going to do? Run out and fall on some guy's ****? Already did that...
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Old 10-13-2011, 09:16 PM   #79 (permalink)
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Default Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

Hey burnt---you do not need anything more than what you saw, and suspect---the flirting---the waiting till you went to bed, then her making out, and you not confronted, they very well may have gone all the way

Your so called neighbor is a real POS, he can't keep his own wife, so now he wants yours

Your problem was/is---alcohol or not---your wife knew what she was doing every step of the way---and she did it right in front of you, and with her own kids in the house---(wasn't in front of you, but she knew you were upstairs), and she still cheated----where did she think this was all gonna end

How is she dealing---is there remorse, contriteness---what does she say as to WHY she was so willing to wreck the mge????
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Old 10-14-2011, 01:06 AM   #80 (permalink)
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Default Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

I think Burnt has left the building...
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Old 10-14-2011, 07:46 AM   #81 (permalink)
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whoa, lot's of replies since yesterday.
couple of updates, wife went to counselor and they basically told her she did it on purpose (subconsciously), and wanted me to find out, so she would get the added attention from me that she was craving. Not sure what to think of that, because she never complained or said anything was lacking. The other item she kept close to her is that when she was very young, she was heavier and not attractive and always thought she was "ugly & fat" since her teens...even though she is quite the opposite now, she's never been able to shake that self consciousness. Counselor told her when she heard someone say she was "attractive and very desirable" this summer, she needed to hear that from more than just me, and she responded to it last weekend. She is going to continue with counselling until that part of her insecurity is figured out, then we'll go together for counselling about the state of our relationship.

We go for a walk now every day after work so we can talk through this and ask questions, I keep asking about further incidents and she is continuing to say no, I mentioned if she would be willing to take a polygraph and there was zero hesitation, followed by a enthusiastic yes...that was good to hear.

there are many questions on here that I haven't answered, right now I don't have time to go through them all...maybe on the weekend. Can someone summarize all the questions and put them on one post???...kidding.

that's it for now...
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Old 10-14-2011, 08:33 AM   #82 (permalink)
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So, the official diagnosis is it was due to your W's insecurity, is it? As plausible as it is, I still think it's a lame excuse. Don't let her off the hook so easily. Not all insecure women engage in such act as your W did.

And, the part about her wanting to get found out... Do you really buy this? Well, she's your W, and you should know her better.

I wonder what your friend, OM's excuse is. Is he insecure too? It seems as long as you provide a plausible reason, anything can be excused and explained away. Just not right.
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Old 10-14-2011, 08:39 AM   #83 (permalink)
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Default Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

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Originally Posted by burnt View Post
whoa, lot's of replies since yesterday.
couple of updates, wife went to counselor and they basically told her she did it on purpose (subconsciously), and wanted me to find out, so she would get the added attention from me that she was craving. Not sure what to think of that, because she never complained or said anything was lacking. The other item she kept close to her is that when she was very young, she was heavier and not attractive and always thought she was "ugly & fat" since her teens...even though she is quite the opposite now, she's never been able to shake that self consciousness. Counselor told her when she heard someone say she was "attractive and very desirable" this summer, she needed to hear that from more than just me, and she responded to it last weekend. She is going to continue with counselling until that part of her insecurity is figured out, then we'll go together for counselling about the state of our relationship.
Did you hear all of the above from the counselor yourself or is this only what the wife told you the counselor said?

I suspect that you did not hear it directly from the counselor. Counselors do not talk that way. Your wife is spinning what the counselor said into what you want to hear to make everything all better.

According to this, it is not your wife's fault really. The blame shifting has now begun. You want this to go away so badly that you now will let her off the hook without real consequences and without knowing the full story.

It is easy to lie to someone that wants to believe. To someone that needs to believe for their their world to go back to the way it was. Although convenient for the here and now, it is not a good thing in the long run.
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Old 10-14-2011, 08:40 AM   #84 (permalink)
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Default Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

not at all, assumptions like this are what causes forums topics to get derailed.

when this came out in the diagnosis, this was new to me and was pulled out from her from the counselor. this issue is her problem, and her problem alone and needs to be dealt with first as a separate matter.

when the whole story, diagnosis, therapy or whatever else is done, I can decide what is fact vs fiction.
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Old 10-14-2011, 08:44 AM   #85 (permalink)
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Default Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

This sounds like good news and hope everything works out, praying for it too.

Did therapist relay this info to you or was it all from your wife and her interpretation.

From the way you said they were behaving toward each other all evening it all sounded like a set up deal. Ran into the same situation many years ago with a serious girlfriend. Later she said we should date other people. LOL

Last edited by Chaparral; 10-14-2011 at 08:56 AM.
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Old 10-14-2011, 08:47 AM   #86 (permalink)
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Default Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

Burnt, love you man, and sorry for your pain, but you are in serious denial here. I suggest you go for your own counseling post haste, you need to find out why you allow yourself to be a doormat for your wife. Seriously, go find a counselor like now!
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Old 10-14-2011, 08:58 AM   #87 (permalink)
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Default Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

ok, last post for today...must get some work done.

-nothing is being spun
-wife has admitted this is her fault, 100%
-the self conscious issue is a separate matter, contributing, not a reason or a excuse for her actions.
-she is nowhere near being off the hook, in fact quite the opposite.
-this will take time to figure out.
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Old 10-14-2011, 09:26 AM   #88 (permalink)
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Default Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

Cool, but interesting you have not stated that you personally heard this from the counselor.
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Old 10-14-2011, 09:30 AM   #89 (permalink)
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I think this is great news that she was enthusiastically willing to take a polygraph. Because of this reaction I believe it was indeed a one time event.
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Old 10-14-2011, 09:34 AM   #90 (permalink)
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Default Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

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I think this is great news that she was enthusiastically willing to take a polygraph. Because of this reaction I believe it was indeed a one time event.

I tend to agree, however, I do think that doing some investigation and verifying is certainly a very good idea
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