I love my wife, and I think she hates me for it.
We have been married for almost 8 years now. About five years ago I began working as a recruiter for the Marine Corp. At that point, recruiting was an extremely stressful profession. I had to work extremely long hours every day of the week, rarely going home before 11 pm, for the first nine moths or so. I allowed myself to become entirely committed to being 'successful' at work. I allowed it to take priority over my wife and our kids. She became depressed, and I didn't really even notice, much less make myself available to help her. I knew that she felt ignored, but I spent every moment I could sitting with her on the couch, after work, and watching TV until I fell asleep. I didn't take the time then to notice that was not nearly enough for her. Once recruiting ended, I promised her it would be better. It finally did, and things didn't really get better. I continued to hurt her, without knowing what was wrong. (I now completely understand not only that I was hurting her, but also how bad our communication was, and still is.) I can due for a seven month deployment to the middle east. I know that raising the kids, by herself, can get extremely stressful. When she asked if I cared if she went out for I girls night, I told her to go and have fun. Every time she asked, I said go. I never wanted her to go out. Not that I didn't trust her, I just felt that it was a little disrespectful. It got to the point that she wanted to take a weekend out with the girls. I fearlessly agreed. She would later tell me that she was interpreting my permission as apathy for our marriage. That weekend is when she had the physical affair. About two months later, she told me over the phone that when I got home she was going to move in with her friend. This was about 5 weeks before I can back to the US. About a week later, she told me about the affair. When she told me, she explained that was the reason that we couldn't be together. I had about a month to deal with this before coming home. One counselor I spoke to suggested that us living apart was a horrible idea, and the only way to fix this was to live in the same house. I explained that to her, and she reluctantly agreed. Once I got home, things started to fall apart, almost immediately. She told me that she needed space and time to work on herself. She told me that me being at her house was another example of me manipulating her, and putting things on my terms. I have been home for a little over a week, and expect to move in with a friend tomorrow. I basically started the majority in the 180 rules two days ago, and actually read them today. Since then she has become very angry with me. Prior to them, I was moping around the house, telling her I loved her regularly, giving her hugs, basically pleading for her to take me back and allow me to stay with her. She showed me no emotion what so ever. She has told me that she has forgiven me for the way I treated her. She has since told me that she is still very angry about it. I am ready to forgive her for what she did, and I want nothing more than to fix our marriage. I am completely clueless of the proper path to take. Please lend some advice!