MichelleG

Hi All,

I can't talk to anyone I know about this, thankfully found your site. We've been married over 20 years, 3 kids. We both work opposite nights so one of us is always here with the boys, which means we don't spend much alone time as a couple.

Years ago (before the internet) I found out he was running up bills calling 900 numbers -having phone sex with strangers. I was disgusted, felt like I was being cheated on, took our only child at the time, went home to my folks. He begged me to come back, begged them to talk me into coming back. I'm Catholic (Divorce is a big No-No) - My Folks said - he made a mistake, he's a good guy, don't split up your family, try and work things out - like a fool I went back to him.

Along comes the Internet - he's totally addicted to porn. The rare times we have sex - shortly after, he's back in his "Den" on the computer, back to the porn sites. I am not an unattractive person, so going to look at other people having sex immediately after we do - totally offends me. We've had lots of fights about it, told him if the type of women in the videos are what he's looking for (fake boobs, fake hair - fake everything), he needs to leave and let me find a Man who only has eyes for me. He had the typical "guy" response, I was just curious, got bored, etc... Until the other day, I thought he was just looking at porno sites, had no idea he was actually talking to people in chat sites about sex.

We had a rare night off the other night, we were in his Den watching TV, I went on the computer to check the weather - saw that his home page with his e-mail was up (It never is - he has a secret password, so I'd never seen his mail). He'd been acting weird and distant lately, so when he went downstairs for a minute, I looked at his mail and got the shock of my life. There was an e-mail from a MAN - something about plans to get together again for oral sex. The e-mail had a series of posts they'd sent each other. The guy asked my husband to remind him who he was - said, oh I remember you and described my husband exactly - then said, just let me know when and where you want to meet.

I swear to God, it was like someone pulled the floor out from under me, my whole world came crashing down in that split second. I was shaking uncontrollably when he came back upstairs, showed him the e-mail, told him I knew something wasn't right, but couldn't believe it was with a man. He told me I had it all wrong - said he had too much to drink one night when I was at work, went in a chat room and some "gay guy" was hitting on him. He said he was bored and just messing with the guy pretending he'd get together with him and I was out of my mind taking it serious.

I was shaking so bad, grabbed my keys and drove around for awhile. I confronted him yesterday - no yelling or screaming, just asked him what the Hell was going on. He said he's not gay and was sorry he went in that chat room, it was a big mistake, blah, blah, blah. I told him it was interesting that this guy knew exactly what he looked like and had his e-mail address. Hubby said, I told him what I look like and you can get someones e-mail address in chat rooms - really - can you? If he was just "messing with the guys head", like he said, why on earth would you tell a total stranger exactly what you look like, instead of making something up?

I'm sick, my stomach's in knots, he's destroyed Christmas, he's destroyed our Family. I told him I can't live with him and his weirdness anymore - he offered to move out, but we couldn't afford the mortgage and an apartment for him - it's just a big mess. He swears he loves me, it was all a misunderstanding, but I've known him since I was 19 and know when he's lying, I couldn't trust him again as far as I could throw him.

If anyone has read my rambling - I need some advice.

babyblues7

Michelle,

I had a similar problem with my husband. He looked to the internet to satisfy his sexual urges. Right after we got married I found some lewd messages on his phone, very nasty messages. I felt like you did, devastated. I thought I knew my husband and I thought that he would never do something like that to me, at least not after only a month of marriage.

Anyways, this continued and I honestly think it is still continuing. I have found where he has wanted women to call his cell number to have phone sex and he has exchanged nude and explicit photos with strange woman over his cell phone and the internet. I know this because I have a keylogger on my computer that logs everything he types. I was curious as to if he was telling me the truth so I installed this shortly after I found that he had been having "cybersex" with women.

I too found where he had talked to another man on the internet in a chat room in a sexual manner. He said like your husband that it was just something funny to do.

However, whether he be gay or not. This kind of activity is not acceptable. You dont do it. You rely on him to provide you with your sexual desires and so should he.

I felt very disgusted with my partner and that I didnt even know who he was. I do think he has a problem. Men are more visually stimulated and with the ease nowadays to view these types of things more and more of this is happening.

I have to say this caused me to seek outside my marriage for male company. I had an affair because of all this stuff. You need to put your foot down and tell him exactly how you feel and you need to really get your point across to him so there are no mixed feelings about how this is bothering you. I really hope things can change for you. It took my husband almost 2 years to really jump out of it, however I know he still gets caught up in from time to time.

Alot of it I think is boredom and like I said conveince of how easily accesible it is.

Good luck to you.

bo0

I could not see myself in your situation. I have no idea what I would do. Its hard to look at somebody the same after you see things like that.

Im sorry your going through this. After 20 years of marriage?!?!?

It could be simple boredom and curiosity, but... Its really suspect.

Hope you make it through!

AnnLovesJohn

Sorry that this happened to you!

xxNikkixx

I am so sorry this is happening to you. Its terrible, I am in an almost identical situation, an I, too, am completely sick and lost.