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Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

103K views 154 replies 41 participants last post by  Chaparral 
#1 ·
Hello,

3 days ago, we had a party at our place, many drinks were had, good food, conversation etc. I observed my wife being extra attentive to one of my friends, as the night carried on I just wanted to go to bed, but she, nor my friend did so they stayed up. Being a trusty person by nature, I went to bed....but then couldn't help but think something was going on, I looked outside and saw both of them kissing/groping each other. Right then, my perfect world seemed to implode and I knew this would be the end...my wife and my friend making out, etched in my memory for ever, how could I ever get over this. I'm at day 3 now and we're talking and seeking counsel, but I can't get past this.
She assures me it was nothing more than what I saw, and never was anything prior to that evening.
Reading this board I see much worse things were a couple have conconciled over.
WTF is the next step here.??/All i can see is red and want a divorce. my kids are so important so I really don't want to screw this up and make the wrong decision....I know I need to chill for a while before I make any decisions but can someone tell me something...
 
#125 ·
I'll get the cojones to post my story some time---but I walked in on my wife and best childhood friend and best man--- and wound up in the hospital . We are together now. I have permanent injuries I'm grateful for in an odd way. We find blessings, whatever they are, in the oddest outcomes.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#129 ·
I'm a VP at a Fortune 500 company....not sure why it matters but since you asked.

I am - more importantly a cheater....

So let me share a different perspective.

First off, you need to seek advice from people other than the betrayed. They are one source you must have but as you can see it's not a balanced perspective. Most of the long time posters in such forums are betrayed, bitter (rightfully so) and have "an experience" they feel applies to all - and often they are right, but not always. Your wife may have slipped up once, she may be remorseful, and if you both care you can reconcile.

Her immediate willingness to take a polygraph says a lot to me. Her willingness to immediately go into counseling says a lot to me.

As a cheater, I can tell you I do believe it is rare that it's a slip. something is missing, something made her vulnerable, she is seeking something she is not getting from her marriage - and I don't quite believe it's validation that she is attractive. We all enjoy such praise, but it's no rationalization for infidelity.

Like the betrayed....my view is colored by my own experience....but it took a lot to get me to cross that line. It wasn't some flip moment. I'd dig deeper here. We always blame the cheater and they (me) are always to blame for the cheating act, but I believe rare is the cheater in a fulfilling and healthy relationship. More often I believe there is more deficiencies at play, and they are things both need to address.

We love to call cheaters cake eaters, in a "fog", and a myriad of other things. That may all be well and true in the context of the affair, but at the end of the day the fundamental relationship is often flawed and you'll need to look inward as well to address such problems.

Just one more opinion, value it to your liking......
 
#132 ·
constuction worker

constuction worker that got cheated on by my W of 20 yrs

constuction worker with 2 teenage kids

construction worker that made it thought the f`ck pain of infidelity

construction worker that hangs out at TAM to help outhers with the same sh~t I went through and thinks its b~llsh~t that someone has to ask what I do for a living to make my perspective either diluted or valided to make a difference.

Sorry for the languege, that just how *the guy* that builds prisons, healther care facilities, offices for engineers, and homes that we all live........... n talks to friends.


Next point, fix this crap between you and your chick so it dont happen again !!!!!!!!
 
#138 ·
Unless, burnt, and I hope I'm wrong, you're one of these overeducated, overachieving pinheads who thinks that anyone lower than a PhD is not worth your important time.
 
#142 ·
I'm skeptical for a living........

First he notices his wife and recently divorced good friend getting drunk and being overly friendly

Second he conveniently leaves them alone together to get their freak on

Third he just happens to wake up or wait up until he can catch them tongue lashing and fondling each other.

Fourth she only did it because she used to be fat and we know why good friend did it.

Fifth he insults posters on TAM who are trying to help him with a situation they have unfortunately been familiar with.

Sounds like a fake. Which would be good in that adultery did not happen. In any event poster comes off as inappropriately arrogant.
 
#144 ·
There seems to be a type of poster that gives a sad story about how things have gone wrong for them and how they have made some bad decisions handling things. Then they start picking on posters who give them advice. To me that is trolling. i.e. sucking in people who provide sincere advice and then trying to come off as superior. I guess a form of entertainment.

I think a more valid question would be what experince folks have. My occupation is on my profile. So are the number of years of marriage. Many people with awesome careers are the most challenged in relationships because they have put their career over family. Choices.

That said. I would rather have a faithful wife and no vacation home than three vacation homes and wife banging some guy from two homes down. That is just me.
 
#149 ·
So, in other words, burnt, you're going to ignore all of us and our advice (who have helped hundreds of people through affairs) because we're not trained therapists and one trained therapist told your wife things are gonna be fine.
We never got confirmation that the therapist said exactly this. So very possible the wife just told him this is what the therapist said.
 
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