trying to cope with wife's infidelity

sivy · 10-12-2011, 10:09 PM

hi i'm new here, lookin for advice.

my story
about 4 weeks ago, my wife told me she slept with someone once, i'm trying to deal with it, last week she found out she could have bioplar. i've forgiven her for this and tried to move on from this for me and for our two kids. even though whenever she wants to go out and i tell her i feel uncomfortable with her constent going out she still does that. whenever she comes home really late from a nite out i question her bout being back so late i always feel like its my fault and i'm almost pushing her out to her friends who i feel are a bad influence. i just seem to have a constent need for her to be with me rather than going out so i'm being to needy and i know i am but i cant stop myself from doing this. i just have no idea in how to deal with this or anything, its cause me not to sleep and just worry.

any help would be grateful

Shaggy · 10-12-2011, 10:12 PM

She cheated and you have let her continue going out late with the girls ! Seriously? So she cheated, yet faced no consequences and didnt change her behavior ?

Big mistake bro. She gave up the freedom of going out when she broke her vows and cheated.

What consequences have you imposed upon her in order for her to no be divorced and kicked out?
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sivy · 10-12-2011, 10:18 PM

i love her so much, i dont want to lose her, or to not see the kids everyday. i asked her to pick her friends or me. at first she choose me. then she started to go back out with them. i suppose the bioplar isnt helping the situation as i dont want her to face this on her own. i just have so many feelings i just dont know what to do for the best.

Shaggy · 10-12-2011, 10:21 PM

You won't keep her by indulging her charting. Bipolar or not she has to know you will not avccept her cheating or she will loose her family.

Time for you to stop accepting and to call her on her choice to cheat.
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sivy · 10-12-2011, 10:23 PM

cheers for the advice, its just so hard in what to do.

Shaggy · 10-12-2011, 10:26 PM

Well here is your choice: let her continue to cheat and live in an open marriage with her, or demand she stop or else leave.

Frankly in both cases you stand to loose her, but only in the second one do you have even a chance to have any self respect.
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the guy · 10-12-2011, 10:26 PM

If you love her so much, why don't you let her bring her boy friend home? She might get home earlier?

sivy · 10-12-2011, 10:30 PM

its not so easy when there's kids involved. not seeing them everyday, morning and evening would kill me.

Shaggy · 10-12-2011, 10:32 PM

Avtally, if she s cheating she leaves not you!

Why do men always think they are the ones to leave?
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sivy · 10-12-2011, 10:34 PM

cause courts always favour the mother. plus its an council house.

Shaggy · 10-12-2011, 10:37 PM

Look, you need to stand up and really mean it. Be the strong alpha male to keep her in line. Otherwise can you accept her cheating? Can you be her cuckokd watching the kids while she dates?
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the guy · 10-12-2011, 10:37 PM

Sorry for the sarcasim, I've been there, I know better, this sh~t sucks.
Best advice here and it worked for me....tough love, with confidence.
Until you can stop begging for your marriage and wish your wife the best and are willing to move on, you empower her to continue.

If you want to empower your self then have the confidence that you will find another love and you will not control her and you can move on.
See it then will be her choice, to stop and do what needs to be done to keep you around.

Don't get srewed and think you have to do the work to keep her...#1 mistake!!!! Doing this will empowering her.

#1 possible fix here is walking away with a smile on your face ... yes hard as hell but most effective, but empowering for your self.

So no cring or begging, wish her the best and and ask her to leave.

the guy · 10-12-2011, 10:39 PM

sivy,
Your thinking to far ahead, with the kids!
Think about now and how you want your wife to view you today!

sivy · 10-12-2011, 10:41 PM

thanks for the advice i do need to get my respect and pride back, the problem is walking out on the kids i just cant do and bottom line is i'm still crazy about her. maybe i'm worried none else would love me.

the guy · 10-12-2011, 10:42 PM

Dude its been 4 week and she still stays out b/c she has your number.
The most evil thing is having the power to manipulate someone b/c of the kids. Its so wrong, but she knows she has you as long as the kids are there. This sh~t is pur black mail.

Please empower your self and ask you wife to leave!!!!