driven2112

I started a thread called "EA to the next level" a while back, and I would just like some advice with respect to some new developments. Through downloading a keylogger, I have been able to identify OM, and also have discovered that EA (PA?) has been going on for about a year and a half (never realized it), and not just a short while, as W had indicated on D-day. She still insists that she is leaving because of my lack of communication , etc. (see above thread), but I now know that this EA was getting more intense for quite some time, and that our last fight was just an excuse for her to break it off. The OM is a well-known guy in our community, whom I personally know, but from what I know of his personal life, has been married twice, is a year or so older than me, not that physically attractive (ie. not a step up), and is not all that well-respected among his peers (he is a firefighter). His wife (whom I have never met, and as far as I know, is still married to him), runs a local coffee shop in town. I don't know if they still live together, but I know WW and OM still sneak around, and WW is paranoid about me finding out. How should I (or even, should I) approach his wife? Is using a keylogger to access e-mail passwords illegal? Even though I did this, I have some regrets. Any reasonable advice is appreciated.

the guy

Contact the OMW and inform her who you are and simply tell her that your W and her H are having affair and if or when she wants the proof....give her your contact info and leave it at that.


Remember this cheating crap is hard to except and do not push any thing on her. Just keep it short and simply.

Let her do the rest after she absorbs the painfull news. Swallowing this kind of news is hard, she my be in denial, she may already now, but what ever be as gentle as possible and be quick about it. Details can always come later if she chooses to contact you.

She then has the choice to believe you and call you, already know and call you later to confirm stories, and/or never call you until days later after she realizes the possiblity and see the red flags that will make her face the reality.

sadcalifornian

In a big picture, how you inform the WW really does not make much difference, as long as you can manage to do it without getting caught by WW or OM. In your case, OMW runs a coffee shop, you said? Then, simply drive over there yourself, introduce yourself and ask to talk. Make sure you bring all the evidence of communication by printing them out.

Once the A is exposed to OMW, the situation will take a drastic turn to a different phase for all involved. In an ideal situation, OMW threatens D to OM, OM dumps your WW, and WW runs back to you all crushed and humbled. However, you never know how "your" WW may react in her case. At that point, if she still seems adamant about wanting to D, you go ahead with full exposure to everyone, I mean, everyone including your relatives and friends and neighbors with all the gory details of A, since you would have absolutely nothing to lose. This 2nd exposure may not change her mind, but you protect your integrity and reputation at least that you are not at fault in this.

the guy

HAving evidence in had makes sence, it gives your accusation more vadility.
It would then be her choice to take it right there or ask for it later.