back together

jenn123 · 12-16-2008, 09:53 AM

I posted a thread before titled Emotional Affair, please help. This was back in October I believe. You may want to read that to get an idea of what happened between my husband and I.

We spent some time apart and have since gotten back together. We have moved away to another state and have gotten settled in our new home. We were working on our relationship for a while...things were going well. Then I found out that he had texted his now former co-worker. She hadn't texted him back and there had been no other communication between them since he got out of there. This little bit on contact bothered me to no end though. It blew away any trust that I had rebuilt up for him. It made me feel like he hadn't gotten over her...that maybe he still has feelings for her. He broke down, started crying, begging for forgiveness...I told him his actions speak louder than his words. He gave up his phone to me as a sign of his trustworthiness but I'm having a really hard time with this. I'm worried that if I give it back to him he'll just start to text her again...her number has been deleted but still, how do I know he doesn't remember it? I'm having serious trust issues now and that upsets me. Trust is so important in marriage.

Since this happened he has been trying very hard to make it up to me. He hasn't had any contact with her and he says he doesn't want to talk to her. He's been more affectionate and we're doing more things together. My problem is that I can't forget...I can't get it out of my head...not just this last thing. That just helps bring up the other stuff that happened before...the stuff that I was starting to get over and to forgive him for. It was so difficult for me and we were making progress...was all that a waste?

StrongEnough · 12-16-2008, 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenn123

I posted a thread before titled Emotional Affair, please help. This was back in October I believe. You may want to read that to get an idea of what happened between my husband and I.

We spent some time apart and have since gotten back together. We have moved away to another state and have gotten settled in our new home. We were working on our relationship for a while...things were going well. Then I found out that he had texted his now former co-worker. She hadn't texted him back and there had been no other communication between them since he got out of there. This little bit on contact bothered me to no end though. It blew away any trust that I had rebuilt up for him. It made me feel like he hadn't gotten over her...that maybe he still has feelings for her. He broke down, started crying, begging for forgiveness...I told him his actions speak louder than his words. He gave up his phone to me as a sign of his trustworthiness but I'm having a really hard time with this. I'm worried that if I give it back to him he'll just start to text her again...her number has been deleted but still, how do I know he doesn't remember it? I'm having serious trust issues now and that upsets me. Trust is so important in marriage.

Since this happened he has been trying very hard to make it up to me. He hasn't had any contact with her and he says he doesn't want to talk to her. He's been more affectionate and we're doing more things together. My problem is that I can't forget...I can't get it out of my head...not just this last thing. That just helps bring up the other stuff that happened before...the stuff that I was starting to get over and to forgive him for. It was so difficult for me and we were making progress...was all that a waste?

What he did was really dumb and could not have come at a worst time. You both were still healing from the EA and trying to rebuild trust in your relationship. I am so sorry to hear that this happened. I sincerely hope he does not contact her again. Did you guys go to any marriage counseling? Do you think it would help or even individual counseling for yourself?

MarkTwain · 12-16-2008, 11:38 AM

The quickest way to make sure he never cheats again is to be the best wife you can. The must have been a reason. Don't give him one. Then if he does it again, you will be clear on what your options are.

jenn123 · 12-23-2008, 11:19 PM

Thank you for your advice. To answer your question about counseling...I would like to and he is open to marraige counseling as well but it's something that we cannot afford right now. Ever since that last time he contacted her things have been better for us. I think maybe I got through to him that I am not going to just sit around and allow this to happen. He seems to be working hard to show me he's serious about this relationship.

Initfortheduration · 12-24-2008, 06:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenn123

Thank you for your advice. To answer your question about counseling...I would like to and he is open to marraige counseling as well but it's something that we cannot afford right now. Ever since that last time he contacted her things have been better for us. I think maybe I got through to him that I am not going to just sit around and allow this to happen. He seems to be working hard to show me he's serious about this relationship.

Once you get health insurance at your jobs. You should be (or can ask) for a list of therapists which take your insurance. Find someone you both like. Good luck