marcat

why when your partner has an affair and it all comes out and he or she has gone to be with this other person why does your x suddenly end up hating you, cant stand you, being nasty and looking straight through you if you do have to meet up for any reason, any ideas as to why they behave like this

baldmale

a few possibilities:

1) you are no longer available for them to cake eat
2) the need to justify to themselves that they have chosen correctly
3) once you're gone things get tougher; finances, child care, etc. so they blame you for the hardships
4) they want to re-write history to match their current choices
or

5) you really are the worst human on the planet and their new-found distance gives them clarity.

CH

So we don't feel guilty about what we're doing. If we hate you, there is no guilt.

Grayson

Because, by that point, they've expressed their revisionist history of your relationship and their affair so often that they believe it themselves. You are the horrible monster who stood between them and their soul mate.
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HerToo

Are the cheaters expected, by their new partner, to hate their x's to ensure that the marriage will never, ever recover?

Unsure in Seattle

That's the one.

Don't you know? If they're experiencing "something special" with someone other than you, you're the bad guy for "standing in the way." After all, you "can't help who you have feelings for."

F-102

They have to convince all their families and friends that they made the "right" choice.

__________________
"All of us get lost in the darkness...
...Dreamers learn to steer by the stars"

CH

No, because most of the time we cheaters give a BS story that it's a crazy ex-gf, ex-wife or soon to be ex-wife stalking us. That gives us the sympathy vote from the OW/OM. BTW, this is the easiest and most used excuse from cheaters once the wife/gf finds out and starts making trouble. And it works almost all the time.

On those occasions that the OW/OM was the instigator then yes they want to make the DS hate the LS because that makes it easier to keep feeding them BS and keeping them under their control.

Geoffrey Marsh

Cheater have to paint their spouses in a negative light to give validity to what they have done.

It really is as simple as that.

__________________
Best wishes,
GM

If you would like more help, check out my blog: http://myspousecheated.blogspot.com
My Story: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ways-hope.html