Originally Posted by sadcalifornian View Post
You can ignore the posts that you don't agree. Even the snooping advices are born out of experiences of such needs, which have been proven time and time again valid. It's not just for the "proof", but so that you know what is exactly going on behind your back.
Anyway, you come across rude and stubborn. Is this the side of you your W has been enduring all these years?
Wow.... so..... your saying this is my fault? Great... I think everyone likes to hear "Listen to me - if you don't listen to me - I'm done with you" I think men dealing with cheating wives want to hear that its their fault. Don't you wish your doctor, friends, parents etc all said that kind of thing to you? I also love the advise that therapy is a waste of time. For real? Really?
I'm quite sure that I have been screwed over by my wife of 20+ years with this guy. Again - I've snooped already. I have the phone records and her admission that this went too far. Do I need to know more? Right now I need to know I'm not going to have a stroke over this. I'm not far from the D-Day" and I'm (honestly) seriously flipping my wig. - like give me drugs so I don't drop dead level stuff. I know that some of you just were tough macho types and said, "Lawyer up *****" and got a D and moved on - no sweat. Great... Good for you. I've already been there and done that. And no - it wasn't because I was a rude jerk or angry etc.
My point is that I'm in a bad bad place and this is knowing what I already know. I'm pretty sure getting more info is not going to be good for me at this time.
One person said to take care of yourself and that advice has really helped. The other advice that I truly value was "make a plan" and I have. It involves taking care of myself first so I can do anything else. For me it means couples therapy *Which is where this came out and it was the efforts of the therapist that made it happen or at least helped. A plan that says "Keep going with what has worked" seems to me like at least a fair plan. Right? Wrong? I'm probably a bit older (And crabbier) then most of you and I'm not in super good shape health wise. So, the other part of my plan was the take care of yourself first suggestion so - I've talked this over with my Doc and with the Doc's help I'm not worrying that I'm going to croak from thinking about this over and over and over. The advice I got from the Doc (Who says this is not uncommon - and they have dealt with this many times) has been good. The doc btw didn't tell me "Do this or I'm done with you" Which I think was very professional. The doc didn't tell me that this was my fault either.
Whatever you want to suggest or demand from me. In the end this is my life and my problem. Ok? If you gents feel so strongly that I'm wrong? Ok, but don't expect me to love hearing that this is my fault and how much I'm a waste of your time because I don't do this like you want.
I came to learn what others have - but I haven't signed an oath to do it.
Most of you have been nice and a valued resource. I think that some of you think you have all the answers and know everything about this situation (and us) from reading a few posts. I think some of the posts have been arrogant and rude. So I responded. If you don't like the thread or how I react to your posts? Or me saying "F off?" maybe thats harsh and maybe none of you use the "F" word. but why are those of you who don't want to waste your valuable time with my little problem interested in spending your valuable time posting me that you are done wasting your valuable time with me? Do you seriously think that will help someone in this situation? I can't imagine why you would read this thread if your not interested in supporting people who are going through things that have happened to you.
Honestly - if you were in my position how would you feel? If there wasn't a lot of really good information from some of you I would have been long gone from this forum already. Yeah I know. Don't let the door hit me in the ass when I leave...
Crap - once again I'm not saying this well and it probably is just offending more of you. I'm sorry. This is major league stress (And totally unexpected btw) and for added fun its combined with a lot more stress from other directions I haven't mentioned.