Saw Wife Cheating with my friend
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Old 10-12-2011, 05:00 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

Hello,

3 days ago, we had a party at our place, many drinks were had, good food, conversation etc. I observed my wife being extra attentive to one of my friends, as the night carried on I just wanted to go to bed, but she, nor my friend did so they stayed up. Being a trusty person by nature, I went to bed....but then couldn't help but think something was going on, I looked outside and saw both of them kissing/groping each other. Right then, my perfect world seemed to implode and I knew this would be the end...my wife and my friend making out, etched in my memory for ever, how could I ever get over this. I'm at day 3 now and we're talking and seeking counsel, but I can't get past this.
She assures me it was nothing more than what I saw, and never was anything prior to that evening.
Reading this board I see much worse things were a couple have conconciled over.
WTF is the next step here.??/All i can see is red and want a divorce. my kids are so important so I really don't want to screw this up and make the wrong decision....I know I need to chill for a while before I make any decisions but can someone tell me something...
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Old 10-12-2011, 05:17 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

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Hello,

I know I need to chill for a while before I make any decisions but can someone tell me something...
Do this. Chill before doing anything life-changing. You can work this out if you want, and she wants. Who the hell is your "friend" to do this to you? What a freaking a$$ hole!

Counseling is good. Do not let your wife off the hook. It is very possible this was not the first time she got this friendly with your "friend". They were so comfortable with each other, that they were flirting right in front of you!

Hold her accountable. If she is very remorseful, you are off to a good start. But if she tries to rug-sweep this, look out.
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Old 10-12-2011, 05:22 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

Make her get a polygraph and come fully clean about what she has been doing.

As for the friend, he should now be dead to both of you. If she ever contacts him or responds she is gone.
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Old 10-12-2011, 05:27 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

Did you confront them? What did you say to her and what'd she say? I'm sorry this happened. He needs to be axed from your life forever. I hope you call him out on what he did if you haven't already.
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Old 10-12-2011, 05:36 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

I second Shaggy. You should demand polygraph !

Just because you found them making out, that does not mean that was the extent of their relationship. They could have been carrying on full PA for some time already. You really do not know, and you should not assume anything. Also, most importantly, do not trust anything your W says at this point!

Also, send NC, and cut off your friend who really isn't your friend.
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Old 10-12-2011, 05:48 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

I disagree with a polygraph exam. Polygraphs aren't reliable enough to be admissible in court, so I wouldn't count on one to help decide my marriage.

I would go NC with the OM and insist on transparency with your wife. Also, start snooping. Put keyloggers on her computer, put a VAR in her car, and put spyware on her phone (if possible). You should get a good picture of what she's doing based on those.
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Old 10-12-2011, 06:11 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

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She assures me it was nothing more than what I saw, and never was anything prior to that evening.
Reading this board I see much worse things were a couple have conconciled over.
Reading "this board" you will see that the cheating spouse will always claim that what you know about is all that ever happend. They never admit to more than you know. Reading this board you will also see that there is almost more to the story then what you happened to learn about.

Additionally, although she may be daring enough to steal a quick groping kiss on the front lawn, she would not sleep with someone on the front lawn. She would be far more careful when she does that, and it would be unlikely that you would have caught her doing that. You should treat the groping kiss as a tip off that something wrong is going on and not as the full event.

I am sorry to say that odds are that there is more to the story as it is very unlikely that you would catch her the very first time.
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Old 10-12-2011, 06:12 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

You have got to be kidding me. She is trying to make it like it was nothing. Excuse me but:
1. You saw her groping and making out with a friend. (You need to notify this so called friends wife or girlfriend if he has one).
2. She made out with him at your home where you were throwing a party.
3. She made out with him at your home while she thought you were upstairs in your bed.

This shows she clearly has no respect for you whatsoever. How could you not think that she has been doing these things before and with other men?
Her disrespect to you is enormous doing this with a friend of yours outside in front of your home? If the roles were reversed do you think she would be so accepting as you have been? No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change.

She clearly did not even care if she got caught since it was so brazen in front of your home. Her actions indicate that she has little respect for you or your marriage. If you do not respect yourself then who will. Polygraphs are highly reliable but not 100% which is why they are not admissible.

You have huge problems in your marriage for your wife to humiliate and disrespect you in such a manner. I am fearful for you that there is more to the story than you know. There must be severe consequences to her actions. Do you think if she knew that you would have immediately divorced her if she ever cheated on you that this would have happened? Do you think even if she was caught that you would accept this anyway. I guarantee that there is more to this story and more to your wife's life than you know.
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Old 10-12-2011, 06:13 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

wow, busy wednesday- what a shame

burnt start implementing spy tech to verify anything your wife tells you
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Old 10-12-2011, 06:26 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

Yes, I confronted both of them that night and many doors were slammed, and yelling ensued. He went home, and I called her every name in the book...not my style normally but emotions totally took over any rationale. I'm not sure a polygraph is the answer but I will bring it up to her, and/or in counselling. I just hope this counselling can drag the truth out of her, regarding how long this has been going on. I WANT to believe it was just that one time, but I need to be certain. I really DO believe it didn't or never went beyond groping but like someone said, I feel disrespected and betrayed beyond belief.

This type of scenario is most likely much easier to see past if you don't actually see it happening with your own eyes
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Old 10-12-2011, 06:55 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

i agree with the eyes part.

u mentioned "drinks were had..." how drunk were they? do u know, really know? u see where i'm going with this dont ya?

not to make excuses for them nor give u a stronger "foothold" for denial purposes but, as u know booze is quite the sexual
uninhibitor when inbibed too much. maybe, just maybe he hasnt
been "doing" her on the side/sly. whats yer "gut" tell u?
____are peculiar (hard to say) traits?

hopefully for yer sake, thats all it was....horny drunks etc.

yet at the same time, this drunkeness still cannot hide the fact
that she's finding someone elses (schlong) groping/kissing more
appealing than your own variety.

not good. not good i say.

keep us posted.

shalom.
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Old 10-12-2011, 06:57 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

Again I must ask if the roles had been reversed how would she be acting? You tell her you want a polygraph because she no longer has any credibility left. If she balks you know she is probably hiding a lot more. It is up to her to regain your trust.
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Old 10-12-2011, 07:07 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

First off, you don't ASK her to take a polygraph, you demand it. Next, she has complete transparency and complete honesty. Either put up the boundaries or divorce her.
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Old 10-12-2011, 07:29 PM   #14 (permalink)
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First off, you don't ASK her to take a polygraph, you demand it. Next, she has complete transparency and complete honesty. Either put up the boundaries or divorce her.
I agree. When it comes to polygraph, you should demand it. Even if you never intended to go thru with it, just observing her response gives you glimse of valuable information into her mindset. If she vehimently denies it withough a good reason, you have a huge red flag. If she agrees reluctantly, it means there is TT going on. If she is willing, then it means she is either being truthful or calling it bluff or willing to try beating the test.

Although poly is not bullet proof, it is quite effective to average Jon Doe's.
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Old 10-12-2011, 07:29 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Saw Wife Cheating with my friend

Your wife showed no respect for you or your marriage to "make out" with you there. That's brazen. All this means is that she has reached a point where she doesnt really care deep inside about you.

No matter what she says now, she's in damage control mode.

Dont trust what she says.

Protect yourself financially now! For example, no joint bank accounts or credit cards.
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